You asked for it and we got it! We now have state-specific information on the next steps for adoption and foster care. It's on our website adoptuskids.org. Each of our state Recruitment Response Teams provided the information for their state - so we know it's accurate and current! To see this new feature on our site, click here:
http://www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/rrtPackets/chooseState.aspx. If you have trouble accessing this interactive map, please call us at 1-888-200-4005.
Do you have any information about the licensing and homestudy process in your state? Tell us!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
foster care and adoption in your state
87 comments:
Great job!
Jailynn Smiley
Texas
What topics would you like to discuss on this blog? Let me know!
Wanted to stress our frustration as we went through the process of getting approved for Foster/Adopt in VA. We attended 9 weeks of training and hours upon hours of filling out papers etc. We moved to S.C. in July to find out we have to go through the ENTIRE process all over again. We thought once approved in VA we would be able to take that home study with us....we thought wrong. We are now finding out there is one training for Foster Care which we already attended and a totally separate training class for adoption and we would have to do separate paper work for the adoption case worker then we already have completed for the Foster Care worker. Seems this process is preventing good people from wanting to assist these children rather than helping.
There should be a standard training and once you complete it you should be able to take that certification with you. I understand a new home visit and evaluation but to have to do the fingerprints and training over and over is a bit ridiculous. We at this point are about to throw the towel in!
Potential adoptive families, please do not allow friends and family to make this important decision for you. Adoption is a private and personnal issue. You will need their support and prayers, but make the best decision for you and your family.
Adopting an older child has its pros and cons. Many factors will determine the outcome of your decision. I adopted an 11 year boy as a single parent. We've had our issues, however, they are no different than problems biology parents with their kids. All children has issues with who they are and where they come from.
If anyone would like to talk with me further, please contact me through Kate.
I have emailed several times and called several times the Tennessee person with No response at all. We have been selected (12/7/07) for a brother and sister sibling group from Arkansas. It has been 2 1/2 months and it seems like we are going nowhere fast. Can anyone please tell me about how long the ICPC paperwork takes and what kind of a time frame we should be looking at??? Arkansas said they hope to have the kids placed here by the end of May. We will see!!! Getting very frustrated with no direct answers!
Cindy T
I work for DCS Central Office in Nashville, TN. I would like to get some more details on your situation with the children in Arkansas that you have been selected for. Please email me at paula.j.richardson@state.tn.us and let me know how I can reach you to discuss this further. Hopefully we can get your situation resolved as quickly as possible. Thanks.
To the family with VA/SC frustration: Thank you for your interest is providing a permanent home for South Carolina's Waiting Children. I know it can be frustrating when having to redo somethings. However, every state has different policies and guidelines for licensing foster and adoptive parents. When applying please let the worker know that you are interested in both fostercare and adoption. They should license you for both at the same time. Here in South Carolina you only 10 ten hours of training. If you have any certificates from the classes you have taken, show them to the worker and they may except them. Please feel free to call us (at 1-888-200-4005)if we can be of further assistance to you.
Gail Groomster, SC RRT
We don't have any questions, but I would like to thank you all who have a part in the AdoptUsKids site. It led us to Stacy who has been with us for a month now. The ICPC process has been long and frustrating at times, but well worth the effort. Stacy is 12-years-old, and she is such a wonderful addition to our family and we feel like we are a match made in heaven. Thanks again for all you do to join kids with families.
Family in TN
I'm so glad to see this site up and running. It gives me an opportunity to vent my frustrations with the whole process. My husband and I began our foster/adoptive training process in Ohio last May. It took FOREVER and finally was completed in Nov. Now we have an approved home study and are also licensed to take in up to 2 foster children. Well, we just assumed that our phone would start ringing soon after...we were wrong! Not one call, not one placement. We have kept in contact with our caseworker regularly, and he just tells us to be patient. We have specified our search to children between the ages of 2 and 10, thinking that would be less restrictive (everyone wants infants). We hear daily advertisements on the radio..."desparate need for foster families, etc, etc." and yet? I wish I knew what the secret is. Any thoughts or suggestions?
I have been a foster parent in Florida since October 2006. We only had one sibling group. Once our kids were gone, we stared looking into adopting an african american boy age 4-6. We have started our search nation wide with no reponse. Home study, after home study after home study. No hope, no luck. I know this is one of the most requested age,however, i feel our adoption specialist should also be some sort of advocate for us. We are not able to create our own home study to make us stand out, so there is no one to support us to say we have a great home, live in a great community...nothing. my home study is sent as generic as they come. it has been since september and we are ready to throw in the towel. Case workers who confirm that kids are available do not follow up. not event to confirm home study has been recieved. If there is a tip to help get responses or even considered, please let me know.
Thanks desparately seeking adopting parents in Florida
My experience and frustrations are similar to those comments last posted by the people in Ohio and Florida. I would have given up so many times and so long ago were it not for the loving support from my husband. I think my experience is much more horrible than what I have read here so far. Here is my story: Originally we wanted to go the foster/adopt route. We were discouraged from this and some how the decision was made for us that this is not what we should do. We have a home study that was approved over two years ago. Not one phone call, not one anything. Can you believe it? All those ads and everything "a child is waiting for you". We have a bedroom all made up for a child and sitting empty for I don't know how many years. I had a meeting with our case worker and asked her if we really were eligilble and she said "yes" that our home study was "one of the better ones" We orignially had a case worker who was so negligent. She presented the class that was to be our final requirement before becoming qualified to adopt. After the class we walked up to her and she said "I will put you in the computer tomorrow". Then came the months and months of nothing. The response I received to my calls to her were a voice recording saying she was on vacation. Her summer vacations totaled three. Then her voice recording said she was in the hospital (to recover from all those vacations)? Then when I tried to call to find out when the fall festival is her supervisor answered and said we were not qualified to go to the fall festival. Our (then) case worker had some how survived all her vacations and hospital stay to quit and move to Canada. The supervisor said she had never "finalized" our home study by typing it up and putting it in the computer. (This is one year after she said she would) After this we had a meeting with our new case worker, the supervisor, myself and husband. We were told our home study would be written promptly and we would be given a copy. They never apologized for their negligence. That was over a year ago. When I talk with our worker now (at first I thought she forgot about that year when we were waiting for nothing)She thinks they did nothing wrong, I don't know maybe she thinks we are lying? I don't dwell on all this because it would destroy me. I've so had it with these people. I have a really good life. I work at a school I have a great husband, the best friends any one could ever hope for. We have a very happy life and a lot of love to give. We have been to the Spring festival last year, the Fall festival and now we are coming up on the Spring festival again. I don't really feel like going. Why bother? We have put in inquiries on many children at these festivals and have had zero response. I have become a part time unpaid social worker trying to kick start this tragedy of a "system". My husband and I are going to set up another meeting with the supervisor and case worker. I don't want to adopt here. God help you if you want to adopt in California. My husband and I are not seeking a baby, nooooo, a child up to age 11. North Carolina has so far been the most helpful.
Dear Cindy T
I understand your frustration more than you know. We were chosen for a sibling group Novemeber 17th. We paid to go visit the boys our selves. We live in Mississippi and they were in Oregon but we were tired of waiting for the ICPC. The ICPC was finally granted the first week of January and the boys came here the end of that month. It was a VERY LONG TIME. But be patient I know it is hard and there is really nothing you could do. BUT with that said. I watched emails and got any address or phone number I could and called and emailed. I was always sickening sweet, but the squeaky wheel does get oiled. I hope by now you have your kids, but if not, hang in there
Kate
I would like to discuss what to do to change the system. We finally got our two boys but what they came from in foster care was horrible to say the least. Found out the foster mothers, father was arrested for abusing a couple girls in her care, the kids I have tell me about having to sleep in beds for a week even if they wet because they only changed them on Saturday. They take baths one day a week because there were so many children in the house. One came with broken glasses that had been broke for over 9 mos and when taken to the eye doctor here his sight was horrible 40/50 I think or something like that. Shoes that were over 1 full size too little and their belongings that the were able to bring, smelled like urine so strong that most had to be thrown away. It is a joke to think people can continue to be foster parents when the treatment is minimal. What can be done?
I have an updated, approved home study.
Thru adoptuskid I have inquired about a few chidren. Most of the feedback I'm getting is that my case worker need to contact another case worker in another state.
The case workers at my agency is too busy to follow on my inquires.
How are others working with this situation?
We,too, have inquired about children in states other than our own (NJ) and each of the caseworkers have asked that our caseworker send our homestudy. I was told last week that our state gets too many requests to send homestudies out of state and that we should send the homestudy ourselves. I've requested a copy of our homestudy twice already and this caseworker won't even answer my inquiries. My husband and I are so frustrated with our state workers that we are considering going with another agency that specializes in older children. Has anyone had any experience with Downeyside Agency? I welcome any feedback.
Recently I have learned of an African American 8 month old baby in foster care that will be able to be adopted soon. My family and church began praying for her. Since we began praying...I have seen the baby...held her...and fell in love with her. It's weird! we live in a small town. Up until three weeks ago I had never knew or seen the fostermother or the baby before...in the past week I have ran into her and her foster mother twice and even met the babies case worker while the worker was checking on a student in my classroom.
My husband and I dealt with infertility the first five years of our marriage and again 10 years ago. I have had and have been dealing with endometriosis and polycystic ovaries for the 17 years we have been married. God has blessed us with three children...BJ is 12, Hunter is 10, and Kristen is 5. We love our children and thank God for them. The kids saw the baby Sunday while we were out eating after church. My oldest son said, I can save my birthday to help pay for the baby if we can have her." I had to fight back the tears.
She is beautiful and deserves to be loved.
My comment or question is... what can we do? After reading some of the information on the internet I am worried that the process may take forever. How much does it cost to adopt a child in foster care in the state of Mississippi? Do we have a chance considering we are not African American? She was premature and addicted to cocaine at birth but is not showing any signs of trouble. Do we need some kind of training because of this? Any information would be great!
Jennifer Jones,
Thanks for the support! We still don't have the kids or any news except now they are considering seperating the the siblings as the new foster mom wants to adopt one of them (they have been seperated) even though we were chosen to adopt both kids!
VERY FRUSTRATING!!
We have been approved through the state of Tennessee since the end of November. Our caseworker is very nice, but how long does this process take? We have only heard of a few children through our caseworker and on our behalf she has also sent our study to a few other states. Could anyone tell us how long is the average wait for a sibling group?
Not sure who can help with this one... My husband and I went through all of the paperwork to adopt from Guatemala and last September the State Department shut down adopting from Guatemala. They've opened it up and then closed it off and on but my husband and I are considering adopting domestically. We have all of our paperwork done for Guatemala but I guess we need to redo all of it - especially the home study? I'm really nervous about being a foster parent... but it looks like I have to go through the process to become a foster parent before adopting a child from Social Services is an option. Am I looking at this correct?
I am currently going through the process of adopting a child. The child is now placed with me and I have to wait at least three months before I can finalize the adoption. My question is how long after the adoption, before I can adopt another child? Can I do an inquiry on another child as soon as this first adoption is finalized?
We live in Iowa and are currently licensed to foster and/or adopt. It seems as though it is difficult to find about children to adopt. Iowa lists very few available children on their website. Do they still hold meet/greet events? How do we get our name out there to be considered for a child?
I am considering contacting the 8 month olds case worker. I have already met her when she visited my classroom. I think I will go ahead a talk to the foster mother again who has her because she has already adopted one of her foster children. (She is a single mother and that is why she isn't considering adopting the baby right now.) For those of you that believe in the power of prayer and praying for specifics....her name is Myiah. Please pray for all of us.
P.S.Last night my husband asked our 5 year old daughter to pick up Sally Sue, her baby alive doll, when she turned and quickly told him her name was Myiah now. He just smiled.
And for all of you....God Bless you for opening your homes and hearts to these children. No matter how frustrating try to hang in there. I will try to keep you updated after I talk to the case worker and the current foster mother.
To mom interested in adopting the 8month old: It’s great that you are interested in adopting! Since you are already talking with child’s case worker, and you know her, then contacting the child’s caseworker is a great idea. It is usually not possible to be considered for any child unless you have a homestudy, so let us give your information to your state RRT so that you can start the homestudy process with an agency. You need to be aware that a child who is available for adoption today may be matched with a family by the time your family’s homestudy is done. To begin the homestudy process now, please complete our inquiry form at this link: request to be contacted by a family advocate. Or, you can call me at 1-888-200-4005.
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids Family Advocate
The task of adopting a child in the United States is a nightmare. I have adopted in the states, it takes every might and ounce of will and power in you and then some!! You have to be very, very determined and strong willed to withstand the entire process! Only with God's help, can you make it! May God bless all who read this!! I might add our family as well, we are seeking to adopt again, yes, in the states!! Please add us to all prayers as well!!!
To Jenn1,
We have just completed our PATH classes and are now waiting for our home study. We are going to foster and/or adopt. One person from our class has already had her home study completed. We have called a couple of times to see why they have not started ours but no sure answers. I have to be honest what I have read on this blog is a little discouraging. It still boggles my mind that there are so many children out there that need a home but yet the states do not seem to be any hurry to get them placed.
How long did it take for them to complete your home study.
I'll be praying for you.
My husband and I have been approved in our state for adoption , but we got told it will take 9-12 months to have a child matched with us.(We do NOT want a baby) Our town has signs everywhere saying they need adopted parents , but they need parents so much why are we waiting so long to get matched. We thought abut going across state lines , then we got told from the adoption director of our agenceny that we have to wait a year, because they do not have the man power to do it and there are children in our state(Ga).
Why is this so confusing and so many problems?Is this normal?
HELP
I think that our foster and adoption system needs some serious work in this country. After reading all the previous posts on this blog I can see how many people are interested in adoption but haven't been successful. When there are children waiting for homes and families willing to provide homes....why does it take so long (or not happen at all)? Match the children with homes quickly and make everyone happy! Its sad that due to such a broken system children are not adopted and may never find a home.
To the family from Iowa, I am a member of the Recruitment Response Team for Iowa. I recognize that the waiting for the "right" child can be very frustating. I would encourage you to make regular contacts with your caseworker and request child profiles every week. You can also register as a waiting family with AdoptUsKids. I hope this helps!
I live in PA and seldom do I even look at the state website for children. We have like 64 (?) counties here and every one of them have different regulations and methods for choosing a family. I spent nearly 18 months trying to adopt in my home state and finally started searching out of state. While sad to say I have been watching the PA site for about 3 years now and many, many of the same children that were listed then are still on the site. It makes one wonder just what the workers are looking for in potential parents.
My children are from OR which I feel, along with my adoption worker, is a great state to work with. They paid for our flight up front and it took only a few weeks to be reimbursed for the motel, meals and rental car. If I recall correctly I did the OR inquiry on Adoptuskids late winter, went thru interviews and comittee in mid-spring and finally was able to go pick up my boys in late July. It is at times a long process and the waiting can be the worst, especially when it is the first time one experiences this.
I too have made many, many inquiries about children and find it frustrating that no one responds. I have actually talked with workers concerning children after they have read my study and had them tell me that they are excited and they love my study then ultimatley, no one ever gets back to me. I went thru a phase when I thought that it was me then realized that is not the case, it is the system and each state has it's own. I will say that since being in the process for a little over 3 years now, I have noticed that this time of year seems to be better for responses and placements than in the fall or winter months. I have tossed this around with my caseworker and people I know in the field and our conclusion is that maybe workers are hesitant, especially with school age children, to move kids during the school year and feel more comfortable waiting until the end of the year. It just seems to me that the biggest frustration is feeling like you are being ignored. When I get to feeling this way I simply remind myself that if I am feeling frustrated to sit and wonder when I will be chosen, how must it feel to all of the children out there who are waiting for us?
I will say that I receive responses regularly from agencies that are contracted to accept and forward the studies but the drop seems to be once the study is sent on to the caseworker for the state/county. It would be easy to put the blame on these caseworkers but I truly think that the issues arise from overworked caseworkers and a lack of funding for the agencies on the state level.
I am again looking to expand my family and at least after having gone thru this once before know that the wait is there but it is worth every minute. I know this time that if at all possible, call the caseworker yourself and strike up the best conversation you can and hope that you make an impression that will allow them to recall you when the home study comes across their desk. I also add that if at any time they come across a child(ren) who may fit into my family to feel free to call me concerning the others. I have in fact received info on other children by doing this.
In the mean time, hang in there. I thought for a while that I would be collecting social security before I was actually chosen but have been proven wrong on that. I just try to maintain the attitude that when it does happen, it was what was meant to be.
If you send your homestudy across state lines how long before you know if you are excepted or rejected for a child.?
When does ICPC gets involved?
Once ICPC gets involved how long before the child is placed in your home.
Is it easlier to go acroos state lines? We are having no luck in our state being matched.
I think each state is different in their process of choosing families so can only speak of those that I have dealt with. OR was a matter that once I was chosen as one of the potential resources I was contacted on 2 seperate ocassions for phone interviews. Or contracts with people who do the interviews per phone then present the family at the committee meeting. I was called the same day as the meeting was held and told that I was chosen for the boys. In my case that I believe was in mid-April. It was then the end of July before I was able to go to OR where I visited with the boys and their foster family for a few days then when I returned to PA the boys returned with me.
I dont believe ICPC is a long process as it is my understanding that each worker from each state has to submit the proper paperwork to ICPC where they "marry" it and approve it. I am fortunate that I have a wonderful adoption worker who has done many out of state adoptions so she is very knowledgable in this area.
I did also have some opportunities in NJ also and really like the way they handle studies. Again, this is my understanding based on my own experiences but once NJ identifies you as the prospective family you are the only family as well as you cannot inquire about other children unless you withdraw from your original choice. I have found the workers in NJ to be very cooperative, informative and they quickly respond to your inquiry. I understand they expect you to do a visit for a couple of days or so then the next visit they bring the children to your home for a visit then some time later final placement is done. I didnt get this far as when I learned more about the children in question did not feel they would be a good match and declined. However, I am glad to report that since that time NJ has checked back with me a couple of times with other children who may be a match and I have a possible sib group there right now.
I have felt very comfortable looking in other states. Honestly, I spend a little time daily on AdoptUsKids and when I read a profile of a child or children that I feel might be a fit I inquire regardless of the state. I have talked with various people who have adopted out of state and find that from the info they give that most states are flexible in the amount of time they require you to visit/stay and most caseworkers are thrilled when they find a suitable family for one of their children and are more than willing to work with you and your worker. I understand that while most states require you to visit initially, some states will actually bring the child to you for final placement, some allow you to take the children home with you when you leave and others require you to return to the state in question to pick them up.
If you search under "adoption subsidy state by state" you can find a break down of each state and what they reimburse, etc. It has been helpful to me to just read the individual states summary as I have found some valuable info pertaining to each state. And, while some people I am sure consider me a pest at times, I ask even the most insignificant questions any time I have the chance to speak with a caseworker even if I am not inquiring about a specific child. Again, I have found most workers very willing to answer these questions.
Dont give up!!!! There are kids out there who need families and we are families who want the kids who are looking. It takes 9 months to have one of your own and unless you have twins or triplets, it takes years to have a sib group of your own. I dont think that a wait of a year or longer is that unusual. I think we just want our family members so much that we are the impatient ones.
To the Pennsylvanian who blogged on the 18th:
Are the rules and regulations for each county in PA written somewhere? I'd like to read all of them and perhaps find some solutions for the problems in our state.
I've considered looking for children out of state too, but it would be expensive for me. I'm willing to drive or fly to any county in PA to meet potential infants and toddlers. I hope you're right about this being a better season for getting children. Even though I'm certified to foster/adopt, I made it clear to my caseworker that I'm serious about adopting.
I also have changed my mind about open adoption. I initially didn't like the idea because I figured I'd get the stalker birth parent, but, last month, I attended a lecture by Adam Pertman and I read his book, "Adoption Nation." I've reconsidred my stance on the issue and I've concluded that perhaps open adoption isn't such a bad idea, especially if the children have questions as they're growing up. Char
To Jenn 1: The wait time for a sibling depends on several things. What is the age range of the children you are willing to parent, what levels of special needs are you willing to parent, etc. I would love to help you identify children who might fit well into your family. Please provide more details about your family and the children you are wanting to parent.
There are so many questions and so many families seeking answers. I feel for all the families and can only hope to encourage others through our experience. So many people have had negative experiences trying to adopt domestically, but there are many positive stories, like ours.
We began our journey to adopt two children through DSS in FL. They were placed in our care for 3 months (foster to adopt) before we came to the conclusion that we were unable to provide for their medical and emotional needs.
I never thought we would consider adopting again until my friend adopted from China. We have now been logged in for a non-special needs child with China 1 year, 10 months, 1 week and 6 days!
As my husband and I approached 42 yrs of age, we decided to once again consider DSS (we couldn't afford a private adoption since so much money was already tied up with China).
We attended the first class for foster to adopt in SC in July. By December 20th, we had two incredibly beautiful, healthy toddlers in our home (yes, it was an incredible Christmas). Our son was 21 months and our daughter was 2.5 yrs old. Everyone told us we would never get children this young, etc. Well, I guess we beat the odds or the reality is that people don't always know the facts.
The reason we are sharing our story is to hopefully let others know that there is hope. Be careful who you listen to and remember that you are your best advocate (I think someone earlier said the squeaky wheel gets oiled -so true).
One of the things we learned through this journey has been to stay focused. Don't get caught up in a picture. So many children are placed before they ever even make it to the photolists, like our children (they had just been transferred to our district the month before we were selected). Certainly continue to inquire, send certified letters. Do whatever it takes to be noticed and to stand out among the rest (don't be lax with getting your paperwork done). There are still families from our July class that haven't finished their paperwork! Take charge of the things you can control and never, ever give up.
PS - we are withdrawing from China. Our adoption should be final within a few months. The 90 day waiting period CAN be waived in SC.
We, too, inquired of children out of state. I always received at least a response and kept in close contact with our DSS adoption caseworker. We became quite familiar with one another through e-mail. By the time we finally met, she had already matched us by our HS to these children.
Hi Char
I dont know how to answer your question concerning PA counties and if they have written regs I am not aware of it. I had one caseworker tell me that the agency had to collect X number of homestudies on a child before they would even consider evaluating them. I know of another county that had at least a dozen studies for a young man in his teens and although the young man and his adoption worker had read over each study and found several that they liked and wanted to pursue, the county stated that not one of the families "wowed" them and he was put back in the system. A friend of mine was interested in a sib group of 5 (yet another county) and when she intially submitted their study it sounded very positive and after several months of talking to about 5 different workers and getting no where she was offered a different sib group, which she took, only to be called a couple of months later to be offered the sib group of 5.
I know each county in PA pays different subsiby rates, some will pay until 18 and some until 21 depending on the needs of the child. Some counties are great about following the 15 month "rule" for TPR and others will let a case go on forever. I know of a child who was in the system from age 5 until age 12 before he was finally placed back with his mother.I have done Therapuetic Foster care for the last 10-12 yrs and was a TSS (Therapuetic Staff working with kids with behavior problems one on one in school, home and community) my college degree is Psych/Soc as well as having raised two children of my own with special needs and having good knowledge of FAS as my granddaughter is diagnosed, the caseworker who read my study and spoke with me considered me "unremarkable". My references include a Clinical Psychologist as well as a Director of Wrap Around services of a statewide agency. I am not one to sing my own praises however, if I am "unremarkable" it makes me wonder what caseworkers are looking for? I have inquired about sib groups of children who either one, both or a combination had special needs and been willing to take them as a group, received no response but later by looking at the site have seen that the sib group was being split apart.
I do think that human nature plays into this whole process and that workers often allow their own preferences and or biases play into their decisions. This must be a difficult position for them as some become close to their kids and only want what they consider best for them. My boys from OR were in two different foster homes and I know before they had committee both foster families were permitted to read my study as well as I was given the opportunity to speak with them per phone then they were permitted to give their opinion as to which family seemed a fit for the children. This seems to make total sense to me.
As far as travelling out of state, I dont know that if you found a state willing to pay your transportation up front, as OR did for me, that it is any more expensive. If you think about the price of gas, and unless you end up in some type of tourist town, motels and hotels, meals, etc are about the same no matter where you go. There are some agencies in PA that will pay for some expenses up front also. Shortly after I returned from picking up my boys my adoption worker, who is now doing foster care also, had contracted with a PA county and she had a child come to her that was going thru a disruption and she asked me if I would be interested in taking him. He has been with me for 7 months now and I plan to adopt him. The county in question has asked me and him to come to a meeting next month and due to it being a 4 1/2 hr drive they are arranging and paying for the motel for us to stay for the night. Also, depending on where you are in PA, there are other states that are not that distant. If distance is a worry for you I would suggest you map out some mileage. For instance, I am not that far from Ohio or Maryland compared to going to Northern PA or far eastern PA.
I totally agree that something needs to be done in PA, well, maybe not just PA but across the board for some kind of uniform regs concerning adoption. I would be more than willing to assit with making changes if I had an idea of where to start and how to go about it. I dont mean to sound as if I am bashing the caseworkers, they all have to work within their own agency regs, etc nor do I want to make it sound as if PA is the only state with issues, but for those of us living in PA and wanting to adopt in our home state, it is very frustrating. And, it is not just the child services that seems dysfunctional. I recently talked to an attorney friend of mine about doing my out of county adoption and he in return told me that all the counties in PA have different protocol, legalities considering custody, adoption, etc and it is extremely difficult for any attorney in PA to practice outside of their own county just due to the variance in court procedures, etc.
Also, though I forgot to mention it in a past post, I spoke with a worker in either NM or NV (sorry I dont recall which) and their state requires that they exhaust all in -state resources before they will consider an out of state placement.
Again, I dont know what the answer is but it is very sad and frustrating to know there are many families out there just waiting for children and there are children aging out of the system because the wheels turn so slow. And, a problem I have also noticed, because I am open to teens, is that when you go out of state for older kids and they have much input as to their adoptive home, they have a tendency to want to stay in their home state and as close to their schools and friends as possible. Who can blame them for that? I just cant see any logical reason that teens in PA need to age out when there are alternatives for them if the system just was fine tuned.
Open adoption can be great. While my sons dont have contact with bio parents there are family members that remain in contact. The stories of their childhood as well as photos that they have been sent by these relatives are priceless. I agree that the information and questions that could arise and be answered over the years can play a very positive role in their development.
My adoption worker, though a small agency, is absolutely great. While I would not do so without consulting her first, I would be more than happy to provide any PA family her name, number and agency if they would be interested in contacting her. She travels pretty extensively in PA thus I would think it would depend on logistics as to whether she is willing to work with a family.
And, while I have to admit that my main source of info on adoptable children is AdoptUsKids, there are many individual state web sites that you can access to look for children also.
I guess I will have to go ahead and give myself a name on this blog site! I hadnt really intended on becoming so active with this but since I have, I guess I shouldnt remain anonymous any longer.
What is the opinion on foster to adopt?
My husband and I are on a waiting list to adopt in our state. We are thinking about foster to adopt. We spoke with our caseworker and she said there is a waiting list to foster to adopt , but not as long as adopt, because we are wanting a girl. We can still try to adopt, but we can also be a foster parent to a child who is 80-100 % chance of getting adopted.
If we stay on the adoption list it could be 9 months- 12 year.
We adopted our two boys years ago, and we were the foster parents. In our state the foster parents adopt and this is why it takes so so long to be matched.
Hi Georgia parent:
I'm certified as a foster/adopt parent in PA. This is the first time I did it and I fostered two siblings (an infant and a toddler). They spent two months with me and then they were moved to another foster home. I knew that I could handle them being sent back to their biological parents at some point if the parents got themselves together. What I didn't anticipate is that the children would be moved to yet another foster home. I was upset because I didn't see the sense in moving the children when they were thriving in my home, but the caseworkers felt that it was better to move them because my home is quite a distance from the place where they were being taken for visitations with their mother and their other relatives. The agency wants to place pre- adoptive children in my home in the future because I'm more interested in adopting than fostering. I've been waiting for eight months.
I guess you have to know yourself and whether you can really handle the children being moved from your home. I don't particularly care for the idea of children being moved frequently; I prefer to have them as permanent residents in my home. I'm tolerating the situation in hopes that I will soon get a sibling group to adopt. Char
Char
I am the one who blogged from PA on the 18th My screen name will be chmae for now on. I blogged again this morning but havent seen it go on yet - I hope that it went through. If you would like to give me your email addy I could email you some info that might be helpful here in PA. What part of PA do you live in?
I was hoping to finalize with my OR boys in Feb but it seems that OR is a little behind in paperwork but found out today that the consents have been done and I am thrilled to say that it should only be another 30 days or so before the boys are finalized. I am so excited. The waiting can be agonizing at times but the rewards are so awesome that in the end it is worth it.
It did dawn on me today one way in which we all can make a differnce in the system. We can make a difference by not giving up. All of us that are frustrated are so because the system seems to be failing. Well, if any of us give up searching for new family members because the system is failing then we are just as guilty of failing the kids as the system is. We are adults and we have control over most of our lives, these kids dont so we need to hang in there for the duration for the kids that we are so concerned about.
Chmae
Hi Chmae:
I signed up with a private agency too and they get their children from all over (other public and private agencies). I'm also signed up with SWAN through my agency and I'm not sure if I can adopt kids outside of the ones from SWAN. I'd love to hear from you and get some other ideas about what else I can do to move this process along. I'm in southeastern PA. Char
Cindy T,
THis is probably not the right thing to do if you talk to your social worker but I did it and so far it has worked. The foster mother for my two boys was dragging her feet as well. BE A SQUEAKY WHEEL. All states want to keep sibilings together so find out who can help you. In general conversation be a little sneaky and get names, supervisors, judges and if you can find the CASA rep, get in touch with them. Make sure everyone knows you want to adopt both children. Tell everyone make sure to push. If you really want it. That is how we got our boys. Our homestudy was not even in the running until I found out the social workers name and called her direct. I think the old saying is true, all is fair in love and war and you are fighting both. I figure if I will fight for the kids before I know them, then they know they will be taken care of after they are with me
I am willing to take in either a foster child or a child that is available for adoption. I have been licensed for almost two years and still don't have a placement (foster or adoptive). In Illinois, this last July they had institued a new matching system when they take custody from a parent in your community, they call the foster parents from the same zip code so that the child would less intruptions in their lifes. They could stay in the same school, etc. This hasn't worked wll for me. They only give you an hour to responsed, and they only have very little information about the child. They only tell you the age, sex and race of the child. They don't tell you if the child has any medical, educational, or psychological issues.
About a month ago, my agency called me about taking in a 4 year old boy foster child. The only problem was that they had called me while I was at lunch at work, and by the time I returned to my desk & got the message, an another foster parent was called and agreed to take him in. This was very upsetting to me at the time. This is very frustrating to me.
We are having issues with a case worker in Louisiana. My husband and I fell in love with a child months ago. We seldom get phone calls/e-mails returned. When we do, we are told that the child in question is still "available" but they are not really looking for a home because she is terminal. My question is, "What has changed?" She was terminal at birth, was terminal at initial listing, and continues to be terminal at 18 months old. We are medical professionals and know we can provide her with the medical care as well as nurturing from a permanant family. What can we do to get more information?
To Jenn 1: The wait time for a sibling depends on several things. What is the age range of the children you are willing to parent, what levels of special needs are you willing to parent, etc. I would love to help you identify children who might fit well into your family. Please provide more details about your family and the children you are wanting to parent.
TN RRT
My husband and I are interested in adopting a sibling group of up to 3 children ranging in the age range of 0 to 8 years old. We would consider one child older than that if the other two siblings are in the lower end of our age range. We are willing to consider children with mild emotional needs, attention difficulties, visual impairments, speech impairments, or hearing impairments. Any help you might be able to give us in matching with children would be greatly appreciated. It is nice to know someone is listening to us.
Hello All!
Out of curiosity this morning I went to my history page on AdoptUsKids and did a little research. From 6/06 until present I have inquired about approximately 190 children or sib groups. Approximately 13 of those I had "changed my mind" when I received just a little more info on the children. The majority of the rest are having never received a response either before or after sending a homestudy or inquiring in another manner. HOWEVER - a sib group of two were placed with me and we are very near finalization!!!!!!!!!!
I can tell you just this. These are MY boys and after just 7 short months out of our lives, it doesnt seem like they have ever lived anywhere but here and as if they have always been a part of our family. The fit is good and the bonding has been great and I truly feel we were "meant" to be together as a family. It has not always been easy or a bed of roses but worth it all. We found each
other for a "reason" though we dont
always understand it.
Also, I had mentioned in an earlier blog that I had noticed an increase in responses during early spring but can only base that on my own experiences. Well since all have settled in well here I began to make more inquiries a month or so ago and sure enough, I am receiving responses. So hang in there!
This past fall I was being considered for a sib group but when more info was available to me realized that due to behaviors that might be determental to my children and since my boys do have specific needs due to their diagnoses, I felt the children I was considering would not be a good fit here in the home. Had I not had my boys, there is no doubt in mind I would have brought them into the family, but I didnt think it was fair to my boys, who I committed to first, or to the other children. So as much as I want to add to the family I had to decline these sweet children. Though there was nothing specifically said to me about declining these children, I think in the back of mind I had figured I would never again be considered by this particular state. Much to my surprise, this state actually contacted me and asked if I was available for a different sib group for who I am now being seriously considered.
I have also submitted my homestudy several times in the state of CA for various children and was never selected or maybe never seriously considered for any of those children. I recalled that late last summer I had been contacted by a caseworker from CA who asked me if I would allow her to present my home study at a meeting. If I recall correctly, in summarization, caseworkers meet at times and during those meetings will often exchange info on families to others in the hope of matching a family to a child. Whether this related to her call or not, I have no way of knowing, but my adoption worker recently called me and asked me to consider a young man from CA and that the caseworker, again, had called her and specifically asked if I might be available for this child.
I have two other "tips" i would like to share. One I discovered for myself and the other was suggested to me by someone in the field. I knew when I was chosen as a possible resource for my boys that there would be someone calling to do an extensive interview with me. I spent days worrying about what I would say or
if I would remember everything I wanted to say, etc so I decided to write it all down so it was handy when the call came. I had outlined all of my experiences, education, employment history, etc - it was kind of a resume. By doing this I recalled details that had I not written it down, might have been omitted from my interview. And while the worker requested pictures for the committee meeting, I didnt send just pictures. I considered the childrens ages ( the boys are 7 years apart) and for the older child I considered his interests and did a small scrapbook including interests of his we have in our area and for the younger one I did "flash" cards so he could pick his favorites which gave me a heads up later as to where and with who he related and felt comfortable. Along with that I had also send each boy a letter introducing myself and telling them how excited I was to have been chosen as their new mom. (Of course, these letters were given to them at the discretion of their workers and at the right time.) When I received the call that I had been chosen, I was told that it was the little extras like that she believed put me over the top at the committee selection. The second option I had mentioned, while I have not as yet tried, is to do a case plan, or summary, of how the child(ren) would fit into your life and family and what you and your family would do for these children. Examples might be if the child enjoys cooking and you are a gourmet cook yourself, the child has an IEP and you know your school district has an excellent special ed program, the child enjoys sports and your community has great opportunities for the sport in question, or the child has specific challenges that you know can be addressed by agencies in your area.
We all need a little edge up when it comes to being selected so be original and persistent whenever possible. If you are not offered the chance to speak with the current foster parents, ask the caseworker if it is possible to do so. Who knows these children better than they do? Research issues specifically related to the child in question and when speaking to a caseworker let them know you have done so and if you have any questions, just ask. While you do seriously need to consider the info relayed to you in their profiles, take the time to stop and think about it. Many behaviors that may be released to you are "labelled" because these kids are in the system but may be no more than "normal" child behavior. I tend to ignore issues like bedwetting. For heavens sake - the average age in the US for boys to quit bedwetting is 12!!!! Words like oppostitional and defiant seem to turn people off. Well having already raised 5 boys to adulthood, I can attest to the fact that all children can be and will be oppositional and defiant at times.
Be open-minded and flexible. There has not been one profile that has been submitted to me that I have not read, re-read and considered even if there are issues that I am quite certain that I am not able to accept. I have said "no" several times to children who were in the exact age range that I am desiring due to behaviors that I know I am not equipped to deal with or that I know the services in my area are lacking. I have also considered children I would not have guessed I would because I keep an open mind. Be flexible with preferences. It is sometimes easy to become so determined in what you want that you lose sight of other things. I find myself doing that at times and have to put myself in check. I have had some very bad experiences in foster care with teen age girls and find myself shying away when looking in that direction, not based on the particular child but what has happened in the past. Dont allow yourself to believe that because a child is 2 or 4 that there wont be severe issues in the future. You dont always know what you are getting into. I myself didnt realize when my own son was that age that he was bi-polar and that raising him would be an almost daily struggle with therapists, meds, etc. And, I can tell you this for sure, when you adopt an older child, you can be pretty sure of what you are getting into. Not to mention that I truly think there are many, many older children out there who are old enough and wise enough to be instantly appreciative and thankful that there is a family willing and enthusiastic about adding them to your family. It may be true that with older children the time they have in the home with you isnt as long as with younger children but so what? In the end they are still your children.
I have to smile when I think of a family that I know of that only adopts older children. They have had many in and out of their home. When someone leaves they look at adopting another. With great humor they have talked about buying a larger home, not for the children they have taken in, but for all the grandchildren they now have and expect in the future. They laugh about figuring out how they are going to fit everyone in for holiday events and even have laughed about how in the world they are ever going to be able to afford Christmas in the future!!!
And, dont get "stuck" on one particular child or sib group. You may be in the process of being considered, but as many of you have stated, it doesnt happen. Keep looking and keep inquiring. The more you look and inquire, the more chances for workers to read your study and match you to a child. Again, if you make an impression on the worker, even if it turns out that you are not a fit for the child in question, some caseworkers do in fact hold on to studies and when you are least expecting it they may call you with a child who is perfect for you and your family. There is no harm in accepting a profile to read even if at first you dont think it is a good match. There is no harm in saying you cannot except a chid if you dont think you are equipped to deal with the needs of the child. I think a worker would much prefer a "no" from the start than be in a situation later where the child has to be moved because it isnt working out. Caseworkers, for the most part, only want what's best for the chidren and I think they truly appreciate that type of honesty from potential parents.
I know that some of my suggestions like researching diagnoses, doing scrapbooks, etc might seem time consuming, especially when you do not yet know if you will be chosen, however, those things pale in comparison to actually bringing a child in your home, dealing with issues on a daily basis and raising the child to adulthood. I mean no offense with this next statement, but someone who isnt willing to go the extra to find a child might not be willing to go the extra to provide what is needed for the child to thrive and blossom in their home.
Thanks all for listening and hope all of you have luck in your searches. Dont give up - there is a child(ren) out there just waiting for you and eventually it will happen.
Chmae
This is in response to couple interested in adopting the 18 month old"terminal" child from Louisiana.I have contacted OCS(Office of Community Services)Lafayette and they are still working on your behalf along with other prospective parents as well.According to the caseworker and her supervisor,they are doing what they can do.RRT-LA-AdoptUsKids
to athensPT...I was asked by Kate to respond to your frustrations simply as a peer supporter. I only read a few postings after yours, so I do not know if anyone truly addressed your specific needs. My husband and I are from Iowa and we are foster and adoptive parents to 8. I teach high school family and consumer science - what I have always taught my students (even before becoming a parent) is that parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. We have found that no matter how difficult, it is always rewarding. I do not understand why you have not been receiving calls for placements. Do some soul-searching within your own realm and consider some of the following aspects to licensing that may not have been fully addressed. Although you are licensed, perhaps there was something that the worker wasn't comfortable with and is not discussing with you. For example, when we were first licensed, I told our licensing worker I was hoping for a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl under the age of four. I know you didn't do this, but looking back at this comment I made, I sure was naive! I later found written in our file that I hoped for perfect little children with no behavior issues. All of this was probably true at the time. My first opportunity to parent was when two little boys joined our home, ages 5 and 7. They were far from perfect and really put a test to my ability to parent. This same licensing worker later told me that she had the impression I wouldn't stand for a messy home. She was right. I've come a long way since November 2000. On the other hand, I've heard of families who were licensed and they met all the necessary criteria, but they were not the tidiest of housekeepers. If you think you may have said something or if you feel it would be beneficial to become better acquainted with your licensing worker, invite him back to your home to talk openly about placements. Perhaps you could broaden your age-range and accept children from a different ethnic background. Teenagers are really tough, but occasionally you'll find one who just wants to belong. I have so many high school students that I teach who are living in shelters because it's difficult to place teens. I'd love to take some of these kids home with me! If you really do not believe another visit with the licensing worker will make any difference, then simply wait patiently. It will happen. Once they find out how willing you are to nurture, teach, love, and provide a safe home to children, your names will travel within the system. Stay committed once you receive a placement and try not to give up when things get tough. I wish you the very best...it's worth it when someone trusts you enough to call you "mommy."
To the Georgia Parent who posted on March 18th:
The state of GA encourages parents to foster to adopt because of the amount of children needing permanent homes. If you are the type of family that is o.k. with not being 100% certain that you will be able to keep your foster child, then foster to adopt would be an avenue to pursue. However, foster to adopt is also called "at-risk" adoption b/c you are not guaranteed that you will be able to adopt your foster child. I would encourage to speak to your case worker before you make a decision. I know that the adoption process can take a long time, however, the foster to adopt process may not necessarily take any less time. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask. Thank you for taking the time to get an answer to your concerns.
Morella Atkinson
AdoptUsKids Recruitment Response Team
How certain is it when you foster to adopt? I know it is not 100 %. If it about the same amount of waiting time , then why should one foster to adopt?
to athensPT...
I was asked by Kate to respond to your frustrations simply as a peer supporter. I only read a few postings after yours, so I do not know if anyone truly addressed your specific needs. My husband and I are from Iowa and we are foster and adoptive parents to 8. I teach high school family and consumer science - what I have always taught my students (even before becoming a parent) is that parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. We have found that no matter how difficult, it is always rewarding. I do not understand why you have not been receiving calls for placements. Do some soul-searching within your own realm and consider some of the following aspects to licensing that may not have been fully addressed. Although you are licensed, perhaps there was something that the worker wasn't comfortable with and is not discussing with you. For example, when we were first licensed, I told our licensing worker I was hoping for a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl under the age of four. I know you didn't do this, but looking back at this comment I made, I sure was naive! I later found written in our file that I hoped for perfect little children with no behavior issues. All of this was probably true at the time. My first opportunity to parent was when two little boys joined our home, ages 5 and 7. They were far from perfect and really put a test to my ability to parent. This same licensing worker later told me that she had the impression I wouldn't stand for a messy home. She was right. I've come a long way since November 2000. On the other hand, I've heard of families who were licensed and they met all the necessary criteria, but they were not the tidiest of housekeepers. If you think you may have said something or if you feel it would be beneficial to become better acquainted with your licensing worker, invite him back to your home to talk openly about placements. Perhaps you could broaden your age-range and accept children from a different ethnic background. Teenagers are really tough, but occasionally you'll find one who just wants to belong. I have so many high school students that I teach who are living in shelters because it's difficult to place teens. I'd love to take some of these kids home with me! If you really do not believe another visit with the licensing worker will make any difference, then simply wait patiently. It will happen. Once they find out how willing you are to nurture, teach, love, and provide a safe home to children, your names will travel within the system. Stay committed once you receive a placement and try not to give up when things get tough. I wish you the very best...it's worth it when someone trusts you enough to call you "mommy."
Lora
I think one advantage to the Foster/Adopt is that you have lived with the child(ren) and are totally aware of any issues before you make a committment. I think this is especially helpful for first time parents as there are instances where I truly believe it does take experienced parents to raise and support some of the children out there.
I am curious as some of you have mentioned contacting your state for home studies. Are there states that do not have private adoption agencies available or advantages to this? I wonder if it has to do with the cost of the home study? In my case, here in PA, my worker has not charged me as yet for the home study as this is reimbursed by most states and she is willing to wait for her fee until I am reimbursed. Also, there are some states that will directly reimburse the adoption agency for the home study ( I think this has something to do with Purchase of Service??).
I am very fortunate to have connected with my current adoption worker. I was with another agency and felt like I was going no where. I kept being told I was too old for younger children, that I needed this type child, that I couldnt handle this type child, etc and I really became tired of people who had only known me a short period of time deciding what I could or could not handle. And, while I had more or less demanded that my study be sent whether they agreed or not, I am sure that it probably was never sent! Who I am with now is absolutely great. She will remind me of what I may be getting myself into and she may even ask "are you sure you can handle it" but she has never taken it upon herself to critcize or to determine what I am capable of dealing with. she has never attempted to push me away from or toward a child(ren) nor has she ever so much as questioned me as to why I have said "no". She always will ask if I might be interested in a child(ren) even if they dont meet my main criteria and allows me to read the profiles and process the info. She is available to me at all times even if just to vent. Her sense of humor, on more than one ocassion, has allowed me to see the other side of things. I guess I am spoiled and just cannot imagine everyone not being like her. And, I found her because I was tired and frustrated with the other agency and decided I would "age out" myself if I did not find someone out there who would work for me!
I guess I would tell anyone out there that even if you personally are not paying out of pocket for your study, etc that these people are supposed to be working for you and if you dont feel that is the case, move on. Call other agencies and speak with other workers. In my case, it didnt take that long to have a new study finished, my trainings transfered, I had all clearances in hand so it was just a matter of the new visits and study being typed up. Personally, I feel this little extra time to get lined up with a new agency was worth the little extra time versus being with an agency that may have never found me a placement.
Chmae
Mike and I decided to foster in 1991 and started fostering the first of 92. We were unable to have children together and felt we could care for other people's children until they were able to be transitioned home. We both feel we can make a difference for that moment in time that will last a life time. Not only are we able to make a difference in their
lives but each child that has come in to our home has made a difference in our life. We have adopted 12 children through the state. We did not
go into this to adopt so searching for the match wasn't something we
did. The child was placed with us as a foster child. Well I guess we
did talk about matching somewhat. We would take in to account children that fit in our home. Children and youth that got a long with the majority of the other children had the similar interest ie: enjoyed the outdoors. We never looked at what the child could give to us but what we could give the child. I am one of those people that believe we should be looking for families for children not children for families. People that are desperate for a child scare me. They are often folks that need the warm fuzzes and believe me many of these kids are not able to give anything for a long time. All the energy and giving has to come from you. Tammy
Today, I attended an event in Cheyney, PA with like-minded individuals. It seems that some caseworkers have a lot of imagination and can think outside the box to solve some of the foreseen as well as the unforeseen bureaucratic problems that arise in the system while others have thick blinders on and don't know it.
Unfortunately, it does take a long time to get children, even when you're foster/adopt. I wish I had known this earlier in the game as I would have avoided unnecessary anguish. I don't recall anyone saying in the orientation and at the meetings I've attended in the past year and a half that I would have to wait a long time before children were placed with me. I'm still hanging in there for the long haul because I have a lot to offer a sibling group. I'm not so easily deterred and I remain a staunch advocate for the children and for myself. FYI = check out the Pew Charitable Trusts' website. There's a Commission on Children in Foster Care and they provide a great deal of information on the system and how it's supposed to work. Char
To jennifer jones,
Thanks for the info, I am the very noisy squeak! I have emailed the case worker, her superviser and the kids lawyer! Now they have emailed us and want to if we would come to Arkansas for a meeting! We responded Yes just let us know when. That was on 3/28/08. Now some other case workers are contacting me from our own state of Tennessee wanting our home study and talking to us about kids. They are even having a selection this coming week and want our home study sent ASAP for a sibling group! GOD is in control of all of it. I try not to get too worked up about all of it (Very hard to do) and know it will happen when God wants it to.
I will keep you all updated on what happens.
To anonymous asking why to foster to adopt:
You have asked one of the universal questions: How certain am I to reach my goal of adoption by approaching the goal through the path marked "legal risk" or "foster to adopt"? There isn't an easy answer. Sometimes there are categories given to the amount of "risk" a family is taking, such as "low" risk or "high" risk. But anyone working in the field for any length of time has seen situations change and children leave homes when no one anticipated it as a serious worry, and sometimes seeing adoptions finalize in situations that seem miraculous. I encourage you to know yourself, and how comfortable you are with this sort of risk.
As to why would you do it; well, local child welfare agencies are skewed to work with foster parents as their primary approach to the immediate needs of children. They are looking for families who can be responsive to the child's needs and if a child can come into "the system" and then stay with only one family, (assuming they are not able to reunite with a birth parent) then the first-placement-only-placement model is the kindest way for that system to provide security and permanency for the child. For families, it may be a way to have a child placed in your home who is younger than the children who are legally free for adoption, and because they have had fewer moves they may be less traumatized as well. Systems are a hard place for children to grow up, and moving from one home to another is a difficult childhood.
However, risk is risk, and families who have the goal of adoption only may have their hearts broken in this process. For every story of a legal risk placement that worked out there is a story of someone with a broken heart and worry about the future for a child they grew to love. Ultimately, the decision has to be yours. I wish you good luck, I am glad that you are building your family though adoption.
Ramona H, Maryland
NJ couple responding to comment on NJ DYFS home study process: Good luck getting a "redacted" home study from the state of NJ. It took us a few weeks two years ago to get our "redacted" copy, but we got it. You can request it, but you may have to call Trenton. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do with the redacted copy since it is not a certified copy! You can send it to a social worker in a different state, but since it is not certified and lacks many items (medical disclosures, employment information and the like), and out of state social workers will not really consider it. Many states want the certified copy to come directly from a NJ social worker, or it will not be considered, so even having the redacted copy is not helpful. Many of the states that you can send this redacted copy to will not do much with it unless they can then call the social worker who wrote the study. We gave our redacted copy to the National Adoption Center (NAC) in Philadelphia, and they would respond for us. They actually would fax our redacted copy to other states, so at least that way we were not responding without a go-between. This allowed some states to at least consider us directly. However, we learned the hard way, that NJ does not respond to the interested out of state social workers until you are in fact the "chosen" family for the child. So, the out of state workers cannot even call anyone in NJ to verify info! We had contacted Downey Side but never got a response. We then contacted EVERY adoption agency that dealt with "older" child adoptions (ie not infant placements). There were not many. We really liked Lutheran Social Ministries. Although there is a cost involved, it is done on a sliding scale. The best advice I can give you is to stay in there and keep fighting. Go to the Match Parties sponsored by the National Adoption Center in Philadelphia. For some reason, we could get the NJ social workers to talk to the out of state social workers if the inquiry came from an event sponsored by the NAC. NAC holds 2-3match parties a year. We are currently matched with a child we met at an event last year, and although the event was held in Philadelphia, the child was from NJ, so we can actually use the NJ DYFS home study! Keep in there! Your child is waiting for you...
I am glad someone is having a little bit of success. Every time I call our caseworker, we are told there isn't any news, no kids to consider, etc. We are so frustrated.
Ramona H, Maryland:
I'm writing to the presidential candidates, to state reps in PA, and to anyone else involved in the process. Luckily, I also have the names and addresses of influential folks in PA who may be willing to listen and to help. I'll send email or letters to Oprah and Dr. Phil.
I attended an event at Cheyney University this weekend and the event wasn't well advertised by the public. Many in attendance were social workers, not prospective foster/adopt parents. Beside radio and TV ads for foster/adopt parents, I also get fliers in the mail from my agency, but the events are often not well attended. I'm considering photocoping the fliers I receive and posting them in different places because the message isn't getting to a lot of people. It could also be that many of us are sharing with our family and friends the nightmare of foster/adopt, which is a big turnoff to many. Char
We have been licensed in the state of Iowa to foster and adopt. 4 months ago we received the call and brought the baby home from the hospital to foster with the hope of adopting. He has been with us the whole time and found out his rights and the rights of two siblings (who are in another foster home) are all being terminated soon. They will be put up for adoption. We want to adopt the baby for sure and the social worker then asked us if we would be interested about the POSSIBILITY of adopting the other two. Now its sounds as though if we don't adopt all three we won't be able to keep the baby, even though the three have no history together (haven't all lived together, grown up together). By the way our own children are about the same age as the older two siblings and this would make 5 kids under 7 years old. We think thats too much for us to take on (adopting all three) and we were taking as its a three or none deal and we'd be heartbroke. Any advice??
Iowa
I feel for you and do understand why you do not want to part with the baby as well as understand that all 3 might be too much for you to handle. It may be true that the children have not yet bonded but the older two I am sure are aware that they have a baby sibling.
I grew up knowing I had a half-sister and even though I had never met her it always played on me. I wondered what she looked like, where she was, if we had any similarities, even if she was alive or dead. We hadnt bonded either but I had a sister somewhere and I needed to know about her. Finally at age 30 I did meet her and it was a fantastic experience and though we have never been extremely close we keep in touch. I have a neice and nephews that I would never have known had I not met her at some point.
If you would decide to take all 3 together, please make sure it is because you want and can provide for all of them, not just to keep the baby with you. That would not be fair to anyone involved.
If the agency would decide to split up the sibs, the ideal situation would be if the older two were adopted by a family nearby so that throughout their lives they could all maintain contact with each other. At some point maybe they could visit your home for week ends and when the baby is older, he/she could do the same.
The "void" I felt by not knowing wasnt so great that it ruined my life but it was there and it did effect me to some degree. None of us grow up in a perfect situation and all of us run into life's little snags from time to time. The thing is that you are in a situation that you know about the "snag" and it could be avoided or at least accomodated in some manner. Ask yourself if you truly believe that it wont have an effect on any three of the children because while you may not be raising the older two, they do play a part in all of this. In difficult situations I like to remind myself that as adults we are able to deal wi