Monday, March 17, 2008
adoption professionals are listening
Did you know that each time you mention your state I notify the adoption program manager and recruitment response team in your state? Sometimes they respond on the blog and other times they email me clarifying state policy and law. Bringing your comments to the attention of the adoption professionals in your state is a great first step toward improving adoption and foster care practice! Thanks for all your advice and questions. Keep ‘em coming!
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189 comments:
Why is it so difficult to adopt? I see on other comments that ALL the states are having the same issues. In Ga. we see signs needing adopting families , but it takes months to be matched with a child. Why do they ask for families when the state can not match families for 6-12 months?
In our case DFCS contracts to a private agency to do the homestudy and matching. The problem we see is the private agency does not always get the same information as DFCS.
We get told that they find families for the kids , not for kids for families. If we did not go on Adopt Us Kids and MY TURN Now site and go to matching parties which we find, we would not know anything.
How exciting it is to see the adoption "ticker" quickly reaching 10,000 children placed! For nearly two years my family has waited for a sibling group placement. We were originally placed with a sibling group in May 2007 that was later revoked by a state agency supervisor. The revocation took place after we began advocating for the children concerning medical and psychological care. It has come to our attention lately that we have gone before the placement committee on several occasions only to be rejected by this individual. Meanwhile, the number of children waiting for adoption grows as does the average wait time for placement. SC is nearing 4 years in care on average. Most have not received TPR during that time. My family is not the only one experiencing this difficulty. Single individuals are also rejected during placement. Isn’t this against established policy?
I am an adoptee and know first hand the pain one experiences without a permanent family bond. What can be done? Why is it so difficult for state agencies to understand that I am upset for the children waiting for placement and NOT because we have yet to have a match? There must be accountability.
Hello! We are pleased to find your blog. We are adoptive parents of 6 children adopted from the state of Kansas foster care/adoption system. We are also newly licensed foster parents in KS as well.
We are huge advocates for supporting foster and adoptive families, as it is a need that we have faced time and time again over the past 10 years. We recently formed a new ministry that we believe will be used in our state to reach even more families who will parent children through foster care or adoption.
Project Belong is a specifically Christian ministry, focused on recruiting, training and supporting foster and adoptive families, all through an effort to spur on the collective Christian "Church" in Kansas to step up and fill the gap that is left for these children. Statistics are astonishing when one considers the number of Christians in proportion to the number of children needing care through fostering or adoption.
As a Christian ministry, we believe that we are called by God to serve orphans and to provide for these children. It's the heart of Project Belong to bring this message to every church in Kansas. If even one family in every church could step up and become foster parents or adopt a child who is waiting, it would relieve the critical need for families for these precious children.
We love what we do, and we do what we do because of a God who loves us. We are collaborating with a local foster/adoption agency, and it is our hope that this will spread outside of our community and throughout the state of Kansas, and that other states will have similar initiatives.
God bless you all at AdoptUSKids!!
The Hoffman Family
My husband and I just started the process to become licensed to adopt a child in the State of Illinois.
I have checked the "adoptuskids" web site and I see very few kids from the State of Illinois, where other States such as Virginia, Kansas, etc. show pictures of a whole lot of kids and a brief description.
I tend to believe that in the State of Illinois there must be more than those kids posted in "adoptuskids".
My husband and I never had children of our own, and now we would like to adopt one or maybe two. We are going with the full intention to adopt a kid, not just to foster a child.
We are currently going thru the process to get licensed.
Once we are licensed, do we have the right to see pictures of kids and be able to choose the one we would like to have?.
I appreciate your hosting this blog. THANK YOU! You say that adoption professionals are listening, but are they doing anything else? I think that they do a lot of listening, but little of anything else. I think the old saying that "It's easier to for camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven" (Gospel of Luke) should now be changed to "It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for anyone to adopt a child from the USA!" I'm amazed with the folks on this blog who say they they have adopted 2,3,4,5, or more children. TELL US, please, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET? I'm in North Carolina. I have a completed homestudy and have been approved for adoption for ANY AGE child. I'm not picky about race either, though I'd prefer a girl. But, I'M getting nowhere. Sure, my homestudy has been chosen a few time to "go to committee" and social workers have even called me back and said that my homestudy was "excellent, no problems there!" BUT still, over a year, and no child. WHY? Well, either I don't live close enough (apparently here in the USA two counties away is a problem) or it's because I don't live in the country, or even sillier reasons, like I don't have a horse and the child that I applied for really wants a horse. At first I thought this was a joke. But no, really. Someone has said that to me. Serioualy. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WITH THE BEST INTERESTS OF THESE KIDS AT HEART? I mean, there's a girl that I applied for that STILL hasn't gotten adopted because she really wants to be adopted by a very wealthy family. Apparently, this is one of the things she put on her "wants" list. Seriously. Now I wouldn't mind being adopted by a really wealthy family myself. But is it a really good idea to let a 12-year-old girl decide her future this way? (And this social worker's approach was to let the girl read the homestudies and decide for herself.) Can a 12-year-old girl really understand these homestudies and make such an informed decision? PLEASE. And why is the system so hard to figure out? WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PLACE A CHILD OR TO GET A CHILD PLACED? My husband and I, between us, have FIVE graduate school degrees all the way up to the PhD level, and this system has been harder to negotiate than just about any of those grad schools or getting those degrees (and folks, our degrees are from places like DUKE and YALE, and we had to apply for extensive scholarships to be able to attend these schools too!) SO, my question for those of you who have gotten a child (in state or out-of-state) and my question to any social worker willing to answer is: WHAT SHOULD I DO TO GET A CHILD?? Should I give up and go through a private agency or go overseas?? PLEASE HELP!
We were a licensed foster home in OH and moved to MI. It was our intent to continue fostering with the hope of being able to adopt-only to be told that our license would not transfer and we would have to relinquish the license and then start from scratch in MI. How can you adopt from another State but a State foster/adopt license isn't good enough to transfer over when you move? Seems bizarre to me?!
Hi Lynda:
You're right on point! The idea that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for us to adopt kids in the U.S. is too true. It ticked me :).
I feel your pain! I too have a Ph.D. and it was definitely much easier to complete the dissertation than to adopt an American child or to understand the convoluted "rules," which I suspect many people are making up as they go along. I have also been given absurd reasons for why a child might not be placed in my home. For example, I was told that some caseworkers will tell you to get rid of your dog before they will place a child in your home. This is ridiculous. I have a dog who is a standard poodle mix and who is a gentle creature. I've had him for over two years and I adopted him when he was a puppy in rescue. I also have a cat which was my mother's and I took it home with me after she died. I've had the cat for six years and she too is a gentle animal. Everyone who comes to my home compliments me on the fact that my animals are friendly. I told the caseworkers that I wasn't getting rid of my pets because the demand constitutes an abuse of power and authority. I'd also like to see it in writing that you have to give up your pets in order to adopt a child. Char
which factors most are most likely to get you rejected as a prospective match when your case study is under consideration by the final committee?
Why does the state give these parents chances after chances when they are guilty.
I am from NC and my husband and I want to adopt and we are in a case that has gone on for 17 months and the courts are letting the mother appeal everything and these children want to be adopted and start their new life. And we also want to try get atleast 1 more girl and with the medicaid ebforcing the law about the amount of children that you can have in your home. Its very frustrating
At least you have your homestudy done. We started inquiries in September of 2006. I'm in AL and am STILL WAITING on my homestudy to go to the state. It still has a month of processing once it gets there, but I can't even get it there. I think the system is messed up. I wanted to adopt school age children and not babies, otherwise, I would have gone out of country. This is ridiculous. They say, "Please adopt or foster a child", and then, "Oh, by the way, it'll take a minimum of 2 years, 167 phone calls, 30 hours of classes, plus 15 continuing hours of education per year, watching other people WITH CHILDREN and sitting there in agony wondering when your turn will come." I've cried myself to sleep over it so many times in the last few months that it's riduculous. There's all these children waiting, and all these parents waiting, and all we are doing is wasting time.
Just wanted to say to all professionals in this system. I have been told for years by other mothers, you have no way to know how it feels to be a mother, to love and be loved and nuture a child. That is true, I am sure! But you professionals who have children of your own have no idea how it feels to NOT be able to have a child or love one. You have not been humiliated by others. You have not been subjected to operations, doctors, specialists, then accepting the loss of knowing that you may not every have a child. Everywhere, every minute of the day, you cannot leave the planet, you have to DEAL with coworkers, family members, church members, and of course the constant reminder every minute that you are not a MOTHER! So please wake up and help those of us out here, that would be excellent mothers! Help us to be the mothers we deserve and want to be!
To Anonymous in IL:
Hi my name is Olga and I'm the Recruitment Response Team for IL.
At this time, there are few children on the website because the majority of our children in IL are in foster care. Once a family is licensed in IL, a family does have an option about the type of child they are seeking. You get to meet these children before you have to make a decision (unless you're seeking non-waiting children 0-3). We encourage families to take as many visits and over nights as needed to see if the child or children is going to be a good fit. Remember, this process is about you and your husband matching with a child that's going to become a part of your family. Continue to work close with your agency during this process and ask as many questions as you need to.
My husband and I have adopted in NE, so that we now have four children under 12 - three biological and one adopted. We want to adopt at least twice more, and we would love to remain foster parents. Our biggest block seems to be the attitude that because we are military we aren't stable enough to be foster parents. Yes, it is possible the military will move us again in another three years... that's a fact of life we live with (and enjoy thoroughly!). However, it doesn't mean that we aren't able to provide a loving, stable environment for a child that desperately needs one! I know how frustrating it is to not be able to have a child. I was told I would never carry a baby to term after my third miscarriage. I was very lucky to have three healthy babies (it took nine pregnancies)! My husband and I have always wanted a large family - and we initially planned on having six kids - we still hope that's possible! But we have been very discouraged by the difficulties. We almost lost our daughter to distant relatives because Nebraska has taken a stance on relatives ALWAYS being best. If the relatives in question hadn't backed out she would have gone to live with people who never even knew she existed before the state called after being with us for over two years... A lot of things that the state does (and friends report similar problems in neighboring states) just don't seem to be in the best interest of the children at all. It honestly seems to us that it's all about the numbers. :-( We've lost two little boys who were very dear to us and who we were willing to adopt. Not because we wanted them moved, but because they acquired a new diagnosis and needed to be in a higher level home. We asked for respite and extra training to help deal with the behaviors we were seeing... and instead lost the boys. Who knows where they are? In and out of adoptive placements, separated and then together, if the Heart Gallery is to be believed. It's all very heartbreaking; and no wonder so many foster homes burn out so quickly! I contacted my old agency recently about a specific sibling set and the possibility of renewing my license this summer - not a word in return...
For anyone who are listening from Georgia. We are very disapointed in the way Georgia does the process for adopting a child.We see wanted foster and adopted parents needed. We have been approved since January and we have been told it 6-12 months before we are matched. This is very dispointed to us. We have two sons whom we adopted 10 years ago and it was nothing like this. We are wanting a daughter ages 7-11 years old. We are doing everything we know how to find a child. We are finding the adoption parties,going on Adopt us kids, My turn Now sites and still no luck.
We are calling our caseworker to see if they found anything. Still we are no closer then what we started with.
What can we do besides waiting and calling our caseworker, regional person and anyone else who we talk to us?
My husband and I have been waiting for 2 years. The first agency we got our license through kept telling us that they had the perfect child and when it came time for the placement, it was sorry someone else was found or that the child had been placed with relatives and even back with the biological family. We changed agencies because of all of the lies. We had a child placed with us and it didn't work because the SW were not completely honest about what the child needed. Now we are waiting again. IN NC, every night on TV there are commercials about Adopt a Child, there are 20,000 waiting children, etc. When you call, the first thing they ask is how much money do you earn in a month and do you have $600-1000 extra for the child's needs. The last time I looked, money didn't buy love or happiness. My parents didn't have $600-1000 per month for each of their children and all of us have a steady job and contribute to the community. What my mother and father had was a lot of time and love. I haven't heard any of the SW ask that question. All I hear is how much money do you have? We need a system that looks out for the WELL BEING of the children, not funding for all of the things a child wants. I find it outrageous to think that children are waiting on a list somewhere while there are bunches of perfectly good families waiting to hear back from a "committee." We have applied for 58 children and are not picky in race but we have specified that the child not be over 7 so that we can have time to grow with the child. I am so frustrated now by the entire process. Many of my friends have seen what we have been through and wouldn't dare try to adopt. Can we get some help? WE WANT CHILDREN TOO EVEN THOUGH WE CAN'T ALL BE BIOLOGICAL PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Anonymous,
You must close your license while you are in good standing in OH. You cannot have license in more than one state at a time. Nor can you foster across State lines because each State's process is different. Therefore, you must close your license in Oh first. What you will do once you have identified an agency here in MI, you will sign a release of information form to your previous agency & they will make a copy of your file & forward to the requesting agency. Whatever documentation (i.e., training hours/certificates of completion, license renewals, etc.) you can bring with you to provide to your new agency is good. Please keep me posted as to how things work out. Should you need additional assistance, do not hesitate to contact AdoptUsKids at info@adoptuskids.org.
Gloria Mitchell
Michigan Recruitment Response Team
It just makes it seem like the whole thing is a big hoax. We have all of these children, but none for you. Being a foster parent is hard. I've had 5 children. 3 were returned, 2 were a disrupted foster placement. In 4 out of 5 of those cases, I don't believe that the state did what was in the best interest of the child. Our SW admit as much. They were tied by what has been termed "protocol". Meaning, there are a set of rules they have to follow before any other considerations are made. Protocol has ruined the lives of at least two of the four.
Our home study is now finished. we have sent it out for the first time in hopes of a match with a boy that will not be ready untill he gets some treatment. The way I think to look at this whole thing is to not let frustrations and sadness about infertility or the overwhelming desire to help and love. It is not like a "kid store" where you pick out what you want, yes what you a able to handle. I will just send my home study out to as many workers as possible in turn they will have my information if they need me for a child. If it happens than that is where they feel he/she will do well, and if i nevere get picked as a parent then i guess it was not meant to be. I'am glad all these social workers have many folks to pick from. They need more government money for assitants to help them speed up this process, at least for dss. i thinks there needs to be a policy that is the same across the usa.
my home study is done. We have sent it out for consideration for a 7 year old boy. The way I choose to deal with the frustrations is to remember, it's not about me. yes I'am sad that do not have children, that had to be resolved before hand. I hope for a match but I need to remember, This is not a "kid store". My home study will be out there for who ever needs us when the time comes. or it may never come. You are there if needed. also our gain comes from loss. Loss of bio parents to that child. I wish they did'nt need any of us. but reality is they do need parents to love them. and if I'am just one in a million who wants to adopt a foster child then good for the child. The process is slow, but that needs to be delt with at the highest government levels that covers all of the usa social workers to unite to have consistant policies everywhere.
Jane,
I have lots of connection in ga!
write me well talk....
I am an adoptive mom of almost 4 teenage boys!
Lynda,
Don't give up! I have adopted 1 and am working on 3 more. I have lots of info. ask anything and I will help.
God bless you and there are many children out there waiting for you!
There are monthly/bi monthly adoption parties in the state of GA! write me if you would like info. about GA. adoptions.
Hi,
My husband and I attended an open house over a month ago and have yet to be contacted by the local office. They say there is such a shortage in Connecticut but it seems like they are taking the slow train. We would love to adopt a sibling group and we are so anxious. I have left several messages with DCF but no luck. Any ideas on how we can get our homestudy started?
My husband and I are having the hardest time getting the state of CT to call us back to even start the homestudy process. I have left 3 messages already and not one phone call back. We would love to adopt a sibling group but we can't even start to look. There was a person on the local radio station talking about how Connecticut has such a shortage for foster/adoptive parents. I wanted to scream! Here we are waiting patiently and they aren't even acknowledging it. Any ideas??
Hi,
We go to the Adoption Parties when they have them every other month. They are having one on April 5th.We are driving more then 4 hours to go to them .The caseworkers are impressed that we drive that distance.After the Adoption Parties I start calling the caseworkers of the children we are insteaded in. (I know we are not suppose to). We still do not get anything. We still get told it may be 7-12 months before matched. We get told to have patience.
We were told that we couldn't adopt a particular child from Alaska but the case worker did not want to discuss the reasons. Later, we found out that the case worker just didn't want to go thru the trouble of an out-of-state adoption. Now, we have been trying for a year in GA, and have been told that my husband is too old! We are even trying to adopt older children! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
I understand that the caseworkers are busy , but why can't they tell us the truth or tell us anything. They only thing we get told in Ga is have patience if we get told anything.
My husband and I have to do the leg work to find the kids in our state.
In GA can we get a copy of our homestudy from our agency(contracted from DFCS)? If so how to we obtain a copy?
IN THE STATE OF PA. IT SEEMS LIKE THEY PICK AND CHOOSE WHO THEY WANT YOU TO PARENT. THEY DO NOT FOLLOW THE PROFILE YOU FILL OUT DETAILING CHILDREN THAT FIT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. IN TWO YEARS, I HAVE GOTTEN INFORMATION ON TWO BOYS, WHO HAVE SEVERE FEMALE ISSUES; I AM A SINGLE FEMALE; SEEMS LIKE EVER CHILD OR SIBLING GROUP I EXPRESSED AN INTEREST IN, THE SOCIAL WORKER NEVER GOT BACK OR WHEN SHE DID AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER THE CHILDREN WERE PLACED, BUT THE CHILD PROFILE WAS STILL LISTED IN THE ADOPTUSKIDS WEB SITE MANY MONTHS AND SOMETIMES UP TO A YEAR LATER. I THOUGH THAT ADOPTION IS TOO GIVE AS MANY CHILDREN AS POSSIBLE, GOOD, LOVING HOMES, WITH PEOPLE WHO WILL PROTECT, LOVE AND NOT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THEM COME HELL OR HIGH WATER. THEN THE SYSTEM TAKES YEARS TO PLACE THESE CHILDREN, THE CHILDREN ARE THE ONES TO LOSE OUT ON KNOWING THE LOVE AND FEEL ON FAMILY.
Hi Lynda and NC anonymous – I am contacting you from the North Carolina RRT. Thanks for sharing your individual stories on this blog. I am hopeful that other NC families and professionals will respond to your particular situations with some helpful suggestions, tips and encouragement.
It must be frustrating to look at the number of foster children who need adoptive families and wonder why you are still waiting for a placement. I can confirm that foster children are being adopted in NC, so hang in there!
The matching process can be challenging for prospective families, waiting children and social workers. Careful consideration has to be made when trying to place special needs children into families in order to reduce the risk of failed placements/adoptions. The placement process can be further complicated when trying to place siblings together.
All families who enter the homestudy process for adoption must be assessed in regards to their financial situation. In order to meet the child’s physical, mental and emotional needs, an adoptive family must have the financial means to support a child without regard to adoption assistance. This part of the homestudy assessment is another safeguard for the child and family.
As age appropriate, youth are asked to participate within their own recruitment plan to find an adoptive family. We find that this participation helps foster youth to adjust and transition more smoothly when moving towards adoption. Some children have grand ideals about a prospective adoptive family, but their social worker and other involved professionals should be assisting these youth with this process.
Some of the criteria examined in the adoption committee process include the following:
• Family’s ability to meet the physical, emotional, and mental needs of the child
• Compatibility between the child’s personal characteristics and the expectations of all members of the adoptive family
• Specific experiences and/or training the family has had that prepares them to provide for the special needs the child may have
• Resources in the family’s community to assist the family in meeting the child’s special needs
• Family’s willingness to initiate and participate in medical and/or therapeutic treatment (if needed)
• The adoptive family’s willingness to accept and maintain a child’s birth family connections as appropriate
I would encourage you both to talk with your respective agencies about your frustrations. Specifically, ask your agency about the average wait for a referral/placement for their approved families. Also, is your agency sending out your home study on your behalf and actively working with you in the matching process? Does your agency know of any community based support groups to help you during this process and wait?
In my experience, placement time can be dependent on the family’s criteria for a child. Specifically, a family may be open to any age, sex and race, but are not willing to parent children with certain special needs and/or sibling groups. When families limit what special needs they are willing to parent, they may have a difficult time matching/finding a waiting child to adopt. Our foster children come from diverse backgrounds and include sibling groups that need to be placed together. The average age of a foster child in NC is nine years old and most of our foster children have emotional and behavioral difficulties. What special needs are you willing to parent and is this criteria impacting a placement?
Thanks again for your willingness to share your stories.
I find it insulting that anyone who knows what we go through to be able to foster/adopt would consider that we are referring to the available children as a "kid store". It's the fact that they keep asking for people to do more, but when we are there, the process is so extremely sluggish that nothing gets accomplished. Studies show that children in unstable situations (i.e. those who are not adopted but stay in foster care their whole life), have a greater chance of doing jail time and having more serious issues later in life. As a foster parent, I know I can't save every child out there. I wish I was Bill Gates and had the monetary ability to do more, such as donate to the Office of Permanency, etc. I can help at least one child. That may be one less child to become a statistic. Anyone who has kids adopted or not does it for selfish reasons. It's self fulfillment. Waiting is agony. Waiting without answers as to why is ridiculous and unprofessional of these state agencies.
What helped in the adoption process? Knowing people in the state office!! Partnership with all involved seemed to be the key!
Hindered? New State workers not familiar with the adoption process!!
Factors of rejection: I would probably say the amount of children you already have in your home. Also, we have been interested in additional children about 6 months after adopting. State doesn't seem to want to place children right after an adoption. They want to give the adopted child time to adjust - regardless of how WELL the child may be doing!
Ann
AdoptUsKids is honored to help military families adopt children waiting in foster care and has compiled the guide “Wherever my family is: that’s home!” to assist these families. It is ironic that adopting, even when adopting a child from the United States, is often very challenging for members of the military. The mobility of military families presents special challenges that other prospective adoptive families may not face; but challenges can be overcome when committed professionals choose to be creative, flexible and to work collaboratively. The Department of Defense (DoD) has established comprehensive Family Service Centers at most military installations to help military personnel and their families with a variety of needs. These centers may be the first place a family goes to learn about adoption and to seek help with family issues. They may be a resource to help families with pre-adoption training requirements too, and other needed pre-and post-adoption services. The military provides families with extensive health care and educational benefits; reimbursement for adoption expenses; and many other services, which are not ordinarily available to most civilians. To learn more about military families and the adoption process, go to http://www.adoptuskids.org/images/resourceCenter/militaryGuide.pdf to view the AdoptUsKids guide.
In Anchorage, the things that might get you rejected as a match for achild are: You unwillingness to keep the child connected to their culture and unwillingness to have an open adoption. Other thing mightbe your discipline techniques (if you don't have a full toolbox, theywould have you take some more training classes). Tammy
The person who wrote on March 26th and had some connections in Ga. Please - anything to help us. It seems ike we are just setting there.
To Annony Woman who wants to leave this planet as a Mommy from a few days ago: I completely understand! I used to feel the redness in my face when at church they would ask (on Mother's Day) for Mothers to be acknowledged. I ended up not going back (on M-Day)after a few of those. We find our arms and laps aching to fill the void...and I'm so thankful for the Foster System that is in place! We chose to foster older sibling groups and were blessed to adopt through the foster system. I feel that the Professionals have tons of empathy (but I'm sorry if you haven't had that same experience). Please keep the faith and hope...your "children" need you! I know that my "Dream Journal" written to my children decades before bringing them in was a lot of help when I needed to write my thoughts down...but we are here too! "He gives you a hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11)
I agree with anonymous. I am also in Georgia. We were told that unless we were foster parents we would proably not be able to adopt.
Our Caseworker told us most children are adopted by their foster families. We found out daughter at an adoption party. DFCS was not too happy with us because she was from the Atlanta area and we are in south Georgia. It required alot of traveling for them. Thank god for My turn now and Adopt us kids. We are hoping to adopt again soon. It looks like it might be out of state this time.
Thank you, Kate, for the link to the military guide. Because we had worked with a local agency before, and adopted in NE, I guess it didn't occur to me to "go back to the beginning" and contact my family support center. My homestudy is current and the adoption was almost a year ago - we're SO ready to consider another adoptive placement. Maybe the question I should be asking is, "Hello, Family Support Center? Do you work directly with any local adoption agencies?" :-) Thanks again for your time and help.
I am at the stage now where I am extremely frustrated. My husband and I have an approved homestudy from Virginia. We have been searching for a biracial female or sibling group. We have been contacted about male teen children, children allergic to animals ( we have 4), and various other children. Are workers even reading our homestudy??? I can not believe how difficult this is! There are very few children on the adoptuskids website in comparison to the number of ACTUAL waiting children. Each time we make inquiries,months go by and nothing happens. The information is outdated and leaves out WAY too much information. Do I need to personally contact each agency in the US and let them know we are available? Heres another thing that irritates me, we made an information request for a child in GA and 4 months later, did an inquiry to see what te status was. We were told her worker was promated and it will be at least 2 more months before the new worker is trained and able to look over the homestudies! In the mean time, this child is sitting in foster care with out a real family. How flawed this system is. I have lost so much confidence it and those I charge. I feel sick for these kids who are essentially lost in the system.
I am single and have adopted 4 children from the foster care system. I too am seeking to add to our family and I am going through the same grueling process as most of you. And as much as I HATE it with a passion, I pray that God keeps me focused on the real issue...a child in need. When we give up...the social workers don't miss out on a thing, we miss out on the opportunity to love a child and the child misses out on perhaps permanency. If it is any consolation to you all, I have been looking for two years to add to my family and I am considered an experienced parent having dealt with RAD, FAS, FASE, and learning dissabilities. Please-Please-Please, I urge you not to give up. It is not the fault of these children that social workers stand in the way of their forever family...happiness...stability.
How many of you ever thought of writing Oprah or Dr. Phil or another talk show to stand together and let the world know that WE as perspective families are in this together and it just does not seem right for these children.
Contact Kate Kirkpatrick for my contact information to speak with me directly.
For Sara from CT:
I am sorry that you have not heard more since attending the open house. I am not sure if you were signed up for one or if you saw a community posting. I will try to help you regarding your homestudy.
Thanks.
Jean Fiorito
Executive Director
CT Association of Foster and Adoptive Parents
My Wife and I are in Georgia and have just finished our homestudy. It's disappointing to hear all the frustration that everyone seems to face. But it prepares us for a challenging process as well. If anyone has any information that could help us in Georgia we would really appreciate it. We are willing to adopt from any state but we are not sure if that would be more difficult. Any ideas would be appreciated.
To all the ones from georgia. We checked on out of state and we got told we could , but with the man power they could not and it would be a long wait. We go to the adoption parties(Gainville April 5) and still nothing. We got told 7-12 months to be matched. We have called everyone you can think of. Supervisors to state people.We get the same answer. Foster parents most adopt the children. There is still a waiting list to foster to adopt. The list is not as long , but you will wait. My husband and I thought about it , but it is not 100%.Our caseworker said it is 80-100% chance that if we foster to adopt that the child that is place we could adopt them.
The only thing is call your caseworker and bug them, adoption parties, call your regional person to see about children.
We have been waiting now for 4 months. We watch My turn now and Adopt us Kids. When we see a child on Adopt US kids we tell our caseworker.
My name is J. Alvarado and I am a Program Director with the Department of Children and Families (DCF), Office of Foster Care Services in Connecticut. This division is responsible for the recruitment, licensing and support of both foster and adoptive families. I am responding to a anonymous comment by a CT couple who have been unsuccessful at speaking with a DCF employee who can begin the assessment process for adoption. I first want to apologize for any difficulty you may have encountered. One thing is for certain and that is that the adoption process and at times the Department can be difficult to navigate. I want to make sure that we help you in any way possible. I also want to ensure that we identify those gaps that we have in our system and resolve it. If you or anyone you know requires any assistance do not hesitate to contact me. I will be sure to put you in contact with one of 5 managers who cover the entire state. My contact information: J. Alvarado, Program Director, Office of Foster Care Services, Area Office Operations. You do not have to be a resident of CT to contact me or to adopt a child from CT.
I am sorry to hear that you have been having some trouble going through the process of adoption. I assure you that the office of permanency is diligently working to process your homestudy paperwork. Due to the number of homestudys that are received, it is difficult to give you a time frame as to how long it normally takes to have a homestudy approved.
The 30 hours of classes you referred to are a requirement for everyone regardless of whether you foster or adopt. The classes are beneficial in helping even “good parents” to understand the emotional and physical abuse our children in foster care have been through and the classes also provide a better understanding as to why children act the way that they do so that we are better equipped to parent them. Without GPS classes, there would be a lot more disruptions as a result of people not knowing exactly what to expect when an abused/neglected child comes into your home.
15 hours of CEU’s which are continuing education courses are required for foster parents only in order to maintain their license. 15 hours can easily be earned by going to seminars, watching DVD’s, reading books, or attending weekend workshops offered by AFAPA (Alabama Foster and Adoptive Parent Association) & other organizations. These courses are beneficial in teaching you additional parenting techniques and providing you with further information as to what ways you can best reach out to a child based on his/her past situation.
I understand your frustration with the system and your desire to provide a loving and permanent home to a child. The system itself is designed to match children with families first and then families with children. Because of this, you may notice that the time it takes to adopt is relatively longer if you cannot be matched immediately based on criteria that you specified. Also, because children are the priority of everyone involved (DHR, Social workers, foster parents, adoptive parents) it is essential that these steps are taken to carefully decide which parents would be a good match for which children in a number of different aspects – this is especially true since you are looking to adopt school age children who have already begun to develop a personality and learning skills. Once the child has been placed with your family and all steps have been taken to assist in preventing a disruption & to ensure that both your family and the child would like to be a part of each other’s lives, I am sure you will agree that that child was worth the wait.
Tiffany P. Anderson
Recruitment Response Team Leader
our home study has been complete for about a year and a half now. we have asked about hundreds of children. some are still sitting on the adoptuskids site. some of the children have been there since we started. we are getting a little frusterated. wondering if this will ever happen. we really want to help a child. we have a loving, stable home to give a child. We understand how the anonymous blogger feels. We are wondering if this will ever happen for us and a child.
I would like to know who posted the following comment so that I can personally follow up with you and mediate between your family and the county DHR that you are having trouble with.
Tiffany Anderson
Recruitment Response Team Leader
The blog said:
At least you have your homestudy done. We started inquiries in September of 2006. I'm in AL and am STILL WAITING on my homestudy to go to the state. It still has a month of processing once it gets there, but I can't even get it there. I think the system is messed up. I wanted to adopt school age children and not babies, otherwise, I would have gone out of country. This is ridiculous. They say, "Please adopt or foster a child", and then, "Oh, by the way, it'll take a minimum of 2 years, 167 phone calls, 30 hours of classes, plus 15 continuing hours of education per year, watching other people WITH CHILDREN and sitting there in agony wondering when your turn will come." I've cried myself to sleep over it so many times in the last few months that it's riduculous. There's all these children waiting, and all these parents waiting, and all we are doing is wasting time.
I've read through the posts on this thread. So many issues/challenges faced by those of us whose desire is to help children in need. I'm going to split my post into three parts. Post 1 is a short history of our foster/adoption experience. Post 2 will be 'Where we are now'. Post 3 will be a couple of thoughts on how we could proceed.
First, my wife and I were blessed with four bio-children. They are now grown, successful adults.
As a member of the military, my wife and I tried to adopt for three full years while I was assigned to West Point (NY state). It was amazing - we submitted our home study for well-over 400 children. We were never selected, but one time we were told that we'd made the final three. One SW actually told us we couldn't adopt a young black girl because we wouldn't know how to wash her hair! We went next door (to our black neighbor and asked about the special challenges we'd face - she responded by saying that she washed her hair with Pert - the same shampoo my wife uses).
Another SW told us that we wouldn't know how to handle 'their kids' because our bio-children were perfect, but 'their kids' weren't.
Another SW told us that we couldn't adopt three boys ages 4, 6, and 8 because they only knew the 'city culture' - they couldn't possibly make the adjustment. What a joke.
We have been a foster family for several years - but we were not able to adopt any of the foster children placed with us, the children were always returned to their bio-families - - we do not know how many/most of them have fared, but for the ones we do know about - it hasn't been pretty. Consequently, we decided to place all of our efforts on adopting.
My wife and I completed the MAPP training in NY. Then, when we moved to Idaho, we were told that we had to attend PRIDE training. Same training, but a different cover on the binder.
Yes, the system is drastically broken - - and children suffer needlessly.
Post 2 'Where we are now'
This past July, my wife and I were selected to adopt a sibling group of four children. On Oct 2, 2007, they moved into our home. (We tried to get them into our home in-time for school registration, but 'the system' just couldn't move that quickly). Anyway, the oldest child was 14. I'm not certain why he was included in the sidling group because he had stated from the very beginning that he didn't want to be adopted. We didn't know it at the time, but soon learned that children over the age of 12 have the right to refuse an adoption. I don't need to go into detail. It is sufficient to say that he is no longer living with us and the younger children are much more relaxed. They have been with us over 6 months now and everything is going well.
We would like to expand our family by adding more sibling groups. My wife and I believe that we could handle between 10 - 14 children. We've heard stories of families that have successfully adopted many children. Our problem is that we only have a four bedroom - one bath home. One option I am considering is to create a non-profit organization entitled 'the Sibling House'. I have been very successful in the grant writing field and am confident that I could write grants to improve our facilities. We live on 5 acres in the country - so we have plenty of room to grow. It is an ideal place for children.
I contacted the local Health and Welfare office and the State Health and Welfare office. Neither of them have heard of anyone pursuing this course of action so they were not much help. The one thing they both agreed on was that we are not required to meet the standards of a 'group home' because - by definition, a group home is temporary care. As an adoptive home, we do not need to meet these requirements. However, though we are not required to meet these standards, I believe it wise to meet as many of the requirements as possible to strengthen our home study.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how we should proceed?
Post 3 - Where to from here
We all agree that the system for adoption in America is broken. I've been involved, both as a foster-dad and as an adoptive-dad. I believe the system can not be fixed until a separate adoption advocacy agency is created in each state.
Here's how my system would work.
1. The Health and Welfare departments in each State creates a set a qualifying criteria that each foster and adoptive family must meet. (These criteria already exist).
2. A judge determines when parental rights are terminated and the children are free to be adopted.
3. The adoption advocacy agency matches children with qualified families and oversees the adoption.
4. If the Health and Welfare agency believed that there was some disqualifying aspect of the adoption, they would be required to submit their concerns to a judge for judical action.
Currently, the Health and Welfare agencies are holding these children hostage to ensure their staffing levels remain high. Staffing levels are based on the number of cases they must oversee. A large staff = a large budget which = more more power (clout) for agency execs within the state. Once the children are adopted-out, they are no-longer counted as a active case. We have a situation where the fox is controlling access to the hen house.
I am convinced that - if there was an adoption advocacy group and the system ran as outlined above, there would be a tremendous decline in the number of cases managed by the Health and Welfare department and, therefore a huge decline in their staffing levels - - not to mention the improved circumstances for the children placed in permanent homes creating lifetime bonds.
Suggestions:
1. Contact your elected officials and plead with them to change the system.
2. Run for office yourself to change the system
3. Write 'letters to the editor' to your local newspaper.
4. Support a candidate that shares your views with regard to the Health and Welfare department.
Does anyone have other suggestions/observations?
Regarding the comment: "(And this social worker's approach was to let the girl read the homestudies and decide for herself.) Can a 12-year-old girl really understand these homestudies and make such an informed decision?"
I am appalled that a prospective adoptee can arbitrarily go through our homestudy. What about our rights to privacy? Is this ethical or legal?
I live in Massachusetts and if I discovered this happens with my homestudy I will be contacting a lawyer to sue that agency that released my homestudy.
I really agree with how difficult it is to adopt! My husband and I married late in life and have been trying unsuccessfully for 2.5 years to conceive. We always assumed if we couldn't get pregnant we'd "just adopt". We had no idea how difficult it is! We decided to adopt a little girl from China, only to have them change the requirements, leaving us no longer eligible due to age, etc. Then we tried Guatemala, only to have the process shut down due to political problems. It will probably not open up until 2009! We are looking at Siberia, but the youngest we can probably get is a 2 year old. We are certified foster parents in TN with a current homestudy, and have submitted it to TX and FL for available children, but so far have not been "selected" and we have no idea why! Judging from some of the other responses, maybe it's because we have a dog or are retired military! I have been an early childhood specialist most of my life with experience with children with special needs, yet cannot adopt an infant/toddler--partially because there are so few available. Besides an "act of God", what does it take to be able to adopt?
I have had my share of negative experiences with various family services agencies on the county level and some have had, in my opinion, some questionable caseworkers. There are "bad eggs" in every profession and I think all will agree to that.
I think that most caseworkers are overworked and many have caseloads that are not very manageable. I personally know two workers work more than the required hours per week without getting reimbursed for it just so that they can meet the needs of the caseload they are carrying.
I know, also, that most county agencies have a high turn over rate for caseworkers which often leads to a less effective system. Part of this might be due to the salary involved but I think another part of it is wondering how long one can work in this field and see the horrors that many see and still remain sane in the process. Not only do these workers have to deal with what a lot of the children have been removed from but in the end see those children returned right back to the same home and family. The caseworkers may have some input to their cases but it is untimately the decision of the courts as to where these children land for the long run. In a case that I had that a foster child remained in care for 7 years and never did have rights terminated the caseworkers all were in agreement that TPR was appropriate - it was the court system that kept allowing the mother "another chance".
I dont know why we tend to want to put the total blame on the individual child's worker. I think in very few cases do they make the major decisions. I believe it goes to an adoption worker, adoption unit, a supervisor, a committee, etc and I have to wonder how often the caseworkers opinions are valued. Next to the foster parents, I would think the caseworker knows the child best. You have workers who do intake, workers who monitor the foster homes, workers that read the homestudies, supervisors who approve the home studies then pass them off to another department. Is it any wonder with all these "steps" that the process is lengthy and complicated?
In my opinion, the way to correct the system is to simplify it. A caseworker would get so many cases that they would be involved in from start to finish. I am sure at some point someone would have to do the "specialized" work for the pending adoption but the caseworker should also be involved in this process. And, built into the caseworkers schedule should be a certain amount of office time to do such things as return calls to prospective parents. Let the caseworker follow up in person or by phone on the a home study they have been impressed with. Most of all, allow them to see a case through to the end and once in a while experience the happy endings that have happened due to their hard work and dedication.
Again, I have dealt with some caseworkers who I thought were insensitive and rude, I have dealt with some who I truly felt had no interest in their work, as well as those who didnt seem to want to be bothered by me and my questions. There really is no excuse for this. On the other hand, there may be some legitmate reasons for such behavior.
If we want to change the system, I say gather together the caseworkers and allow them to express what is wrong with the system and how to "fix" it. They are the people using it on a daily basis.
I think after reading the above back to myself I am going to establish a new rule for myself. I think that every time I have the opportunity to speak directly to a caseworker I will state that I realize they are very busy and appreciate that they are taking the time to speak to me. If I leave a message maybe I will state that although I realize they are very busy that I would really appreciate any time they could give to me in the form of a return call. After writing this blog I think I have realized what a no win position they can be in and maybe a little bit of appreciation from those of us who expect the same will go a long way.
In the meantime, I think we need to think of changes on a grand scale, on a federal level so that each state receives equal funding as well as the laws and regs are equal across the board.
Olympic gypsy:
In our experiences with Nebraska foster care and adoption, I think the system already words kind of like that. (Maybe I'm misunderstanding you?) We had a different agency that stepped in and moved the adoption forward once the parental rights were dealt with... Honestly, I don't think the problems we've faced have been because of the system itself. Our case managers are so over-worked, and such a high turn-over rate! Only one of the case managers who worked with "our" kids was there for a whole case. (Or at least the part of it she could be there for. They did assign a new case manager at the adoption-speciality agency...) She was very over-worked and stressed, but dedicated! So many of the caseworkers we've met had over 60 cases on their hands - how can they ever get anything done with that many families on their roster? We did run into a few (mostly younger) caseworkers who seemed hyper-vigilant for anything wrong and treated us like second class citizens - whether it was because we were foster parents (ironic, much?), military, or whatever reason. I interpreted it as a form of being jaded - once you see so many abused kids, hear so many horrible stories, one too many houses with skeletons in the closet, you kind of start to see them everywhere. Every family is a potential abuser, no one is good enough to adopt "your" kids, no one can understand them like you do... And the newbie foster homes (like us!), and parental hopefuls are just "clueless" about the process, etc... I'd have to say that in my personal opinion I rate social work a close second to telemarketing in terms of Most Stressful Job Ever. :-) I imagine that a lot of the time the rules and the system frustrate the professionals involved too - not just the adoptive and foster parents.
And to both olympic gypsy and anonymous, retired military:
We were able to adopt our very first foster placement. It happened in a little less than two years; from that first emergency, late-night placement to the finalization. I've been told that's actually pretty quick (and from what I've seen and experienced in other cases, it really is!). How did it happen? Patience. I never miss an opportunity to tell the other people involved with a case how much I appreciate them - because I really do. I've noticed that communication is essential to helping cases move along (whether the kids are staying with us forever, going to a relative, going home, or moving on). I think of us, as the foster parents, as the hub of a wheel. Sometimes it seems like we are the only ones with all the contact information for everyone else down each of those spokes... So I picture our family as the hub of a *broken* wheel. We were rather idealistic, I think - knowing how things are is very different than living them. So we really did think that our first placement would be reunited with her bio-family. We saw them together, saw their bond, knew that it was a good family struggling through hard times... I credit our great relationship with the bio-family for the fact that they decided (on their own!) to relinquish their rights. I tried (it was HARD!) to trust that the people working with us (and the bio-family) weren't as uncaring as they seemed. That they really did have our little girl's best interests at heart. That if she had to move on to other family members it would be for valid reasons, and not just because we were "only the foster parents". I opened up my heart to those unknown bio-family members and tried to picture someone calling me about my sister's kids - how would I feel that they had been in a foster home, unbeknownst to me, for years? Would that family be nameless, faceless, SYSTEM!? Certainly, I'd want that child to come and live with me. So I wrote very careful letters to everyone who expressed an interest in adopting her. So I told them about us; about our family, about the child in question and her life with us... Eventually they all dropped out of the running on their own, and with our assurances that we would send updates and pictures (which we have)...
The gist of it is that, in my limited experience, the sytem has snags. Primarily because it is made up of many cogs with different shaped wheels. But I don't think it's broken (not entirely) - not when so many people who honestly love and care about not just the children but the families too are trying their best to do what they feel is right... But now I'm getting teary-eyed... And we were blessed with our daughter because we were willing to let her go, because we love her biological family (in an extended-family sort of way - we feel like we adopted them too...), and because we were willing to stick with the entire process, ups and downs, whether we agreed with what was happening or not - and care for her the best that we could no matter what the outcome. Some of the emergency placements we have had went on to other adoptive placements. Some went to relatives. Very few have gone back to their families. But only that one, special baby was here to stay. We had no way of knowing that until recently (almost a year after the adoption, it's finally settling in that no one is going to show up at my front door to pick her up forever...). Adoption through foster care is quite a ride! But if we look at it in terms of helping each child as they come through, helping each family and trying to accept them for who they are, and occasionally we even get to *consider* adoption as an option... then it's much less heart breaking to see them go. (I've even had a few that I was happy and fulfilled to see go where they were going - because I honestly felt that they would be in a good place...) None without tears, of course... The problems we have now (that I suspect are because we're military and don't know exactly when we'll be leaving the state), are because we have stopped fostering to concentrate only on adoption. Which really does seem an entirely different process - even if you're adopting through the foster care program!...
I'm from Brazil and my husband is American. We are taking classes to adopt, but after I read all the comments I'm wondering if we are doing the right thing. Is the Unitad States the right place to adopt a child?
TO THE ANONYMOUS POST ON 3/31 WHO MENTIONED DR. PHIL, PLEASE EVERYONE GO TO HIS SITE THERE IS A TOPIC OPTION RIGHT NOW ON ADOPTION PROBLEMS, EVERYONE TELL YOUR STORY AND SHED SOME LIGHT ON THIS ISSUE. MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO ADOPT FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND WE ARE NO CLOSER. WHEN WE FINALLY GOT OUR HOMESTUDY THERE WERE SO MANY ERRRORS IN IT AND WE CAN GET NO ONE NOT EVEN SUPERVISORS TO ADDRESS THIS, WE ARE NOW GOING TO START ALL OVER WITH A PRIVATE AGENCY SO WE CAN HAVE AN ACCURATE HOMESTUDY. OUR RESOURCE WORKER HAS NO DESIRE TO HELP US WITH ADOPTING A CHILD. WE ALSO WERE TOLD THAT OUR DOGS ARE AN ISSUE, HOW CAN MY HOME BE GOOD ENOUGH TO FOSTER CHILDREN BUT NOT TO ADOPT CHILDREN? OUR KINDNESS AND COMPASSION FOR ANIMALS SHOULD BE A GOOD THING, I EVEN HAVE LETTERS FROM MY VET, MY PET SITTER, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS ALL STATING HOW WELL BEHAVED AND SWEET MY DOGS ARE BUT YET BECAUSE OF HOW OUR HOMESTUDY IS WRITTEN AND THE ERRORS WHICH INVOLVE MY DOGS WE DO NOT EVEN GET LOOKED AT TO ADOPT A CHILD. ANYONE IN NJ WHO CAN HELP US PLEASE, MY HEART BREAKS EVERYDAY. I DO NOT EVEN LIKE TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE BECAUSE IT HURTS WATCHING THE MOMS WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. WITH APROX. 120,000 CHILDREN LEGALLY FREE LOOKING FOR FOREVER HOMES IT IS DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND WHY IT IS SO IMPOSSIBLE TO ADOPT.
to Sommer:
Thank you for your story/journey. I know how tough these experiences are. Probably our most remarkable story happened a few years back when the state was down to their last day to return two of our foster children to their bio-mom (who, btw, moved out-of-state so she'd no-longer be subject to the state's DHW). A time was set for the transfer of the children (to occur at the DHW offices) - - mom didn't show. When the SW called 'mom' she stated that she wasn't able to get away from work so she'd have to collect the children later. Since the children had to be transferred to the bio-mom that day, the mom and SW agreed that the children should be left with a neighbor until she could get there. (Remember, she moved out-of-state - - she was a 7-hour drive away and I'm certain the neighbor's weren't licensed foster care providers.) I was stunned.
The question I have regarding the system in Nebraska is this - 'are the SW's that handle the adoption part of the DHW system or are they an external/independent agency?' The only way the system can improve is if the Adoption Agency personnel are indepent from DHW. Our state just 'reorganized to speed up the adoption process' by assigning all of the adoptive cases to an 'adoption specialist', but she still is within the DHW. She also has too many cases to be effective. Our children have been with us over 6 months already and she has not even begun the adoption paperwork - so much for speeding up the process. In my 'perfect world' the SW in the Adoption agency would be autonoumous from the DHW and receive a bonus for each successful adoption.
I am also a bit baffled. The SW told me that the first step in the adoption process is called 'full disclosure' - that hasn't happened yet. We've still not been given any of their family history or medical history. How can we effectively parent when we don't know the issues/challenges (either emotionally or physically) that these children have faced/endured? Seems that full-disclosure would happen before placement. oh well.
Here are a couple of other points I'd like to make regarding your post.
1. I think the long time-period for an adoption is not as problematic for infants. I am certain it is just as frustrating though. The law requires that older children be enrolled in public school. For most of these children, public school is the worst possible place they can be. When we tried to adopt the 14 year old, he came to our home late on a Saturday and was in school the following Monday morning. There was no bonding time. Plus, he was able to make all of the 'new contacts' running in the same 'circles' that he'd had in his previous homes. We also had all of the challenges associated with multiple authority figures in his lfe. I was constantly on the phone with the teachers and coaches verifying the stories he was feeding me. Of course, most of them were false, so the child developed a significant resentment towards me for checking up on him. He was also able to gain internet acccess at school that allowed him to continue his previous 'druggie relationships' and other nefarious contacts. The placement was doomed from the beginning. Older children, with significant challenges, need an environment where they have significant, consistent oversight. They need a home-school environment - not public school chaos. Public school is not the place for troubled youth.
2. The other aspect that I will point out is a much more minor point. So long as the chidren remain in the pre-adoptive placement, we must get a judge's approval to take them out of the state for travel. We think travel is a significant learning experience, it is also a tremendous time for family bonding. Another aspect of this is that we can not take the children out of the country (even to Mexico or Canada) until the adoption is finalized because we can not obtain passports for them. As you can imagine from my screen name - I am involved in Olympic planning. The next Winter Games are in Vancouver, so I'll probably be involved up there at some point, it would be nice to have the adoption finalized so we could take the family up there.
Personally, at my advanced age (53) I am not interested in adopting an infant. We're focused on older children - so the time-challenges and rules associated with these children are significant and certainly have a negative impact the likelihood of a successful adoption. If it takes 2 years to adopt an 8-year old - - that's 20% of the time that the child is likely to be living in the home just to get through the process. That is totally unacceptable!
I understand why there is a shortage of adoptive parents. People who know us, know we would be great parents. At first I was a great supporter of the work of Social Services (SS), but unfortunately the delays and frustrations have lead to some negative comments with co-workers. The result is that at least two other potential adoptive families in my office will not try to adopt through SS because of some of my experiences.
Home Studies/Certification should be quick - 2 Months tops, not 4 months in our case.
Profile of the type of child(Children) that adoptive families should be developed WITH the adoptive family, not for the adoptive family.
SS has boxed us in for a specific childs needs, when in fact we are highly adaptable. We started the process wanted a one child, 4-6 years old, and are now prepared to accept up to 4 children at just about any age. I don't think they realize or care what we are capable.
Hi, We live in Arizona. We are currently certified for foster care only. We have had our two (foster) boys for over two years and are in the process of adopting them. According to the agency that is taking our license from foster care to fost/adopt the process of just getting the license "upgraded" takes 8-12 months! That doesn't include court dates etc... We are interested in adopting another sibling group and I have seen a few groups we'd be interested in on this website. I am wondering if it is possible to inquire to these children before the final homestudy is complete? When speaking about this to our agency they said each state has their own guidelines and we would have to re-qualify again anyway in the other state. So if we currently have a foster care homestudy complete is it possible to talk to another state about there children in the foster care system? Thanks for your time.
Ah, my favorite topic. I have come to the conclusion that California has to be near the worst in the country. I thankfully found and adopted my son through WA which really bent over backwards to make the process about our family and not about the worker and the system, as I've found in CA. I ended up with an incredible 10 year old boy as a result of my searching and doing plenty of leg work. The adoption proceeded without a hitch and we finalized 6 mos to the day after placement.
Now, with an updated Homestudy, and references from all of the professionals I've dealt with, about ours being one of the most successful attachments and the subsequent flourishing of my son, I've been trying to adopt again. I have opted against concurrent/fostering as my son spent 5 years in foster and I don't want to create yet another foster home for him.
It took my worker 6 mos to update the homestudy. In 5 years the only referral I've had from San Diego county was an older boy being immediately removed from his foster home. (I am not in concurrent planning and she wanted to know if she could bring him in an hour.) She had no information on him and was quite miffed when I said no, that my priority was to protect my son.
Following an inquiry I made into a boy in another state, my worker told his worker that I wouldn't be open to his relationship with siblings. My homestudy, which she wrote, clearly states in two places that I'd happily facilitate this.
The bottom line is that CA is a disaster. I work with support groups and hear the same stories over and again. The victims are the kids who are terming out of the system while thousands of loving homes are empty and waiting.
This quote that the system workers use like a shield that " they are working for the kids, is a load of &%$*. With some notable exceptions, the majority, in my experience, are working on propagating their own system and developing silly classes they teach on overtime. (Most of which are ridiculous, ill-conceived and even more poorly executed.)
The even more ridiculous system of Concurrent Planning, which not only holds the child in limbo, but when a family is a match, there is no defining line for the child that the chaos stopped at the door of his new home. The workers, continuing court cases, the birth family visits all keep the kid in his state of turmoil and instability. It also keeps adoptive parents from being able to search and make inquiries in their own behalf.
I'm looking forward to the right one coming along, but I am quite sure it will be in spite of the work of San Diego County. I would really like to work through WA again as my experience with my son was so positive.
Despite my acerbic and synical review, I'm really not an angry person. I am, however, constantly distressed that we throw our kids away and have let a system be created that is so out of control that many families end up going out of the country. What a shame for our kids and what an embarrassment for our country.
How is it that every time I do an inquiry on "adoptuskid" and I make contact with that social worker, the child is already place? Even if it is the same day that that specific child has first shown up on the web site. Is the web site more for advertisement? Is there anyone at adoptuskids that looks at our profile to try and make matches?
I have to say the process is bad. it is definatly not working in the best interest of the kids involved.
I have been in the process for over five years. it took my home state over two years to get my home study started. They can't keep staff long enough to do really anything. Then there are hundreds of kids on THIS SITE that I have inquired on gotten no answers and they sat and most are still waiting some over several years now.
Here is why;
I am a single male trying to adopt and the only kids they consider for me are kids that are so involved I would have to quit my job and stay at home with them (last resort kids) These are kids with FAS, Drugs in Utero, or some other major psychological condition. No one else will take them so they can go to a single man.
Less than two percent of adoptions go to single men in todays day and age.
Now I could understand some resistance such as does he know what to do in this case or that... but I am a social worker with over twenty eight years working with behaviorally challenged boys as my profession. i have been raising other peopples kids and teaching parents to raise theirs. Including teaching parenting classes for some states I have worked in ...talk about ironic!
i am sure it would be more preferable to the child to be adopted by a single dad that wants them than to stay in the system for several years...
Sorry it just discusts me to see this.
I am giving up! I have tried for too long, invested too much money traveling here and there to visit workers and now my new state - GA refuses to update my home study unless there is a child matched with me first? What is that? How can you get matched with out a current home study.
I am pretty sure it is preffered to wear out the single men with the process so they can stick to the norm.. Gay couples and single women both get preference over single men. the only successfule single men that i know who have adopted have had the money and the connections to force the State by threat of litigation. i do not have that luxery!
You need a single mens adoption link / blog page!
Thank you for this website as it confirms that I am not alone in my frustration with the adoption process. South Carolina is in the dark ages when it comes to adoptions, but I know our Gov. Sanford shows great interest in improving the unacceptably long waits for both children and people like myself. TPR's can take years to file, single people, especially men are at the bottom of the list for many social workers, and communication is often tardy or non-existent. Thank you for US Adoptkids website and blog! CHARLESTON, SC
FLORIDA- I have visited a child in Florida at a group home, age 16 who is deemed emotionally disturbed, who requires medication, is African American and considered hard to place. The system there will not allow me to finalize my adoption in my home state of Maryland, because,"..that's the way we do it." Additionally they will not work with my agency but insist that they will work directly with me, no third party. Additionaly,with a completed homestudy, fingerprints done and cleared, references, done and cleaared, financial report done, and all of the other items that a family has to go through, Florida wants me to sign subsidy agreements, with no backup plans for the child turning 18 and still requiring medical care that he may need but not be eligible for if he is not in school( he is severely learning disabled and has an IEP & will earn a special diploma of attendance- not a high school diploma), he will not attend college, and my health plan will stop covering him when he is not a full-time student.Thus his meds will stop, and if he needs a special psychiatric hospitalization, he would not be covered by my plan. Florida is insisting that I sign documents as if the adoption is ready to be finalized before placement, select an attorney from their list who is in Flordia, agree to waive receiving birth records and previous medical records, because "they are not available at this time" etc. As a result, the child who has now visited our family in our state for an extended period, and returned in Florida January 1, from the visit, has waited until March 12, for Florida to complete and send and ICPC request to Maryland. We have gotten his current IEP this year to our local school system so they may make preperations for his arrival, and Florida will not move unless I agree to all of their apparently unreasonable requests. Thus for the moment this child who has been waiting about 11 years in this facility is not going to be placed and the agency is covering their trails, by making it appear that I am the unreasonable parent.
I want Flordia to accept my homestudy and my clearances, references, financial report, health report, and finger printing done recently, by Maryland, to give my agency a DSHS an agreement to supervise the placement to finalization, and explore all possible subsidy inclusions beyond a maintenance of $412/ monthlhy to cover the unforeseen and necessary health care that this youngster may need beyond 18. I feel that Florida has taken a permanent home away from this youngster. Someone have any facts or helpful explanations regarding Florida. My experience has led me to believe that while they have children and many older, hard to place children, they truly do not cooperate with out of state placement possibilities.
We have been trying to adopt a child between the ages of 5 -11 for over a year now. It is very frustrating! We adopted two children from Russia 5yrs and decided to adopt again however, did not want to travel to another country to do it. We had so many people comment to us at the time of our first adoption that their are so many children in the US that needs homes so why did you go all the way to Russia! Well now I tell them I wish we would have done an International Homestudy because I'm finding it impossible to adopt in the USA!! It's especially difficult in the State of Illinois! After endless phone calls and unreturned calls from agency reps. I have pretty much given up! If there are so many children in the foster care system who are eligible for adoption then why doesn't someone come up with a process that works! We would love to adopt another child and we could provide a good home and it's just one road block after another. I've had so many caseworkers tell me that our homestudy is being reviewed and then I never hear anything. It seems that if you live in Illinois it's impossible to adopt because they want you to foster instead. It's really sad the run around that you go through! Is their anyone out there that could give me some direction! We are homestudy approved and have our license. DCFS offices are useless. They seem to want to shuffle you around and get rid of you to somebody else.
We are a couple who has successfully raised four children, (one adopted) and would like to adopt an older child or two. We are licenced foster parents, we have gone to countless adoption parties.We have picked out several, maybe even 25 children from the adoptuskids website and although we have heard from a few states, FL, PA, MA and CT, we have had the same results as another blogger, we are informed the child is no longer available. Then a day or even an hour later, the child is right back on the website!I started looking on the website when it began, and a lot of the same kids are still there!The new commercial "You don't have to be perfect to be a parent..." or something like that, is totally misleading. We were once turned down for consideration because we have a DOG that is over the weight limit. Sometimes I think it is too hard for the caseworkers to tell you the truth, you are either too old, too fat, etc. I would like them to be truthful, even if it is painful to hear.
There is a common thread running through many of these blogs...We become licensed in hope of adopting from a county/state agency and end up being subjected to an extremely mismanaged, broken system. How is it that a family with an "excellent" home study has to wait 2 plus years for placement? Why does the state of Maryland (our caseworker), try to force you to foster with the goal of reunification, when you only want to adopt? Does the state and county agengies receive money from the federal and state government respectively based on the number of licensed foster/adoptive families awaiting placement? WHAT CAN WAITING FAMILIES DO TO FACILITATE PLACEMENT OF CHILDREN IN OUR HOMES?
As it know stands, I search websites in and out of my state (Maryland) and inquire about children seen in heart galleries across the country. Most of the time the children have already been matched with a family! Recently, we reviewed a case file for a sibling group and were selected by the placement agency in another state. Just as we were ready to have the formal presentation and meet the children, the foster parents of three years decide to adopt them. Where are the safeguards for the pre-adoptive parents????? Sure the social worker takes responsibility for not "pressing" the foster family more firmly, but in the end, we, the pre-adoptive parents have to stomach the blow. We are starting to learn that when we hear the statement "it is in the best interest of the children", this really is a cover up for terrible mismanagement of a case by the worker! If the foster/adoptive system were a financial institution, it would be bankrupt! WAITING FAMILIES LET'S DO SOMETHING TO HELP FIX THE FAILED SYSTEM....TOO MANY CHILDREN'S LIVES ARE BEING NEGATIVELY IMPACTED! Our patience is growing thin... alternative measures like private adoption and infertility treaments which have their own set of risks, is starting to look much more attractive! Also, my friends are watching what we are experiencing and are totally turned off by the public adoption programs.
To the person who blogged about asking about children seen on the adoption website then being told they have already been placed: I've experienced the same thing and I don't believe a word of anything most people in the child welfare system tell me. I'm now distrustful because when I recently inquired about some toddlers I saw again on a website, I was told one thing by my case worker and something completely different by the children's case worker. I'm being as aggressive as I can without being obnoxious in terms of inquiring about these children. I don't want to alienate the social workers and I definitely don't want them taking retaliatory action against me. I'm hopeful that everything will come together soon and I'll have a sibling group in my home. Char
We have been licensed Foster/adopt Parents in NY (metro suburbs) for quite a while... in the meantime we have adopted two from China.. a baby girl, now a toddler and recently a 4 year old boy (special needs but minor and correctable) -
And NO, we had NO racial/age or gender preferences. In all the time we have been licensed - only ONE phone call about a placement has occurred!! And the timing was off (would have interupted the adoption of our 6 yo son) so we were forced to decline. We still want more children... but you folks got it right - it is hard or next to impossible!!
I wish that every single time someone criticized our decision to FINALLY turn to China to adopt our children (what American kids aren't good enough? etc) they understood the shoes we walk in!! Four years - six figure income, beyond masters degrees (I am a PhD my DH is JD) and plenty of room... still NO CALLS!
It is a joke.. foster care is great (saved my life when I was a child) BUT kids need permanent loving homes... sooner rather than later! We have one.. where are the NY kids?
To Anonymous in NY:
The NY kids are still there and still waiting--nearly 1,000 of them! They are mostly over 8 years old, mostly boys, mostly African American or Latino, mostly children with emotional, psychological, or physical challenges, and many sibling groups. Every single one of them needs a parent or two who will make a lifetime commitment to them.
I think it is wonderful that you were able to adopt two children from China, and I very much hope you will pursue your interest in adopting again from NY.
An article on our website, "Adopting a Waiting Child: Tips on Finding a Child and Speeding the Process," http://www.nysccc.org/Adoptive%20Parent%20Info./waittoadopt.htm, can be very helpful to all who are in that "limbo land" between approval for adoption and placement of a child. The article gives solid, practical advice on how to to be fully involved in every step of the adoption process--a must for every prospective adoptive parent!
The last couple of tips in the article bear repeating here: Be persistent! (If you give up, another child continues to wait.) And, remember, there IS a child who needs you. When you find each other, you'll know the wait was worth it! Thank you for your commitment to adoption, and best wishes,
Judith Ashton
Recruitment Response Team for all of New York State except New York City
Just wondering how many of you have seen or have a copy of your homestudy? I didnt know we were able to do that?
I am now on my 2nd social worker and feel pretty neglected. She is only a PT employee and has about 30 families, so right there I know Im shooting less than an hour a week! I feel like we ( my husband and I) are doing all the work, searches, contacts, parties etc... But, still we get the same result- Sorry, you were not selected as a family for this child. Or, -chid on hold, placement pending. ETC. So how many of youhave changed agencies? Why cant we be registered with more than one? Anyone have any tips? Anyone in VA with a POSITIVE experience?
I can truely relate to some comments made by William, a single guy trueing to adopted. I have experienced some of the same issues when I first got licensed two years ago.
I told my worker that I would like a "traditional" child placement, not a special needs child. I am single and work full time and it would be too hard to raise a child that has extreme needs or that is very low functioning. Most
day cares center don't or can't handle a medical complex child or one that needs one on one care.
Since I work I would need a child that can be in day care or in an after school program.
I have been offer mostly special needs kids since since I had been approved, the opposite that I requested. These kids should be only offered to parents that are able to stay home, or two parent homes. The placement workers don't seem to consider my situation when asking if I would ake in a special needs child.
I am Bob Rooks, Director of Florida’s Adoption Information I can’t say what happens for any specific set of circumstances but may be able to get you to the people that may be most helpful for your situation. I would welcome your call. I am able to provide some awareness on a couple of your questions.
Florida Adoption Statue 63.207 Out-of-state placement...(b)Place or attempt to place a minor for the purpose of adoption with a family who primarily lives and works outside Florida in another state. If an adoption entity is acting under this subsection, the adoption entity must file a petition for declaratory statement pursuant to s. 63.102 for prior approval of fees and costs. The court shall review the costs pursuant to s. 63.097. The petition for declaratory statement must be converted to a petition for an adoption upon placement of the minor in the home. The circuit court in this state must retain jurisdiction over the matter until the adoption becomes final. The prospective adoptive parents must come to this state to have the adoption finalized. Violation of the order subjects the adoption entity to contempt of court and to the penalties provided in s.63.21.
My awareness is that Florida’s Adoption Assistance Program ends on a child’s 18th Birthday. If a young person needs services beyond their 18th birthday, one will need to look at eligibility for other programs i.e.; Adult Disability programs.
Information provided in the homestudy should be clear and accurate. If the family has discussed concerns with staff in the Local Office that did the homestudy and not reached resolution, I would suggest contacting the "Resource Family Point Person" in their Area Office. ( Our state is divided into 12 gepgrapic "areas', which oversee the the Local Offices") I am not sure what to say about the dogs. Our licensing regulations haver standards that apply to pets, and obviously they have met them. Unless a child has a medical condition that would preclude placement with a family with pets, most people would consider pets an assest not a deficit.
daryl bender, NJ
Assistant Director Adoptions
Each Agency works on their own time line and that depends on the work load they have. I know some Agencies that have been able to make that change from licensed Foster Family to Certified to Adopt within 30 days (if the Home Study is current).
You do need to have a current Home Study to inquire about the kids on the web site. You should be “Certified to Adopt” before actively searching, due to being able to make a placement without that certification and another family may be ready for that placement with certification already completed.
Each State does have their own criteria for placements but, if you are “certified to Adopt” in any State, other States will honor that. The Adoption actually takes place in YOUR home State which would be Arizona. The adoption has to go thru ICPC compact and the Agency you decide to work with can assist you with that.
I hope this helps with your questions.
Douglas A Reprogle, AZ RRT
As a single woman, one of the concerns the adoption committee had about me was that I didn't have 'parenting' experience. (Although, what non-parent does have a lot of parenting experience?) I would suggest that people get experience with children that they can document - volunteering at a daycare, be a CASA or mentor at a local school -something that can be observed by a reputable person and documented, allowing for a letter or recommendation.
Another factor is being a single parent. Although DHS states that they will not discriminate against single parents, what they say and what they do is a different story.
Sharon
Please contact AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005. Our state recruitment response team will contact you within three business days to answer questions and assist you.
To Daryl Bender,
Who is a Resource Family Point Person and how do I contact the correct one for our area. Our homestudy is so inaccurate we feel like our resource worker was not listening at all during all of our meetings, from her description of our home to my husband's and my life together. We have tried to contact her supervisor several times leaving voice messages and not one return phone call. As for the dogs NJ does not seem to have a problem but we have been told by other states that as long as we have our dogs we will most likely not be considered. I was reading other peoples comments and it seems they are being told the same thing. How sad since all my dogs do is add love and laughter to our lives and have been around children all their lives and are nothing but gentle, sweet loving dogs. My husband and I both feel the dogs would be beneficial to the right child, it is frustrating when we won't even be considered. Thank you
My husband and I have just started our journey into the Foster/Adopt program. We are a family of four hoping to add an older girl to our family. Is is really as hard as everyone states? We are goin through Olive Crest in San Diego, has anyone delt with them? I wish you luck anonymous with your journy.
The person who said they have been on the 2nd caseworker , do not feel lonely. Our first one would not call or email us . Now we feel with our second one that we are by our self.We understand that the caseworkers are overloaded , but we are people too.My husband and I do all the leg work too, then after going to the adoption parties, searches and anywhere else we see a child from our state , it seems like we are doing it for nothing. This is very emotional and tired some.
The question seeing your hometudy my caseworker did not know. I asked the same question and with the caseworker and being so overloaded she will forget to ask her supervisor.
Can anyone in Virginia help me?? We used what we thought to be a very good agency to help us through the adoption process. I guess I was wrong. Since last spring when we began our classes, there have been issues. One of the forms they had us sign made us agree not to work with any other agency. Well HMMM, that should have been a red flag. Now we have been approved only about 6 months but, during this time virtually nothing has happened. Our assigned worked doesnt ever remember who we are half the time. Since she isnt our original worker, I honestly dont think she has read our homestudy. We have send info about children and ask that our homestudy be forwarded, sometimes it doesnt! I feel we have been misled, ignored and frankly feel like we are an inconvenience to them. Im tired of being brushed off. I want an agency and a worker who will LISTEN to us, HELP us and GUIDE us through the ridiculous red tape. I have yet to have 1 positive experience with any VA agency. I have contacted everyone I can think of for help but, NOTHING. There has got to be at least one case worker in the entire state willing to help us. If youre out there, I need you :)
Sharon
I am also a single mom and have never felt as if I was not being chosen for that specific reason. There have been times when the child(ren) in question really want both a mom and a dad and I can totally understand why a worker would exhaust all possiblities before placing with a single parent.
I do agree however that not having parenting experience can be an issue. I also agree that finding ways to get some experience is a definite plus for anyone who is looking to adopt children who have been removed from sometimes horrid situations. An added way to obtain some experience would be to become involved as a respite provider. There is a need for that service and it would allow one to not only get experience with special needs children but allow one to test the water and get an idea of what type of child(ren) are in need of homes. I would add for each prospective family to talk to their school district and become familiar with policies and programs available as well as research what other services are available, such as psychological, wrap around, etc. I have found these issues to arise each time I have talked with a caseworker concerning the placement of a child(ren). I have to believe that while experience does count, that a worker who recognizes you have no children as yet but have taken the time to do the extra research will consider that an asset.
Unfortunately, I would feel safe in saying that most of the kids out there do in fact have very special issues due to where they have come from and how they were raised until this point in time.
They may not have psychiatric diagnoses, but their issues may well interfere with school and social interactions until they "learn" what they should have at a younger age.
I havent seen a lot of mention of disruptions on this site, but am sure that is a major concern for caseworkers placing children. Kids who are old enough to get a grasp on what is going on with them are able to understand that foster care is a temporary situation. Once placed in an adoptive home, they see that as permanent. If that placement disrupts for whatever reason, I am sure it feels to the child as though they have again lost their family. I believe there are many families out there who have had to disrupt the adoption based on not knowing what they were getting into when they agreed to take the child. I also am not sure unless you have experienced it everyone knows the toll it can take when you are not somewhat prepared for what lies ahead. It really is different when it is your bio child and you have from birth to whenever to grow with the issues or behaviors compared to bringing a child(ren) into your home who already have pretty intense issues. It can be overwhelming at times for even the most experienced parents. I would kind of compare it to soaking in a tub of hot water as it is a gradual process vs jumping into a tub of ice water and soaking until it reaches a comfortable temp.
Casworkers, especially on a county and state level, can sometimes get a really bad rap and I can say I have dealt with those that I thought were unprofessional and even uncaring but they are also very stuck in the middle of the whole process. I would feel fairly safe in saying that ultimately they are not the person who makes the final decision for these children. First, they have to work within their own agency guidelines and they have to answer to their supervisors, etc. Second, they are attempting to seek out the best placement for the child so that the childrens wants and needs are met as well as promote a permanent home. Third, it must be very frustrating for many of them when they read home study after study and cannot seem to come up with a match for the child in question. Other than the foster parents they are probably the people who know the children best. They may feel bad about rejecting a study/family but are not necessarily able to give specific reasons due to confidentiality. And, I am sure that any caseworker who genuinely cares about the future of their children feel just as frustrated at times with the system as we all do. Caseworkers dont make the rules but they do have to live the rules. Again each agency is different and each state is different in what they are seeking and requiring of potential adoptive parents. I believe the best approach just might be for all of us to research our own states for info regarding what it considers relevant for a adoptive placement and any requirement that seems unjust to the children and is keeping children from permanent homes, write to the elected officials. Also, while I am thinking of doing some research on this topic, I would assume that each state receives monetary federal assitance for providing for and placing these children. If the federal guidelines in your state are not being met and it is reported to those federal officials that also might make a difference in state policy. The threat of losing federal funds and the state needing to foot the entire bill on their own would probably light a fire under someone!
Dear Michelle and VA families,
My name is Cami Clavijo and I am the VA RRT through AdoptUsKids. Most adoption agencies, including local Departments of Social Services, will not provide families with a copy of their home study BUT you do have the right to review it. Its important that you verify that the information about you is accurate. If you havn't reviewed yours, please ask your case worker to show it to you even if you can't keep a copy of it.
As per the children, it is a good idea for you to contact the child's case worker and ask them if the child is available for adoption, if he/she can be adopted outside of their home state and the type of family that would benefit the child. Please keep in mind that the needs of each child are different and that determines in which type of family he/she would adapt better.
Please be patient and persistent, the same way you are inquiring about a specific child, many other families are doing it as well.
Changing agencies can delay your process even more. When you select an agency you are bound to it. If you make a change, your home study and training will not be transfered and the new agency will have to prepare a new one and re-train you; this means starting the process again.
Don't be discouraged, your child is waiting for you to find him/her!
I am a foster / adopt parent in Texas. I have been successful adopting children already in my home. However, when trying to adopt thru the general system I do NOT know ANYONE that has been successful. There always seems to be a hitch in the system. When inquiring about children on the internet, they are removed, only to be put back up months later. Inquiries are not addressed or answered. I see that the system had greatly failed the children waiting for adoption. What can be done to make sure our inquiries are addressed and answered? Any answers that you can give me will be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Barbara
We are hoping to adopt a little girl from Oregon -- and we live in Missouri! I would love to hear from someone who knows Oregon's system, as the social worker we're working with has not handled an out-of-state adoption before.
1) Are our legal expenses in Oregon covered by the state? (If we adopted here in Missouri, the state would cover most or all of our legal costs.)
2) Does the state cover any of the travel costs?
3) Anything else you can think of that I should know?
We want to make sure this process moves as smoothly as possible, and I'm trying to be proactive -- I know the social workers are overloaded.
Thanks! Lisa
My husband and I have an problem it seems like we are a buren to the agency we are going through(part of state).When we call they will not return calls and stop by the office they act like we are suppose to make an appointment. They never have said it was a problem before. This is the only way we can find the people. Yesterday we had a call about a child from another DFCS if we still interested in a certain child. We called our person to tell them to call the agency who called us. Our agency got upset with us and said they are working on others and they could not at this time.They would get to it the next day .We understand they are busy, but options like this do not come up very often.We did not know to get excited or not.
If these caseworkers would understand what we go through emotionally they may understand us more. They do not because they have not adopted or not been able to concieve. I think that needs to be a critea to be a caseworker for adoption.
MARYLAND-
My husband and I have been trying to adopt through the foster care system for 2.5 yrs and have inquired about hundreds of children, like many of you we either don't get a response OR after months they state the child is now longer available.
We understand the case workers are very busy, most of them are part time workers but who is advocating for these children?
I must say I have a wonderful caseworker, she is just as fustrated as we are.
We have finally decided not to pursue foster care adoption any longer, it is too emotionally draining after having dealt with fertility issues for years.
We asked our worker could we see or get a copy of our home study and the answer was NO, they stated they would let us know if there was something we should be concerned about. My thing is, if the purpose is to place children with families, what is the secret about seeing your home study? It's our life on paper... what are they hiding? I often wonder if they just want to approve you to foster but could care less if you adopt. Our home study is good enough for us to be foster parents but apparently not good enough to adopt.
In order for you to adopt you need "experienced" dealing with issues, TELL me how does a person who cant have children have experience raising children with issues? They don't even call for placement of foster children.
I wish social workers would give us (foster parents) as much confidence and support as they do the drug addicted/ neglectful and abusive parents, why are they given so many opportunities to get their children back? Do they check to see if their home meets agency approval? if they can handle "issues" with children etc. etc.
Grrrrr...
For the 2.5 years we have never heard about matching party taking place.
GOD BLESS THE CHILDREN!
Dear Anonymous in CT
I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time. Please call 1-888-200-4005 and ask to be connected with your CT RRT. We will be happy to assist you with getting started. Hope to hear from you soon.
Hi to the couple in Maryland,
My husband and I have been trying to fost adopt for awhile now, and also trying to adopt from out of state. Our resource worker did nothing to help us and we she finally did give us a copy of our homestudy their were so many errors I felt like she had never even listened to anything my husband, myself and our resource worker discussed through all our meetings. If Maryland will ot even let you see a copy of your homestudy find a new licensed private agency. It is not real costly if you are trying to adopt a child in the system whether from your state or not. Our resource worker would not even help us with children legally free in our own state of NJ. The new agency I have is wonderful and will not stop working with s until we have a child. I am so sorry I wasted as much time as I did being with DYFS. As you say your home is good enough for foster children but they will do nothing to help you adopt. I have heard so many same situations from other foster parent friends I truly wonder if these people care about the best interests of the children. My new agency I have the office number, cell phone numbers and even the home number of my worker in case I need to speak to them not during office hours. These 120,000 children across the US need homes and the system is failing them. I have only been with my new private agency for a short time but they have done more to help us then DYFS even came close to. My new agency couldn't believe how much info was missing from our homestudy and many errors there were. Our new agency commented on it appears our homestudy was nothing but an inconvenience to our first worker and that she just put anything together to get us off her back. I never wanted to stop fostering even after I adopted a legally free child but know unfortunately for the children I have no desire to be involved with DYFS. Best advice I can give you is find a private agency, even if you have to do alot over it will be worth it. Good luck to you, good luck to all of us who so want to give these children a loving forever home but have no support from the government agencies. God Bless
Maryland:
I agree with you. I have a suspicion that if we were only interested in fostering instead of adopting to give children a loving family and a permanent place to call home, our homes would be filled to capacity with children. The agencies seem to be looking for permanent foster, not permanent, homes for children. The rhetoric definitely does not match the practices.
I also agree that the parents are given an unlimited number of chances to get their children back and it usually takes them YEARS to get themselves together. In the meantime, the children bounce from home to home or they are removed from the only parent(s) they know after being in the foster home for years. Sadly, if we (foster or adoptive parents) advocate for these same children when the kids are shuffled around from home to home, we are treated badly by some in the system.
I have a difficult time restraining my outrage or holding my tongue when I see children's rights being trampled. I know many people who refuse to foster because they don't want the kids coming and going through their home like it's Grand Central Station.
I knew when I got into foster/adopt that there was a possibility that any children I fostered would go back to the parents - if the parents got themselves together. I was prepared for it and I accepted it. What I didn't anticipate is that many parents who see their children doing well and thriving in a foster home will manipulate the system to have the children removed from the home. I'm told that this kind of behavior is routine and the lumbering child welfare system is ripe for this type of abuse. Unfortunately, too many children are also moved for expediency's sake, not for the children's sake.
I also find it horrifying to read the blogs indicating that people have been waiting YEARS just to get a child placed in their homes! I thought the eight months I've been waiting was a long time.
I've already started my letter writing campaign. The TV and radio ads that we now routinely see and hear, respectively, across the country make the need for foster/adoption seem immediate, as if the process is fast and easy. HA! Those of us who want to help are required to fill out mountains of paperwork and to tolerate sometimes condescending questions about our ability to care for children; yet, we have to wait months, if not years, to have a child placed in our homes. I don't like how the child welfare system operates most of the time and I'm making every effort to help change it for the better. There has to be a way to make it efficient and effective. Char
To Duane and Lisa,
Have you been chosen as a potential match for this little girl in Oregon? If you do get to the point of being chosen to go in front of an adoption commitee you will be assigned an Oregon caseworker to represent you. If you are the chosen family you will be brought to Oregon, Oregon will pay for travel expenses etc., to meet the child and therapists, scholls etc. then you will go home and the childs caseworker will bring child to Missouri. My husband and I were chosen as potentail parents and brought in front of an adoption commitee we were not selected as this chikds family but we were treated very nicely by the caseworker respresenting us. Oregon is a nice state to work, good luck. Hope this helps.
Okay, after listening to all of your stories (thanks to everyone who replied to my post!), I'm thinking that I need to start exploring overseas adoption. So if anyone out here has had a positive experience with an adoption agency that facilitates overseas adoptions, could you please tell me the name of your agency? Also, for the one person who said that he/she had successfully adopted 3 (I believe) children here in the USA, if you have any tips, please feel free to tell me.
And thanks to the North Carolina representative who responded as well. I do appreciate it. But alas, I already figured out most of that (on my own, with little or no help from DSS -- I too have practically become a part-time or more social worker in order to figure out the system -- refering to the person who posted that above), and yes we are open to special needs kids (on the form we filled out to be registered we accepted more "needs" than we rejected). And, at any rate, this doesn't seem to be the problem. The problem lies elsewhere, as most of the folks on this blog have already pointed out.
So again, for those of you who've had success in Serbia or China or elsewhere overseas, if you could recommend an agency, or a good place to start, I'd apprecitate it.
I'm not giving up *yet* on the USA route, but I'll admit from my own experience with the system and from reading this blog, the prospects do seem kind of bleak!! :-(
Thanks!
Hi to the person considering overseas adoption, look into Ethiopia, supposedly the process is the shortest out there. I looked into it but the cost was too much, I would have to refinance my house and not quite ready to do that but they told me it would take 6 to 8 months travel time included and I would have a baby in my house. I can't find the paperwork and I don't remember the agency but they email me occasionally so keep watching and I will put the name of the agency on this blog. Good Luck and God Bless
Duane and Lisa
I am just about to finalize two boys from OR. I have found it a terrific state to work with. I will let you know what the process was in my case.
I was one of three potential resources for the boys. An independent advocate working for the state of OR called me twice or three times, one time being a two plus hour interview. She also provided me with the phone numbers of the foster parents and I was able to call and speak with them before the meeting also. It is my understanding that the foster parents were able to read all home studies and had input as far as who they thought would be a good match. It was she that then represented me at the committee meeting. After committe and being selected, I believe that was in mid April, the paperwork began, like adoption assitance, etc. TPR for my boys wasnt final yet so that had to be completed before the boys could leave the state of OR. It was the end of July when I went to OR to meet the boys. Of course all the work for ICPC had to be done prior to the move also which by all accounts went smoothly. OR paid only airfare up front. All other expenses, while reimbursable, were paid by me. I was there 5 days and by the last two days the boys were staying at the motel with me and we flew home together. After we returned home the boys belongings were shipped to their new home. The caseworker they had was no longer involved and the case was handed over to an adoption specialist. Also, OR has vendor attorneys that will handle the adoption in OR, no money out of pocket for this, and it is not necessary for you to be there for finalization. Personally I would have prefered to do in my home state so we could have had a type of ceremony but it was extremely important, though I am not sure why, for the older of the two boys to do it in OR and since it is a comfort thing for him when the adoption is final we are going to have a party. While I was told it would take 6 months to finalize, it has now been about 8 months but things are progressing. I think the holdup is simply that OR is a little behind in the paperwork. I was contacted by the attorney handling things recently and just the other day received an invitation to attend by phone a Committe Review Board Meeting, which I understand is simply to review what info they now have and approve the finalization. I am hoping it will all be done no later than the end of May.
Everyone I have dealt with in OR have been professional, compassionate and friendly as well as efficient. I am very pleased with the way things have gone with OR even if it took a couple of months longer than I had expected. I dont know that they ever promised me it would be six months, I think since that is the waiting time in OR I just assumed it was.
I cant tell you for sure that this is the way it works with every child in OR but only that this was the process for me. Oddly, the waiting does not seem to be an issue once you have the kids home with you. For me the worst was waiting to find out if I was selected and it happened that the advocate for me called me immediately after the meeting and congratulated me so I knew that day. Oh one thing I forgot. If I recall correctly there was a month that went by before the boys were told, that evidentally is a waiting type period so that if I in fact changed my mind it did not effect the children negatively. It was after that month that the boys were told, given the life books I sent and I began calling them on a regular basis as well as sending the older of the two boys some info about the area he would be coming to, etc.
A problem that you dont have, at least I dont think you do, is I live on the east coast so the time difference was a little boggling as far as touching base with caseworkers, etc but that was resolved by using emails whenever possible. And adoption assistance payments began in a very timely manner also.
Great state - I really have no complaints at all. Good luck and if you are selected I know the going will be smooth for you and yours.
To the "Anonymous" responder to Duane and Lisa:
We have been chosen as one of the families whose home studies are going in front of the adoption committee. I have had numerous positive conversations with the Oregon social worker. We have been given the psych report and the child summary prepared by her social worker. I am encouraged and excited, but I know that the decision isn't final yet. We want her in the home that is best for her, and pray daily that God will provide that for her, whether it's us or another family.
Do you know whether your legal costs would have been covered for the adoption had you been chosen as the child's adoptive placement?
Thank you for your encouraging words. We will be praying that you will find the child waiting for you soon...Lisa
Overseas adoption can be costly. My brother and his wife adopted two kids fom Ukraine almost 15 years ago, and they spent about $30,000. There is often a lot of graft that goes on when you try to adopt a child from a thired world country.
When going to Ukraine, my sister-in-law was told to bring with them perfume, chocolate, bottles of wine, and t-shits with Ameican logos printed on them (Pepsi, sport teams, etc). She had to give some of these items to secretaries, clerks and others so they would process their adoption paper work. One notary public clerk there in Ukraine wouldn't stamp my sister-in-law paper work until she give him a bottle of wine, even after paying his customary fee.
I think I will stay close to home.
It is so sad for the children. My husband and I haven't even gone for classes, because it seems a waste of time after talking to a Pennsylvania state adoption agency. They want to give you the child of their choice. They won't go out of state because it is too much trouble. They said they would only prefer to do SWAN foster to adopt(which I know would not be right for us.)They even went so far as to say we may not even get a picture or profile of the child we would receive. I'm sorry, but that is ridiculous. My husband and I are well off with 2 biological children. We have the room in our home and hearts for more. Possibly even a hard to place sibling group. But we don't have the time for these crazy games. I definitely see why everyone I've known to adopt has done international adoption. It's actually easier. We basically gave up, but I feel so guilty, because we could have changed the lives of a few children who just need the love of people who care. I haven't seen any of that love in the system so far. Maybe unpaid volunteers, who aren't there just for the money, would do a better job. These workers were obviously not in the same shoes as the children growing up. Hope things turn around some day soon!
Hi to the couple in Oregon waiting to finalize their adoption!
Firstly, Congratulations! Secondly, Thanks so much for posting a positive experience! I am a bio-mom to 4 and we are adopting 2 children that started out in foster care. I know many people have said they would not like to foster first but I have to say it has been a wonderful experience for us. We are adopting the first two boys who we were blessed to foster. We have since fostered two other little guys and I have to say it was the most difficult thing I have ever done putting them into the car that was going to take them back to bio-mom. However, I feel blessed that we were able to have an impact on the children's lives even if it wasn't for the long term. Anyway, I am new to this site and after reading all the horrible experiences people have had, I wondered if this was the website for us. I am thankful to read your post. Again, Congratulations! and God Bless you and your family. Jenna
Hi my name is Olga and I’m the Recruitment Response Team for IL.
At this time, I’m sorry for the frustration you’re having with this process. IL does have children that are waiting to be adopted. Our children start at the age of eight years old or older. I want to assist you with matching with a child. I can better assist you if you contact AdoptUSkids.
If you call AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005 or complete the request to be contacted by an adoption advocate form on AdoptUsKids.org, then we will receive your contact information and contact you within three business days.
Hello, my husband and I are from RI and have had our homestudy registered at the adoption agency since June of 07. We have inquired on many children ages 6-12yrs. but not one response. We are particularly interested in one boy who is 10 and has been in the system for a while. We have inquired about him several times but no response from our caseworker at DCYF. We try contacting the adoption agency and they can not give us any information either. We are very frustrated and wonder if we should adopt through a private agency.
I live in Massachacusetts and i want to adopt an African American Teenage Girl. I have tried in our state and there is not any that match our family.
I have seen other girls posted on line such as adopt us kids and my social worker doesnt want to fax out my homestudy. She says she is too busy. I have faxed out the copy that I have and some state agencys refuse them because they are not from my social worker directly.
I am discouraged my social worker says there is too much involved with adoptiong from another state.
I have spoken to ohter social workers and they react the same way too much work involved is my answer.
I have been trying for 3 years now I am just about ready to throw in a towel.
I do not understand they beg African American Families to consider adoption and when I did nothing happens.
I am working with the massachusetts department of social services.
Why is so difficult to adopt a child from another state?
I have tried to adopt an African American Teenage Daughter for a few years to no avail.
I have tried with this site. My social worker does not like to fax out my Home Study so I have copies andt the case workers do not like the Home Study coming direclty from me.
Most of the social workers that i have spoken to in regards to this matter sigh when I mention out of state. They say it is too much of a hassle and paper work.
I am working with my state agency in Massachusetts.
I am really frustrated with the process and ready to throw in the towel.
Hello all.
My legal fees in OR are all covered by OR because my son chose to have his adoption finalized in that state. They have what they call "vendor" attorneys that accept payment directly from the state. I have not been asked to pay anything to this point for the legal fees. I do know that OR has a limit on reimbursable fees for legal but forget what that amount is. I contacted one of the boys foster parents who have adopted in OR themselves and asked them which attorney they had used as OR sent me a list of vendor attorneys. I feel that they all are probably fine to deal with but felt a little more comfortable having a bit of a reference. Odd but I think the legal paperwork for adoption is probably fairly standard but it is such an important issue to me that I just needed to feel sure that I was dealing with someone who could get it done. On the downside, I personally wish we were doing it here in PA so that we could have a little ceremony, but it is extremely important to my son that it be done in OR so I am honoring that and we will have a celebration of our own kind here at home His wisdom has let me know that it really doesnt matter where the papers are signed or what judge does it as long as he is now my son. So, guess that says it all.
Chame (aka anon in PA!! )
If you want to adopt from another state a friend of myine just adopted a daughter from TX. they have a very good experince with this adoption. They tried with other states with bad experince. They now have a pretty, happy, 12 y/o daugther.
Hi Trina:
I'm having the same problem. I'm African American and every time I go to a foster/adopt event or lecture, someone invariably says, "I wish more African Americans would adopt," which is infuriating because I'm African American and I'm interested in adopting a sibling group of at least two. I've been signed up to foster/adopt since Oct '06, but I've only had one sibling group placed with me and they weren't available for adoption. These children were placed in another foster home last year. I've been waiting for almost nine months for another sibling group to be placed with me. Char
Wow, reading back through the posts after my original, the problem is far bigger than San Diego County and California. As the system uses Federal and State money and in California's case administered by the County, where do we start to reform the system? I would like to contribute my efforts to this,
I've met before with the staff of my state representative with no response after the first meeting. Politicians don't seem to be interested in the plight of these kids.
I believe that they think they can repeat their mantras and say they are doing everything they can but there are such HUGE caseloads. Well, here's an idea, PLACE THESE KIDS AND THE CASELOADS WILL BE REDUCED!
It's going to take a high profile person to pick up the mantle and an organization to define and continue the battle. (Isn't it amazing that none of our major political races ever mention this issue.)
Any attempts to reform the system will be met by a hysterical gnashing of teeth by the social workers unions. As our Governor clumsily learned, you don't cross public employee unions.
Personally, I don't believe you can reform a government agency on any level. The best solution to the problem is to turn the system to charitable and nonprofit agencies. The amount of funding already being spent on the public agencies would go much further in servicing the kids and the waiting families.
Anyone with any ideas? Maybe the energy from this discussion can be unified and make something happen.
DfCS policy allows the agency to provide to the family, upon request, a copy of the home study with the 3rd party information (references) omitted. Each private agency has their own policy re: this matter and the client would need to discuss with the agency. I would advise any family to maintain a copy of all the information they provide to DfCS, such as medicals, questionnaires, other verifications, etc.
Morella Atkinson
Adopt US Kids, RRT
Georgia
To the Family inquiring about the state of GA's procedures on sharing homestudies w/ other agencies:
DfCS policy allows the agency to provide to the family, upon request, a copy of the home study with the 3rd party information (references) omitted. Each private agency has their own policy re: this matter and the client would need to discuss with the agency. I would advise any family to maintain a copy of all the information they provide to DfCS, such as medicals, questionnaires, other verifications, etc.
If you call AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005 or complete the request to be contacted by an adoption advocate form on AdoptUsKids.org, then we will receive your contact information and contact you within three business days.
Morella Atkinson
Georgia RRT
To the family from GA approved to adopt...
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time getting anywhere with your agency. There are many children in GA who need permanent homes, but unfortunately it is not always as easy as one expects to get through the process. If you are not getting the response you want from the agency that you are currently working with, I suggest that you locate an agency to help you find a child. Some of these agencies have contracts with the state to help families adopt "special needs" children, or foster children. I hope this information helps. If you have any other questions you can call AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005 or complete the request to be contacted by an adoption advocate form on AdoptUsKids.org, then we will receive your contact information and contact you within three business days.
Morella Atkinson,
Georgia RRT
Hi Chame:
I sent my email addy last month, but it didn't go through this blog and I'm glad because, after I sent it, I realized that I didn't want everyone in America to have my email addy. Anyway, I'm trying to contact Kate so that I can either get your email addy or you can get mine.
So far, I started an email/letter writing campaign. I sent email to Oprah, at least five governors and five mayors. Initally, I had planned to send to every governor, every senator and every mayor in the country, but it proved to be too much. I decided to focus on PA first, so I sent email to Governor Rendell and Estelle Richman (the PA Sec'y of Public Welfare). I also sent email to at least five PA mayors today and I'm going to send the rest this week. I will also send to the two senators who represent our state. There are probably local Departments of Human Services in every city and I plan to find out who is in charge there and to send email or letters to each one as well. It's a lot, but it's a good place to start. I don't want to waste any more time complaining; instead, I'm taking direct action by making a stink that I plan to fan across not only PA but also the country until something meaningful is done to solve the problem of American children languishing in foster care when many of us are ready and willing to adopt them. I'm determined to help change the system for the better.
For those of you interested in doing something similar in your state, get contact info on your governor, mayors in your entire state, and senators as well as the equivalent of our sec'y of Public Welfare. Char
Hi Char
I did the same thing and included my email addy on a blog and feel the same as you, glad it didnt go thru!!!! Its not that I am not willing to correspond with people, just wonder who might be out there that I wouldnt want to have my addy. Glad we finally connected.
I am of the opinion that each of us should forward a letter of our own experiences to elected officials. I think a letter from one individual might be easily ignored and fall on deaf ears. I truly believe that if elected officials started receiving letter after letter concerning this issue and can read that each of us are experiencing many of the same issues and treatment, it would be more difficult to ignore.
While I plan on contacting elected officials on the federal level also, I do agree that the state is where we need to start. It is the state budget that allocates the funds for these agencies and programs and I would hope that the state would like to know what they are budgeting is being used for the purpose intended.
I hate to say it, but as a society in whole, we just dont value our children. It seems our government would rather sit back and support adults in jail or on the welfare roles before they would support the very system that could keep these children from becoming offenders or in the welfare system. The children in the system now are perhaps there because the government hasnt provided for or taken an interest in them as children. If years ago there was more funding for such things as education and more resources for parents in need of assistance for their own personal issues, maybe there would not be so many kids in the system now. There is a cycle of abuse and neglect right now because no one was wise enough or bright enough to do something about it years ago.
I become very angry and frustrated when I watch shows like American Idol Gives Back. I am all for assiting the needy in any way possible, but why does it take American Idol to provide kids with books, or clothes or medical care? When the politicians respond to this and thank everyone for giving, I just want to shout and ask why the government isnt able to provide these services. Why should there be children in the US that are hungry and neglected? I can see no reason for it except that the government has "better" things to do with their money, like fatten their own purses and enlighten their own causes. I watch shows like Animal Police and it makes me wonder when New York gives animal control people full police power, why we dont offer the same for our children? Maybe had that power been available there would be more children who were "saved" by the system instead of left to suffer abuse, neglect and in many cases, sadly, death at the hands of parents.
I think about a recent case in DC where social workers tried to gain access to a home but were denied by the mother and later the children were found dead. Those children suffered horribly over months in all and it seems like nothing was done. It is easy to blame the caseworkers and even fire them, but they can only do what the system allows them to do. Red tape? Maybe someone needs to look at the process and consider the rights of these children and eliminate the red tape! We dont want to trample on the rights of the parents but should the children suffer for the parents sins? These children are our future and we need to invest in them.
There are many, many families out there that arent wealthy and dont have college degrees. Maybe they arent able to put a pool in the backyard or take the kids to Disney every summer for vacation but I dont think that is what is the most important factor in raising children. It is the love and committment of a parent, the support of a family that makes these children productive members of society, not wealth or material goods. Morals, values, religion - they all play a major role in the raising of children.
I dont know if I have said this previously or not, but I think we need to quit putting all the blame on the caseworkers. It is not an easy job they have to see the horrors they see and I am sure they become frustrated themselves with the system. I have had my share of bad experiences with caseworkers who have negative attitudes, have been rude and/or non-responsive to requests. Still, they are required to work in the system and required to meet the regs of their departments. I would only venture to guess that any "rouges" out there wouldnt have a job for very long! I wonder sometimes instead of bashing them, they might not end up being a valuable resource as far as eventually changing the system? These caseworkers are on the inside, they know the system better than anyone. It is not the individual childs worker that necessarily makes the decisions but goes on to supervisors, committees or another department. It is not the individual agencies contracted by some states that make the decisions. They simply forward information to the county level and it is out of their hands at that point.
I agree with Char that instead of complaining it is better to channel the energy into making positive changes in the system and as a united group of interested, concerned people, that can be done. It might not happen right away, but it will happen. It has too!!
I also agree that it is going to take some high profile individuals to bring attention to this whole situation. While not funny, I thought the other day how nice it would be if I was able to reach someone like Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Madonna, etc - individuals who have adopted and realize the importance of it. If any one of them would start raising questions about the system on a national level I am darn sure that someone would be listening.
I would suggest that if you write letters that you also include a request for whoever you are corresponding with to go to this blog site and let them read for themselves the responses and concerns.
So now that I have that all out of my system for at least the next hour or so, I am pleading with all of you to write the letters and make the calls. Organize in your state or community. Even if nothing results from your letters or inquiries, at least you will know in your heart that you tried to make a difference.
Chmae
-Maryland-
Thanks Kate for the site:
I see most of us are in the same situation, trying to adopt but not being able too.
The topic suggest "adoption professionals are listening" but are they actually helping families adopt? I've posted and didn't get a response...
I don't see a solution/answer to anyone's problem or fustration.
If writing letters to "oprah" Dr. phil, every senator, governor etc in the U.S.A would help, can we have a list of contacts posted on this website and possibly a "general" letter someone can print and send to them?
Lets begin a "march in washington D.C."
Even though we are not pursuing foster care any longer, I will continue to fight for the children.
Lets accomplish something :)
Hello Barbara,
Thank you for your interest in adoption! My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with AdoptUsKids. I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble using websites, but I’m glad that you told us so that we can help.
I’d like to suggest some tips to figure out what specific problem you are encountering. If any tip doesn’t solve the problem, please post on the blog again and let me know. We want to help. (Or, if it is easier for you, you can call me at 1-888-200-4005 or email me at info@adoptuskids.org).
Are you starting by logging into www.adoptuskids.org? If you are not logging in, then you might be following our website to a different, Texas-only website called TARE though a button on Texas children’s photolistings. TARE has its own online inquiry system.
If you are logging into www.adoptuskids.org, this is what you should be doing next:
Find the child’s photolisting
Select “Add to My List”
Select “Make Inquiry”
When you return to AdoptUsKids.org later, log in to the website again, and choose the “responses to my inquiries” link.
It is very important to log in to see responses because that is the only way to see them. Sometimes, families find that case workers were actually sending responses through the website and waiting for the families to read the responses. If you have any questions about how to see case workers’ responses, or if you are having any trouble logging in, please post on the blog, call me or email me so that I can assist you with this.
If this didn’t answer all of your questions, please let me know. As you can see on our blog, many families have the same questions and frustrations. We’re so glad that you asked about it!
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
Hello. Thank you for your interest in adoption! My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with AdoptUsKids. I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble using AdoptUsKids.org, but I’m glad that you told us so that we can help. No, the children’s photolistings on AdoptUsKids.org are not placed on our website only to promote the idea of adopting. The children’s pictures and introductory narratives are placed on the website so that case workers for children can find families for the children. We want to make sure that any children who have already found their families cannot be seen on AdoptUsKids.org because we understand that you are using the website to help you to find the child you will adopt.
You mentioned that you saw children on AdoptUsKids.org who had already been placed. Did the case worker say that on the phone or in an email? If they did, do you still have the case number for that child? If that ever happens, please feel free to post this on the blog or call me at 1-888-200-4005 or email me at info@adoptuskids.org with the child’s case number so that AdoptUsKids can contact the case worker and ask that they remove the child’s photolisting from view. The photolistings need to be accurate.
If the case worker did not say that the child had been placed while you were talking on the phone or in an email, then where did you receive the information? Or did you just notice that the child’s status had changed from “active” to “hold” that day? “Hold” is not the same thing as matched with a family. If you have any questions about this, you can let me know in another post on the blog, or you can email or call me.
Also, have you logged in to www.adoptuskids.org to see responses from the children’s workers? It is very important to log in to see responses. Case workers may actually be waiting for you to respond. If you have any questions about how to see case workers’ responses, or if you are having any trouble logging in, please call or email me so that I can assist you with this.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
Good Afternoon. I am responding for Daryl Bender. Your message seemed to have two concerns. The first was about the content of your home study, and how to contact a resource point person. Each resource unit in a Local Office has a Resource Supervisor, and there are Resource Point People assigned for a group of Local Offices. If you had provided your name and address, or the Local Office that studied your home, I would be able to provide you with the correct name or forward your concerns to that person. In lieu of knowing this, my other suggestion would be for you to contact the Local Office and ask to speak to the Resource Supervisor. There is a chain of command in each office. The Resource Supervisor reports to a Casework Supervisor, and the Casework Supervisor reports to the Local Office Manager. The Resource Point People are not in direct line within the chain of command, but they are there to assist with problems that are brought to their attention. Your second concern is about having your dogs. NJ does not have a problem with families having dogs in general. Our concerns are the dogs' temperaments, and whether they are up to date with shots. In individual cases, other concerns would be whether a particular child is allergic, afraid, or might tease or abuse a dog or another pet. As a dog (and animal) lover, myself, I agree that dogs do bring joy and laughter into a home, and are often therapeutic to their owners and children. However, I can not speak for the rules/regulations in other states or agencies. I think it is unfortunate if families are not being considered simply because they have pets or specifically dogs. I hope this information is helpful to you.
Peggy Stofik
NJ Adoption Exchange Supervisor
Do you have to have parenting experience to adopt?
Prospective parents can foster or adopt whether they have experience parenting or not. Having a child or being unable to have children does not affect your eligibility to become a foster or adoptive parent.
I am from Pennsylvania, the Hershey area and I was looking at a sibling group that was in Chambersburg.These children had come into placement in January of this year.In speaking to the worker they were looking for a family that fit my families general desription.I got excited although my study was not complete.THEN a family member stepped up.......
On the site in late May the children were up again...my excitement grew and I contacted the worker,she remembered me.They were still available,suddenly they decided to give the children to the respite work.
I cannot understand why the county agencies would do this.I understand that there is a history,but to not even look at other familes,especially since they knew since January to me is wrong!!! The respite family only now made the decision when I made my wants know back in JANUARY.
I would LOVE for someone from Pennsylvania to answer this one!!
Responding to Judith - NY RRT - Well, we are still licensed in NY we have not closed our home and indeed updated our caseworker when we applied to adopt our son. Yet - the phone doesn't ring! I call every so often to inquire... and still NO NY Children. I did get a call from an adoption agency who had a recently adopted child (from overseas) whose parent had an issue and needed to place the child... but STILL no NY child...
No calls, no info and our renewal/recert should be up in June.. honestly, if there are 1000 children waiting for families... why isn't anyone calling us?
We will probably close our license rather than renew.. simply because in all these years.. the calls simply have NOT COME!
After reading all the blogs for the last month, I am beginning to realise that adoption is only for a select few. There are loopholes to the process that we are not privy to, and although I hate to say it, I think there is some political reasons for this. Based on our homestudy(big secret) and our SW, we are told we have a perfect situation(no money problems, foster care license,plenty of time,farm,parented kids,adopted one as an infant,etc.)we cannot get a child.On the adoptuskids website, we are "matched" with hundreds of kids. Originally, we wanted to adopt from Haiti, but we decided to adopt from the foster care program. Big mistake, we would be parenting a child from Haiti by now.
I will try postinf again since my last post did not make it online.I live in Pennsylvania and had adopted 4 children in the past.My husband and I recently re opened our case to adopt again.back in Decemeber-January I located a sibling group here in Pa.I contacted the agency to express my interest.My paperwork was not completed but the worker knew we were interested.A family member came forth and the children were no longer available.
Jump ahead to May,I had to leave my past agency to go to another agency who is STILL working on my paperwork.I look on the website and AGAIN there are the children.I again contact the worker,let her know I am still interested and she lets me know she is excepting home studies still.
Weeks past and I am still in contact with the worker but now she tells me that the respite family is taking the children.
After months of me trying to get these children without even viewing my homestudy they chose this family.I was interested in these children way back in December when the respite family apparently was not.I do not understand how the counties can do this,although I do understand they have a history with them I feel this is unfair to my gamily and all others who may have been interested in these children.
Please someone from PA advise.
Thank you
Maryland
This is a great website I thought many of us could use...
"join FosterClub and the Kids Are Waiting campaign and show their support for federal legislation that would help children in foster care leave the system and kinship caregivers access resources. Use an easy online form, and we will be sure that policy makers in Washington DC get your message."
I am Tracy from the MA Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE). We are the AdoptUsKids Recruitment Response Team for MA. In response to Trina's post about adopting an African American teenage girl: Thank you for sticking with this process and please don't get discouraged! There are certainly many African American teenage girls, both in MA and other states, who are in need of families. If you do not feel that your social worker is being supportive of you and your efforts to assist in finding a child for you, I would encourage you to first request a meeting with the social worker and her supervisor to talk about expectations and clear up any misinformation (what is the social worker doing to identify a child for you? How often should you and your social worker be in contact? Why is the social worker not able/willing to send your homestudy out of state?). If you would like to talk directly about this situation with me, please contact AdoptUsKids and they will give you my contact info. Thank you for your diligence in looking to provide a loving home for a child who is waiting!
To Hershey Area, PA
I dont know that anyone can answer your questions concerning PA as each county has different rules and regulations. There could be so many reasons why the children were not placed with you and with the respite providers. Whether true or not, I am not sure, but I have "heard" that there are counties in PA that dont even look at or consider home studies until they have a certain number of them in hand. I have also "heard" that even if a foster family is applying to adopt a child(ren) and the county is relatively sure that is who they will go with, they still require home studies to be submitted so as to look at all the possibilites. I think perhaps this is due to legalities such as exhausting all resources to find the best possible fit for the child. It may just be that the caseworker knew the children were happy and comfortable with the respite providers and felt it would be the least stressful change for the children involved.
I think those of us who know the system, not just here in PA but all over, have realized it is nearly impossible to figure out the system and to dwell on it really counterproductive.
There have been many children here in PA as well as other states that I have been very interested in and in my mind thought I was a good choice but for some reason was not chosen. I have learned to supress my excitement and not get my hopes up at too early a stage. Then again, maybe rejection is just becoming the "norm" when it comes to the majority of the children for which I have inquired. In the end, I always remind myself that what is meant to be will happen at some point in time and maybe when least expecting it. Also, I haved learned NOT to take anything personally!!
I have noticed that sib groups, girls, mild issues and younger ages seem to be the most sought after types of children. I think those of you who are waiting for that type of child may, unfortunately, have a long wait. There is nothing wrong with waiting for what you want and what you think you can deal with, but I think one needs to understand that these are the most sought after children, thus the children who end up with the most attention as well as the most home studies.
I often think that people feel that the younger the child the easier it will be or the fewer issues there will be but that is not necessarily true. I have a son age 4 who was deemed "normal" and two sons who have different diagnoses. I wasnt quite prepared for the fact that the 4 yr old has issues much more severe and challenging than the other two.
I would just like to suggest to everyone that they consider their preferences and maybe branch out a little from there. If you receive a profile on a child that you dont think will be a good fit, you can always say "no".
In the meantime, would like to let everyone know that we are in the final leg of the OR adoption. I received the petition in the mail the other day, had it notarized and sent it back so it should just be a matter of getting a court date! I will keep everyone posted. Also, please keep in mind, as I am sure there are people out there thinking I cant even get one and she has three, I have been in this process for several years now and just finalizing. It hasnt been a smooth and quick process for me but finally has come together! Hang in there!!
Chmae
Believe me, as an adoptive parent who was more than once in your shoes, I know how frustrating it can be! As I've posted before, it is important to be sure that the child you are interested in adopting is representative of the foster children who are waiting. For example, anyone interested in adopting a healthy toddler is bound to be disappointed because s/he is very unlikely to become available. Keep in mind that in NY more than 90% of the foster children who are adopted, are adopted by their foster parents--and that's a good thing! That's one more child who doesn't have to endure another move and broken connections.
Remember too that the commitment is to find parents for children, not children for those of us who want to be parents. Naturally, mutual needs are met when parents and children come together, but a child needs only one or two parents for life, and sad as it is if we aren't the ones getting the call, adoption is about meeting the needs of a waiting child.
That said, there absolutely are many, many children needing a parent just like you! Even though we haven't met, I can tell that you have the motivation and persistence that can make a huge difference in a child's life. Please do hang in there.
Just like parenting, being a prospective adoptive parent is NOT a passive role. Would-be adoptive parents must be fully involved every step of the way. Nobody, not even the most dedicated caseworker, has as much at stake as you do. Sometimes prospective parents say, "My worker isn't doing anything (or enough). I have to find the child, make the calls, etc." Whether the caseworker is active or inactive, it is YOUR family. Why would a prospective parent leave something that important up to someone else?
I would love to speak with you. Please do call AdoptUsKids at 888-200-4005 (toll free), and we'll be able to get in touch. As I continue to say, there IS a child waiting for you, and when you find each other, you'll know the wait was worth it.
Judith Ashton, New York RRT (all counties except New York City)
I think a caseworker needs to go through what we do when we are trying to adopt. It is very emotional and tired some.If they went through we do, then the caseworkers would be a little bit more respectful and compastate(sp wrong. Some days/weeks when we do not hear anything we feel like what is the use of us trying. I think it should be a requirement to have their jobs.
I was wondering if you can have the Kansas RRT person answer this question?
I recently inquired about a nine year old child from that and I can't tell from child's narrtive on the adoptsuskids web site that the kid has any "special needs". I am wondeing if this child will be eligible for an adoption sudidy and a monthy maitenance payment after the adoption is completed.
The person from the agency that is faciliting the adoption recuting doesn't know the answer.
Hi everyone:
We can also write to Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, and Rosie O'Donnell who all adopted children in this country, but who probably had a less difficult time because of their celebrity.
I've finished writing to 26 mayors in PA. Now, I'm focusing on the children and youth centers in each county in the state. I have a list that I got from a meet & match event I attended at Penn State in January. Email/letter writing is a small start, but it's a start. I also think that someone in this bunch of people will take this issue seriously, especially if they're politicians running for election this year or in a few years.
Also, to the other person from PA who was looking at a sibling group in Chambersburg. I think we saw and asked about the same children around the same time. I was not considered either. I also don't get the impression that all of us are only looking at infants or young toddlers. The kids who are now aging out of the systerm were infants and toddlers once too and look at them now.... They're still in the system and they won't get out of it until they turn 18 and have been made to feel unwanted, unwelcomed, and unloved for all these years.
Finally, when I went to an orientation given by my agency in October '06, the speaker was very clear when she said, "The kids who come to us are dirty," meaning they have problems - some minor, some major. While I expect that the children will have problems (and now I know why they have problems), I know what I can and cannot handle. And as some of you have said, the social workers don't seem to be reading the mountains of paperwork they have us fill out; instead, they seem to be trying to give us children they want us to have instead of making a decent match for everyone involved. Char
Dear Duane and Lisa that posted a blog on April 12, 2008 12:15 AM
The “Interstate Compact on Adoption and Medical Assistance” (ICEMA) and “Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children” (ICPC) consists of members from all 50 states, assures the continued provision of all of the benefits of an adoption subsidy agreement regardless of the state of residence of the child. ICPC provides the sending agency (Oregon) the opportunity to obtain home studies in the receiving state prior to placement of the child. The prospective receiving state (Missouri) ensures that the placement is not “contrary to the best interests of the child” and that all applicable laws and policies followed before it approves the placement. ICPC guarantees the child’s legal and financial protection once the child moves to the receiving state. The sending agency receives the opportunity to obtain supervision and regular reports on the child’s adjustment and progress in the placement. Sometimes the qualifying approval or disapproval from ICPC can take some time. Even though ICPC can be a prolonged process, adopting outside the state is just as rewarding as adopting within.
Missouri and Federal Tax Credit are available for parents to receive payment or reimbursement for certain nonrecurring adoption expenses directly related to the finalization of an adoption. Such expenses are limited to legal costs associated with adoption proceedings, agency fees and supervisory costs prior to finalization, and transportation, food, and lodging expenses necessary to affect the adoptive placement. Families must apply during adoption subsidy application, negotiation, and approval processes.
I understand all of this that is being spoken to Hershey Pa, and the worker is still great for allowing my late homestudy for this sibling group,however this is the first I had heard of this respite family.I never heard of them back in December when the children were first placed.
It never matters to me when I try to get a child and hear the child has been placed,in fact ALL 4 I adopted were from adoption disruptions.
I have found that there are lots of adoptions that do not finalize.
I have always adopted children under 5 years old.
All my children now have learning/behavior concerns.They are now 14,11,11 and 9.
They are great children and we are in it for the long haul and would not change them for anything in this world.
Hi, my name is Bernie and I am the Rhode Island representative for the AdoptUSKids Recruitment Response Team. I am sorry for your frustration and as an adoptive parent completly understand it. I ask that you give me a chance to help you through this process before considering a private agency. We do have many children in your age range that would benefit from being in a supportive, loving, forever home. In order to provide you with assistance I do need more information. It would be very helpful if I could pull your homestudy and go through it to be sure that there is nothing that is holding you back. Also could you give me the first name of the ten year old child that you are talking about so I may contact the DCYF social worker and find out his statis? Who is your DCYF caseworker? I look forward to the opportunity of helping you through this process.
I have read some of these post and I am concerned.I am the mother from Hershey/ Hummelstown Pa who had adopted before and was passed over by the siblings in Chambersburg. All 4 of my previous adoptions NEVER took over 5 months to locate a child.My first took about 3 months for a match,the second about 3 and the third 2 months.All my children came from failed adoptions and in all cases the boys were 2 years and old the girls were 4.
I would prefer a younger child but if I see a 15,16 or older child that would fit my family I will certainly inquire.
Why is it taking so long now? Sox months and up when there are so many children?
Thank you for your interest in adopting! Child narratives are supposed to be introductory information only. They are snapshots to introduce you to the child. They may not necessarily discuss a child’s special needs. I’m sorry to hear that you are having trouble reaching someone who really has good answers to your excellent questions about meeting a child’s needs, but I’m glad that you told us what is going on so that we can help.
Have you completed an adoptive homestudy, plus the classes required to be approved to adopt, and then registered with AdoptUsKids.org? (Registering and using the AdoptUsKids.org inquiry tools is the best way to reach the person who is most knowledgeable about the child.) Or did you only call someone whose contact information was listed in the child narrative?
Also, do you still have the case number for the child? If I have that, then I can post tips on the blog about making sure that you have used AdoptUsKids.org to contact the most knowledgeable person.
If you prefer, you can call me at 1-888-200-4005 x24 and talk to me directly.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
for the march 28 annon. post. no need to be insulted if you are not one. they are out there.
From Duane and Lisa:
Thanks so much to those of you who have posted such helpful and specific responses to my questions on adopting from Oregon to Missouri.
After hearing some of the frustrating stories of so many of you, I just want to toot the horn of our adoption "agency" -- we have been blessed with great training and support from these folks! If you're anywhere in Missouri, consider calling the Missouri Baptist Children's Home. They provided all of our training and have been very helpful and prompt in completing our home study, responding to inquiries, and advocating for us. They see this as their mission, and it show up in their work.
We'll continue praying for you all, and hope to hear more experiences specific to adopting from Oregon as we continue to pursue this precious girl.
Duane and Lisa
Hi Char, Everyone
Glad to hear you are keeping up the campaign. I have started a chain to get people who have adopted, who are attempting to adopt, or who for some reason gave up during the process to write to elected officials. There is no reason that the same letter cannot be sent to many different individuals. I would suggest that everyone out there do the same.
I cannot believe that at an orientation someone in the field called these children "dirty". What a horrid thing to say. I can understand using the word "scarred" or "with issues" or even with "baggage" but dirty!!! Shame on that person!! So many of these kids carry life long labels as it is when many times the labelled behavior is relatively normal for any child of a certain age to but add unnecessary negative connotations seems completely unprofessional.
I wonder at times if the workers in the field become desensitised and dont realize the impact that one wrong choice of words can have. I was interested in a child and was at the top of the list but the worker decided that my "expectations" for the child were unrealistic. This little guy was in the Autistic Spectrum Disorder and had some minor physical limitations. I talked to her about similar clients I had worked with that were able to do things like board games and basketball and she snapped back at me that he would never be able to do those things. From that point on she closed her mind to me and wouldnt consider the fact that I didnt necessarily mean that he would be Kobe Bryant or a chess master, what I was refering to was that if bouncing the ball in the driveway 4-5 times was his concept of basketball then he was playing basketball. A child I had worked with for several years liked to play checkers and while he had no idea what the game really entailed, he had his individual way of playing and as far as I am concerned, he plays checkers! A friend of mine who adopted a severe little boy was told by a caseworker that he didnt function far above the level of an animal! Can you imagine? And, 5 years later he is exceeding all expectations of the professionals because his parents push him to do whatever he can! What a sad state of affairs that we in general are not more positive - maybe some of that would rub off in the system!
Again, there are many reasons I have heard that explain why families are chosen and why they are not. Someone on this site mentioned the huge amount of disruptions and I am sure that is one reason caseworkers try to make the best match possible. Imagine the impact on the child to think they have found a forever home only to be moved again in a few months! I recall a situation where the children were placed in their own local area and studies coming from any distance away werent being considered because these children had bio family connections that were to be maintained after placement. Another case I know of is a family that the deciding factor in placement was the family's close proximity to the therapists, etc that the child was already involved with thus able to keep things a little more stable. I know there are many times when the foster family changes their mind because they realize they dont want to part with the children thus all others are overlooked. I cant say I dont agree that these are legitmate reasons for doing so either.
Again, we as prospective adoptive parents are not privvy to all the information concerning the children. There may be issues that are not told to us and would not be told to us unless we were actually selected as the family for that child. I spoke with a caseworker about a child and she was asking me general questions about my family and boys, their functioning levels, etc which I was very open and honest about. A couple of months had gone by and I inquired of her again and she simply told me that while she thought I was the perfect person for the child, she felt that the child would be a hinderance to the other children in my home. I appreciated the fact that she was honest with me and didnt question further because I was sure that if it was info she could have shared with me, she would have.
Narratives are not a very good source of info but there have been some cases when if you read between the lines you realize that there are other issues. If a profile states the child needs a separate bedroom or very close supervision one can assume that the child, for one reason or the other is high maintenance. Prefer a two parent family, or needs a home where there is a good support system available - tells me the child can be a handful and overwhelming and the parents are going to need respites or breaks.
I have had foster boys in my home that had absolultely no respect for a female but would respond positively to a male role model. I have had foster girls that were sexually abused that until their therapy is complete should never be placed in a home with a male of any age. These are all things that we cant possible know from reading a profile or short narrative.
The system is faulty, there is no question of that and there are inadequate or incompetent people in all employment fields. But when one really gives it some thougt, and considers HIPPA and confidentiality, law suits for violating HIPPA, etc it seems reasonable that we are not told everything. Looking at a picture of a child and reading a short narrative is all we get. It is the caseworker that takes all the inside info and runs it against each home study that crosses her desk.
Now, for more food for thought! I was just told by a friend who was attending a training with her foster agency (adoption also) that they are no longer accepting foster families where both parents work outside the home, there has to be one stay at home parent or they will not be certified. According to the trainer, this is a new PA state reg. I have my doubts about that, but if in fact it is, what kind of sense does that make? Where does that leave the valuable resource of single parents who dont happen to be independently wealthy? How many families do you know that two parents working isnt a necessity? It would seem to me that if in fact this is a new PA reg, they are biting of their nose to spite their face!!!!! If anyone else has
heard of this, please feel free to respond.
Chmae
Hi Char
For some reason I had missed the post concerning your animals. It seems odd that people who are in a field where compassion is of so much importance that they think one can just give up a beloved pet.
If I was a caseworker I would be more concerned about an individual that could just "get rid" of a beloved pet than the pets themselves. If a living being is that easy to rid yourself of I would think that it would be just as easy to "rid" yourself of a child that you have decided you do not want. In my case, it was not the pets that the agency wanted gone. I had a Jeep Wrangler and the agency "highly suggested" that I get rid of it!!! Eventually I did that, but on my own terms and only because I needed a van! They were also not too happy with our pet snake, and had it been a boa or python that was 6 ft long, I would understand, but it is a California King Snake that even now at 4 ft long can eat nothing bigger than a mouse not to mention in the 6 years we have owned it has never managed to get out of its cage. I would have no sooner granted that request than one to remove my dogs from my home. I do understand the importance of dogs having vaccines and think that should be documented. I can also understand why there are concerns when certain breeds of dogs are questionable, or their behaviors are, but what better way to teach a child responsibilty than pets?
All three of my dogs came from a Humane Society. They were all either abandoned, neglected or abused! Gee - sounds pretty much like the circumstances from which the children in the system are coming from! More than the faults in the system, more than any thing else, I think the lack of compassion and understanding is the worst of the evils!
The agency I am with, Sanctuary House of Chambersburg, is a small agency and owned and operated by one person (other than her board of directors). My worker will work with any family in PA. I dont think she is overly fond of dogs, but she would never, unless it was state regs, consider asking me to part with them. While it has never been said, she may not necessarily agree with all of my decisions but unless the decisions were causing harm to a child, she would never insist that I change something just to please her point of view. I would suggest anyone in PA who is having issues with their agency consider calling Sanctuary House and see what that agency has to offer.
I have known of agencies that will tell their foster parents that something is state regulation when in fact it is simply agency policy. Why they feel the need to cover this up, I am unsure but they do. One common "reg" is stating that the number of foster children allowed in one home is less than 6. (This 6 has to include your own bio/adopted children though.) The last I looked at PA regs, 6 is the state limit without a waiver from the state. I, personally, was told I could not take in a large sib group as foster care to adopt because that would break state regs of only 3 foster children in any one home at a time. This simply is not true. I do know that some townships or municipalities do have regs and require an inspection to assure the home is adequate space, etc and do limit the number of children permitted in that particular area but the state regs, unless changed recently, state 6 children in the home. If by chance you have 2 of your own children in the home and a sib group of 5 comes up for foster care, it is not necessary for an agency to split them up as the agency can apply for a waiver based on keeping the sib group together. I would suggest that everyone goes to their state web site, in PA it is the Department of Public Welfare, and one can find the actual codes for foster care and adoption in their state.
Maybe a way to bring attention to the whole system is to start calling some of the agencies involved on their "misinformation". I think a lot of frustration and mistrust comes from so many of us getting so many different "stories" from agencies that operate under the same laws/regs in the same state.
I am going to attempt to find the time to find the PA state info and relay the sources to all of you in PA as well as some issues on the Federal level that might be helpful for all to read and review.
Arming yourself with knowledge is certainly a way to know your rights and the way you fit into the whole scheme of things.
Chmae
Hi Chmae and others:
I hope you're wrong about that so called "new PA reg" requiring at least one parent to be stay-at-home. It seems that some people from the agencies are in a time warp and think it's the 1950's. I wish I had a spouse and could stay at home to take care of children and a house, but that's not my reality. I now ask to see anything I'm told in writing and if no one can produce it, I assume that it's not true. Char
I wish there was a system by which children in need of a family could read some of these coments, mainly so they would know how hard we are trying to bring them into our lives, and that they are wanted! I do believe some prospective adoptive parents are a little in the dark about the severity of these kids' trauma. They weren't removed from their parents because the moms went out grocery shopping and left them home alone.
That's why there is training, so it is clear what we will be "dealing" with.
On another note, I am having trouble inquiring about a specific child because the child has siblings placed separately and needs to be adopted near them. Sometimes the child has never been with the sibling, and there is no bond. In CT and MA, the social workers are realistic and say telephone calls and maybe yearly visits would be okay. I bet lots of kids spend their lives in foster care because the so called sibling bond.
Hi Chmae:
I checked the adoptpakids.org website to see what they had to say about a new reg stating that one has to be married and one parent has to stay at home to adopt and they responded: "There are no laws or regulations in Pennsylvania that state that to be a foster care or adoptive parent, you must be married and one parent has to stay at home. However, there are some private foster care or adoption agencies that have their own guidelines and policies regarding the families they approve as foster or adoptive families." Char
Hi Everyone
First, anyone in PA who would like to see the state code for foster care regs can search under Chapter 3700 Title 55 PA. That should bring you directly to the state site that has the regs posted and they can also be printed. It is actually the state code that is sent to anyone interested in opening a foster care agency.
I didnt mean to frighten anyone with the supposed new "reg" from the state as I think it is probably some type of "excuse" for whatever reason from an agency that for some reason wants to go that direction. I just called two agencies in my area to discuss my interest in doing foster care and asked if me being a single parent and working outside the home was an issue and both places indicated it is not. So if it is a new state "reg" as this agency is stating, then there must be agencies out there that have not yet received the update.
My whole point of bringing it up was to stress the importance of everyone, regardless of the state you live in, arming themselves with as much information as is possible. Sometimes I havent been the most popular person in a training or orientation because I do try to keep myself informed and while I do attempt to be diplomatic about it, I will question comments that I feel are incorrect or inaccurate. It must be the "rebel" left over from my teen years!! LOL
Oh I would like to mention, also, the new fingerprinting regs that went into place in PA in Jan. While it is true that they now have to be done thru the Cogent system it is not necessary to have them re-done if they are not yet expired. All that needs done is for the adoption worker to send a letter and your fingerprint cards to Childline and they will verify the no record and send a verification letter to your agency. I only know this because I was ticked off that mine have not yet expired, that sending the cards to directly to the FBI is only 18.00 vs. the 40.00 for the Cogent and I felt it was unfair for me to "lose" my 18.00 by needing to pay 40.00 so I did some inquiries and learned of this. Yes - much to my dismay I will have to renew and I will have to pay to PA the higher rate, but not before my old expires!!!
I will admit there are times when having the knowledge has not made my life easier and times when I knew if I wanted to continue to do foster care I would have to keep my mouth shut and just bear it! On the other hand, it is beneficial to have the knowledge at hand in case it is needed so everyone should do all they can to educate themselves. I truly believe that the more you know and the more you make aware how knowledgable you are , the more likely it is that someone is going to try to put one over on you. I know that there was a point in time when someone was giving me some misinformation and I just very "innocently" stated that I hadnt seen that information in Chapter 3700 and I would have to go back and read it again. Needless to say the fact that I knew the Chapter was all it took for another subject to arise very quickly.
I would also suggest everyone to research Title IV-E. Just search under that. It seems kind of technical and is really boring at some points, but it will give all a good idea of what the "system" has to do to qualify a child under IV-E and helps one to understand a little better why the system works as it does.
Someone posted a statement and commented on feeling the people who are getting children must "know" someone. I dont think that it is they know people in high places or at an agency level, as that is not the case for me. I do think that the more people you meet and communicate with, the more likely it is for information about available children to be passed on to you. There are several people I know who are looking for children and if they receive info (not confidential) concerning a child(ren) they will often pass it on to another, including me and I in turn pass it on to others that I think might be interested, including my adoption worker. Many times she has called me and asked me if I would be interested in a child that someone in her network let her know about. This is where an organization like Adopt America is worth looking into. I know it has only been a little over a week and they have submitted my home study to a worker at least once. Thus, I have my adoption worker, her volunteer matching coordinator and Adopt America submitting my home study for review. These may be children that I have requested the study be sent to or children they have contacted me and asked if I would like to know more about. So it is not necessarily knowing people of "power" as much as it is knowing enough people to increase your ability to search and inquire.
Would also like to let all know, particularly of interest to Duane and Lisa, that today in the mail I received a copy of the adoption petititon that has now been filed in the courts for my OR boys so it shouldnt be too much longer. The waiting is well worth my having these two great kids become a permanent part of our family.
Take care all
Chmae
I am not sure why the worker didn't want pets in your house Chmae. It maybe it has to do with the child that you inquired about, and their needs it was best that there aren't any pets in the home.
Last December, I inquired about a 4 year boy from Alabama that had asthma and an allergy to cats. Alabama were looking for a families that were non-smokers and didn't have cats, which is understandable according to this boys' needs.
I don't smoke or have pets so I thought I would be a good match to this child. I love animals but I was willing to do without a cat.
I wasn't selected for child (many other people also inquired about this same child).
I also recently inquired about a 13 year old boy from Michigan, and he cognitively functions like a 6 year old. He had injuired a cat in his foster home so bad that they had to euthanised the cat. He didn't fully understand the ramifications on what he did to the cat.
So, depending on the child that you inquired about, their medical needs may preclude a family with pets. With a child that has a history of abusing animals, keeping your pets safe may also preclude some kids in your home
I am so discouraged. I started this process in January 2007. I wasn't assigned a caseworker until June! My home study was finally completed in November and now I am waiting and waiting. I should say that I am in the state of Wisconsin and I have no idea what kids are available in Wisconsin. I have applied for numberous children in other states - Ohio, California, Texas, and Oregon primarily. Most of my inquiries I hear NOTHING. I feel discriminated against because I am over 40 years old and single. The frustrating part is that I can't prove it. I would make a child or children a wonderful mother - given the chance. I am a christian woman and make a very good living. I have no other children........so, what is the problem? I am licensed until November of 2009 and then I will give up.
Hi All (Char, too!)
I have heard from another acquaintance that attended the same training that the new "stay-at-home parent' rule by the state was brought up. Thus, I also did some checking and found that there is not a new state reg regarding needing one parent to stay at home. I was relatively sure that this wasnt so but brought it up mostly to point out that not all agencies are up front and honest about their own policies. I think it plays into the confusion we all suffer at times when this kind of statement is being made.
I have absoulutely no problem with an agency who initiates their own policies, no matter how ridiculous they may be, as long as they acknowledge that the policies are theirs and not blamed on the state. An agency that would misrepresent facts, such as stay at home parent required, no pets or only 2 children to a home doesnt seem to me to be willing to back up their own decisions and regs. And if they are "covering" or misrepresenting things, are they going to do the same in other areas of the process? That is why I feel it is so very important to educate yourself so when interviewing an agency you will know immediately if the "facts" they are stating are indeed the facts. Personally, I would not want to be a client of an agency who would color the truth for their own benefit. I would have to wonder just what the issues are that they feel the need to put the blame on state regs or elsewhere rather than be up front and say it is their in house policy. I feel if we are going to trust an agency and its employees to assist in the adoption process then we should be able to trust them concerning every aspect of the process, including regs.
Siblings - what a subject!!! I have been in situations where I was willing and able to keep a sib group together yet someone has decided to split them apart. I think one has to look at this situation on a case by case basis and trust in the workers involved to know what is best for the sibs. I am a true believer in keeping sibs together whenever humanly possible, but that just isnt the case at times. One "excuse" that infuriates me and I have heard on more than one ocassion is when one of the sibs has significant needs and they state that the it would not be fair to the "normal" sib to be raised in the same home. It makes me wonder what we are teaching our children about family and disabilities. To at some point tell a child they were separated from a sib because of a disability, well, what is that telling them? On the other hand, to deny a sib a full and happy life in a permanent family because their sib is not "adoptable" is wrong also. Again, guess it needs to be left in the hands of the people who know the children the best. Is the cup half empty or half full?
Chmae
I guess one of my best biggest frustration since approved to take in children lmost two years ago is that my agency has been only been offering me teenagers even when I requested kids 12 and younger.
I think that the child welfare field has a false notion that single males are good only with teenagers. My agency doesn't consider that I have over 30 years experience working with children one way or another, and I currently work in a birth to three early intervention program.
I am wondering if there many other men that have had the same experience that I have had with only being offered teenagers and how did they deal with it?
Single male
I am not male but wonder if it is not your gender that they are considering but your age? You said you have over 30 years experience which leads me to believe you are a little older, like myself. I think workers have a tendency to want to place older children with older parents, which makes sense. Before I took the 4 yr old I have adopted I had to think long and hard as to whether I would be around to fully raise him. The final "answer" came to me when I realized that there are no guarantees in life and a child could be put into a family of "younger" parents and something unfortunate might happen and that child would be without parents again.
Have you tried being honest with your adoption worker and just point blank ask why they are only offering you teens? Specifically ask if it is your gender or if it is your age or possibly a combination of both. You cannot change being male nor can you change your age. Maybe we need support groups for singles, particularly males and that is something you may be able to start in your area. In the meantime, I would read each and every profile of the teens they are offering you and consider each one on a case by case basis. Ask yourself why you are so determined to have children 12 or younger. I think I had mentioned this in a previous blog but there is a family I know of that takes only teens and when one reaches age and goes off to college or moves from home, they make room for another teen. I think one has a tendency to feel that when they are teens they dont spend much time with you as a family, however, this is not necessarily true as if you truly bond with the child while they are in your charge, they eventually marry and bring grandchildren into your life.
I think it would be great if other males in similar situations would respond to your blog and relate their experiences. I think there are many males out there who could be a valuable resource for children of all ages and dont even bother simply because they are male and figure that they dont have a chance. Hang in there - dont give up.
Chmae
Dear Anonymous from Wisconsin,
I want to start by saying, I am very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this problem. The adoption journey can be a difficult one, and it is important for families and individuals, such as yourself, to feel supported throughout its process. In addition, the state is not allowed to discriminate because of age, race, sex, national origin, or sexual orientation. We have many older parents who decide to adopt. In fact, we encourage families to consider their own stage of life to better determine what age group will best suit their family.
If you are looking to adopt a sibling group or child through the foster care system and are receiving no response, you may want to speak with your worker. Ask them why you haven’t been contacted, and what needs to occur to rectify the situation. For example, there may be trainings available through your agency or in your surrounding area that will assist you in caring for certain children. Some of our new families provide respite care to other families in order to gain experience and knowledge needed to care for certain children. Discuss these options with your adoption worker. They are your best resource.
If you do not receive a response, or are dissatisfied, you may want to follow your agency’s grievance procedure. This includes discussing your concerns with your worker, following up with their supervisor, and finally, contacting the Program Manager or Director. You can talk with the Program Manager or Director for assistance in filing a formal grievance.
Waiting for your child can be a hectic time, however, necessary, and essential to ensure the best possible fit and permanent home for a child. In Wisconsin, the majority of children coming from the foster care system are currently ages five through eighteen years old. The matching process is important to determine what child your family is best prepared to care for. If you are looking to adopt a child who is five and under, your waiting time will be longer, since a high number of families are requesting infants and young children, and a low number of young children are available for adoption through the foster care system.
You sound like a caring person who really wants a child to love and care for. Hang in there; don’t give up hope just yet. Keep advocating for yourself. Talk with your worker regarding your frustrations. I wish you the best of luck. If you have any other questions, do not hesitate to ask.
AdoptUsKids Recruitment Response Team.
We are TRYING to get licensed to foster/adopt in Illinois. We were fingerprinted in order to do background checks; attended foster/adopt Pride classes for 9 weeks; filled out our weight in paperwork; and had multiple home visits. We are STILL not licensed. We are being told that everything is order and looks good-all that we are waiting on is for our background clearances to come back, and there's no indication of how long that will take. I'm a teacher, so my background is CLEAR, otherwise I wouldn't be teaching in the state of Illinois...We see advertisements on tv and on billboards all the time about the huge need for foster/adopt parents in Illinois. If there is such a huge need, WHY do they make it so darn difficult?
We, like everyone else, are going nuts over the waiting game. We started looking at profiles on the adoptuskids site, only to find that our DCFS worker became irritated with us every time we contacted anyone out of state about a child. She says that other states don't want a state homestudy, they want a private one...ok, WHY? She gets annoyed anytime we contact her to check on progress or about a child.
How do you keep from being alienated by the entire process?
As near as I can figure out here in Ohio, placing children in foster care for adoption has the lowest priority among children service agencies. The highest priority goes to kids in danger that need to get into foster care, then comes what to have for lunch, then when to schedule a vacation, and way down at number 142 is actually placing a kid that is in a safe foster home with an adoptive family. So some kid turns 18 and gets thrown to the wolves before an agency can be bothered to review an inquiry? At 18 the kid's not a child anymore, so who cares?
I'll give you that most of the kind hearted souls that go into social work actually care about the kids, but I've only dealt with one social worker who could manage his way out of a paper bag. I have no hope at all that this situation will change soon.
All of the frustration, delays and crap we've been dealing with all come down to bad management. That an agency would think that anything more than 2 weeks to merely acknowledge receipt of a home study is acceptable is mind boggling. That some agency take more that six months to respond to an inquiry about a child listed on the Ohio website (OAPL) is more than shocking. And we're trying to adopt teenagers, not infants.
I have two hopes. The first is that some organization will establish an voluntary accreditation program and publish "best practice" guidelines that cover responding (yeah or nay) in a timely fashion. Medical organizations have the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Care Organizations. Public children service agencies need something similar.
My second hope is the internet and web savvy kids. Someday, someone with more skill than I will start a photo listing page of available certified parents looking for kids, so the MySpace generation can find out who is out there looking for them, and start pressuring their social workers to find families for them. I too have heard that the agencies are there to "find parents for kids but not kids for parents". Well, they entered our info into the statewide computer system, and the only agency that contacted us was trying to place an infant with medical needs that required a stay at home parent... We both work and indicated that we would not consider a child under the age of 8. So that tells me not a single agency in Ohio is using the state database to actually "find parents for children".
I am so upset with the system. We had a call about a child and said we were one of two who were chosen for this child.There were some personal issues about this child and all the caseworkers said we could handle the issues and no problems with our family to contrubute to these issues. This went on for a month -month and a half. We kept in contact with everyone.
Then I had our casewoker call and they said we should never been contacted to be a match for this child and they can not place the child with us.
This messed with our emotions so back. I cried all that day. We know we were with another family to be choosen. They have not even picked the family yet.
Why do they do this to families?After this we may not even adopt . My family can not keep going though the emotional part of this.
I want to respond to a commet made by Chmae about why some caseworkers may want to put sibings in seperate placements.
I work in a birth to three program in Chicago. Most of the kids I work with have sometype of developmental delays, and others have more medical complex issues. I see the whole arrange of disabilities in this job, down's syndrome, autism, blindness, deafness, celebral palsy, etc.
I have one child on my caseload who is almost a year, and she was born with part of her brain exposed. She has a tracheostomy, a G-tube for feeing, and is ventilator dependent. She has a nurse that comes to her home every night from 11 PM to 7 AM because someone has to be awake with her 24 hours a day, and this allows the parents get some sleep.
The mother nevers leaves the home except for medical appointments. The mother never has time for herself, or time to get her hair done.
I can't imagine this child having a sibing. The healthy sibing would be a prisoner in the home, never being able to play outside, go on a bike, or to the beach because the parent would be totially involved with the chil. The parent may not have the energy, motivation, or because of the equipment that the parent has to take when you take this medical fragile child out. So, this would be unfair to the health child.
I am in the process of adopting a child from Calif Foster care. Actually, she is in a medical facility. We have been approved and it has been over 6 weeks since I saw her and we have been waiting on the ICPC to be completed so I can bring her home. How long does this usually take She has SSI and it was mentioned that we need a ruling from Social Security? I understand that we also need to go through the ICPC process in our state also. I had origionally been told it would only be a couple of weeks.
Hi All
I think I had stated in a previous blog that I blieeved that whenever humanly possible sibs should remain together. I had thought that the message I was trying to get across was that there are some situations when I beleive that sibs should remain together and other situations when they should not and each situation should be judged on a case by case basis. I stand by this.
I understand what the blogger from Chicago is saying, I too worked in a "special" school and know the severity and round the clock care some of these children require. My comments were not meant to suggest that sibs remain together at all costs. I apologize if that is the manner in which my comment came off.
I have knowledge of two sib groups that were split up for not even a reason a caseworker could provide except that trying to place a large sib group was too difficult. I have seen comments on various indiviual state web sites indicating that the agency was willing to split sibs into two groups if a family could not be found that would accomdate all of them. Again, as I had tried to indicate in the other blog, if a child is so severe in needs that it is detremental for the sibs to stay together or if it would actually harm a sib to remain together, then while I feel for the sibs, I dont have an issue with splitting the group. I just think that the reasons for doing so need to be rational and justified. I think there are families willing and able to take a sib group of 4, thus why would an agency be willing to split up the group rather than find that family? It seems to me that sometimes it may just be easier to do it this way than to work on the situation a little longer.
I would also like to say I have the greatest respect for any family that is willing and able to adopt a child who has extensive needs. It is a huge sacrifice and these families are to be commended. I would not want anyone to think I feel otherwise. We all have our limitations on what we are able to handle and the people who devote 24/7 to a child are wonderful. I salute them.
Dear VA Family,
I understand that the adoption process can be sometimes long and frustrating. Usually, the majority of agencies will require that you use only one agency at a time. The reason for it is that families can only have one adoption process going on at once, and by working with only one agency it will prevent simultaneous processes from happening. So, don’t feel that you are being tricked; most, if not all agencies, will require this agreement.
As for your waiting time, adopting and older child can take between a year to a year and a half from the time your home study has been completed. It also depends on your openness to age, race, gender and special needs. It is important to know that in the same way that you are inquiring about one specific child many other families are doing it as well. Case workers usually have to review as many as 80 home studies to select one family for one child. Please remember that case workers have to meet certain criteria on the type of family that would better meet the needs of the child, and that includes if the family must be in-state or if it could be an inter-state adoption. Some other factors that a case worker might consider when selecting a family are marital status, religion, age and sometimes even pets! Some children might benefit from having both mom and dad and some other would do better with just one parent! It all depends on what’s best for the child.
I recommend that when you, or your case worker, submit your home study to a child’s case worker, add a note stating that you would also like to be considered for any other children in their case load that would match your criteria. This way the case worker will know that you would like to have more options as well. Also, send out as many home studies as you can as it will only increase your chances of being considered! The matching process is like parenting, you will need patience and a lot of effort.
When you feel frustrated, try to remember that there is a child out there waiting for you to find him/her!
If you have more questions, you can post them again or contact AdoptUsKids.
Cami Clavijo
AdoptUsKids - VA RRT
I have been matched with an adorable little girl in CA. We have been in ICPC mode over 6 weeks now with the state of CA. How long does it take for CA to approve an ICPC and submit it for consideration of the State in which the child will be living for adoption. I initially was told it would be only two weeks. She has SSI but it shouldn't take that much time? I am frustrated as she is deaf and we need to get her plugged into the program here ASAP.
doorless
From what I know about ICPC it is a matter of the proper paperwork being submitted from both states then someone from ICPC putting the info together. I know when I was in the process it took around a month. If I recall correctly, ICPC has to take care of being sure there is medical coverage for the child before he/she can leave the home state and move to the new state. I dont know that the SSI benefits are handled by ICPC but could be wrong on that. I wouldnt think the wait should be extremely long, however, there is paperwork involved from both states and I think the time line might depend on the experience each agency has with submitting the proper paperwork.
Hang in there and congratulations.
Chmae
I am hoping that someone can help me.I am an African American woman,married to a Caucasin man.We have 3 biological children and 4 adopted children.
All 4 of our adopted children are bi or tri racial although most of them look Afican American with the exception of 1 who at first glance looks Caucasin.
We want to adopt a Caucasin child but was told by our first adoption agency the chances were slim to none.
I have since changes agencies and I am hoping that my worker will work in our behalf to place in our home the child of our choosing.We will also except a bi racial child or an African American child,but we have our first choice.
Adoption professionals please tell me why you will not place a Caucasin child with my family?
I live in the Hershey Pa area.
To Hershey, PA
Sorry to hear that you feel race has become an issue for your family. If I were in your place I dont think I would understand why either. It sounds to me like you are caring and compassionate parents who have worked within the system before to adopt your other children and your home study and willingness to adopt another child, as well as your ability to do so, should be the only consideration, not whether the child is of a certain race. I would hope that your new worker will represent you and your family based on that and not the racial make up of your home.
I think you did the correct thing when you switched agencies so you seem to be started on the right path. Please dont give up or feel defeated.
Again, I think this is where the human factors play into the whole process and I am not sure what can be done about it. I think I had read on a blog that there is a state that does not publish the photos of the children so that families accept them based on the facts of their profiles and needs. Maybe that is what needs to be done with families also. I understand some placements that are based on culture, such as children who maybe speak Spanish and desire that cultural aspect of life in their new home, but I think there are many families out there who would be willing to educate themselves as well as their adoptive children as to their cultural background.
How we ever eliminate the human factor from the process I do not know. I think many caseworkers for the children have this ideal in their head of the "perfect" family and I have known of caseworkers that either intentionally or unintentionally end up transferring those views to the children they are working with. We all know, in reality, there are no "perfect" families and for a caseworker to hold a child in the system because families dont meet their own personal ideals of that "perfect family" is selfish and just wrong. Personally, I think the definition of "perfect family" should be one that has the love, dedication and willingness to add children to their life, as well as at least the minimal finances to support the child, not that they are necessarily college-educated, upper income, have a huge house with a pool and are able to travel to Disney every year. Oddly enough, the families out there with unlimited financial resources, etc are the perfect candidates for overseas adoptions. With a system, particularly in some states that take forever to place children, these are the families who are not applying within the current system for children. I dont think it takes someone well off financially to raise a child who comes from the system but someone who is dedicated to the child and their issues.
I haved recently read a statement from someone in PA working in the system say that PA is a national leader in foster care and adoption of special needs children. I would like to know what this statement is based on. It would be nice to see some statistics on a state by state basis as to the number of children being placed per year. Maybe what we need is a nationwide seminar of some sort so the states that are successfully and safely placing children in adoptive homes can give advice to the states who are not. In PA, maybe we need someone to eliminate the county by county mess they have created and make the process a unified state process. Again, as I think I have mentioned this before, having had many years experience in the foster care system, there are counties in PA that if I see a child available in that county, I dont even bother to inquire as I know that they drop the ball when it comes to placing these kids.
I understand that states receive federal funds for each child in the system thus it might be that no one is anxious to place the children so as to keep the money rolling in to their state/county. Maybe what needs to be done is the federal guidelines need to be amended adding a "limit" on the amount of time an agency receives this financial incentive. In other words, a child who is available for adoption makes the state eligible for some type of financial aid, however, if that child is not placed within a two year period the assistance no longer applies. Maybe if the government agencies involved were to start "losing" money by keeping the children in the system, rather than benefiting from keeping them in the system, placement rates would rise significantly.
In the meantime, for all of you who are looking to increase your chances of finding a child(ren) and willing and able to do so out of state, register with Adopt America. Since I have registered there is not a day that goes by that I dont receive emails concerning avaiable children. These emails come thru a chain of volunteers who are somehow connected to caseworkers in different states, caseworkers who are actually looking for homes for these children. (That's a switch, huh>) In fact, based on the short narrative written about me and my family that has been posted, there have been several caseworkers who have requested my home study be sent to them. Just to have a caseworker say they have read my home study and liked it (and me) has been very encourageing. It is easy to get frustrated when your study goes out over and over again and you are either not chosen or feel like you are being ignored! The facts are that if we were not qualified to adopt, there wouldnt be a home study for us in the first place! Am I right? So everyone hang in there and just keep on fighting.
To anonymous, thanks for the encouragement and the enlightment.My Husband and I will not give up even though it seems like we have a long road ahead.
And we will register at Adopt America as I need all the help I can get.
Thanks
I first applied to adopt in late 2006. I was matched at the beginning of 2008. It is taking 5 months for ICPC. I have had many problems along the way but I won't tell my entire tale of woe here. I still believe in foster care adoption but I am careful how I promote it, because so many potential good parents are turned away by it. I appreciate the many great efforts of the foster adoption workers, who are underpaid and overworked. But something needs to be done to get rid of the bad apples and fix the system!
What I would specifically like to complain about here are the problems with photolistings as it relates to private details of children. I made hundreds of inquiries, tracked down caseworkers, so I have a lot of data points on this. Louisiana is one example. Florida is another. I stopped inquiring for their children because I realized I was never going to get anywhere. I think they don't bother placing out of state.
An example: I inquired after a Florida sibling pair. After weeks of trying, I was connected to their worker. Their office was in chaos and she told me to call back after two weeks. I called back. I got someone else, who told me very personal details of the placement and reasons for removal. We managed to submit a homestudy. I called back to check if they had received it and got someone who told me that all details of the siblings were private... even though someone else had just improperly disclosed them to me without even a homestudy! No one was talking to each other in that office or cared about placing the children. Needless to say, no action was ever taken on my homestudy.
There is a child in Louisiana I inquired on in early 2007. It took me months, but I finally reached a caseworker who knew something about his case. She told me the child had been in an adoptive placement for 6 months already. They were not accepting homestudies. THE BOY IS STILL PHOTOLISTED AS OF THIS DAY, MORE THAN A YEAR LATER. How can you do this to him? Exposing his personal details and special needs on the internet... and all for nothing!!!!
My advice to everyone else who is still waiting for a straight adoption (post-TPR, no fostering) is below.
1) reexamine your priorities. If you want a super-healthy toddler girl this is not the right process for you.
2) If you are single, gay, lesbian or live any kind of untraditional lifestyle you are at a disadvantage. Realize that and try to work with it. If you are not religious, pick a liberal church, start attending and making connections there, and make sure the church attendance gets put in your homestudy. Atheism and non-Christian religions put you at a disadvantage.
3) If you are white, think carefully about whether you can meet the needs of a non-white child and what kind of community support they will be getting. If you live in a small rural all-white location you should probably not be adopting transracially. If you are non-white, do the same thinking for any transracial placement. Realize that if you are not white and not black, workers on a national level will not understand how to deal with you and will be really confused by you. Being an interracial couple can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. Don't be fooled by the "we do not discriminate according to MEPA and IEPA etcetera etcetera language". Read the Evan B. Donaldson report on transracial adoption of special needs (Google it) for the true picture.
4) Make sure your caseworker is really working for you. A lot of workers will say they are sending your homestudy and following up, but doublecheck and make sure they really are! Demand to read a copy of your homestudy that is going out! If you are stuck with a sabotaging worker, ask for another one, start with their supervisor and work your way up.
5) Do not complain about the classes. Mine were great, I have heard some others were terrible. But education is always good. Read books on adoption and develop good, realistic attitudes about birth families; show the workers you do not feel threatened by childrens' emotional connections to birth families.
6) Realize that even if you want older children and teens, the process could take YEARS. Adjust expectations.
7) Tell yourself that you are doing the most ethical form of adoption in the United States. However screwed up this system is, at least there is no baby-selling going on. Reports of corruption in Vietnam and Guatemala are pretty scary.
8) Talk with other people who have already done this as much as you can.
Dear Anonymous from Wisconsin,
I want to start by saying, I am very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this problem. The adoption journey can be a difficult one, and it is important for families and individuals, such as yourself, to feel supported throughout its process. In addition, the state is not allowed to discriminate because of age, race, sex, national origin, or sexual orientation. We have many older parents who decide to adopt. In fact, we encourage families to consider their own stage of life to better determine what age group will best suit their family.
If you are looking to adopt a sibling group or child through the foster care system and are receiving no response, you may want to speak with your worker. Ask them why you haven’t been contacted, and what needs to occur to rectify the situation. For example, there may be trainings available through your agency or in your surrounding area that will assist you in caring for certain children. Some of our new families provide respite care to other families in order to gain experience and knowledge needed to care for certain children. Discuss these options with your adoption worker. They are your best resource.
If you do not receive a response, or are dissatisfied, you may want to follow your agency’s grievance procedure. This includes discussing your concerns with your worker, following up with their supervisor, and finally, contacting the Program Manager or Director. You can talk with the Program Manager or Director for assistance in filing a formal grievance.
Waiting for your child can be a hectic time, however, necessary, and essential to ensure the best possible fit and permanent home for a child. In Wisconsin, the majority of children coming from the foster care system are currently ages five through eighteen years old. The matching process is important to determine what child your family is best prepared to care for. If you are looking to adopt a child who is five and under, your waiting time will be longer, since a high number of families are requesting infants and young children, and a low number of young children are available for adoption through the foster care system.
You sound like a caring person who really wants a child to love and care for. Hang in there; don’t give up hope just yet. Keep advocating for yourself. Talk with your worker regarding your frustrations. I wish you the best of luck. If you have any other questions, do not hesitate to ask.
AdoptUsKids Recruitment Response Team.
Why is it the Caeworkers do not respond back? I live in Pennsylvania and have inquired about a sibling group.My worker is even trying to reach the caseworker and she is not responding.Most I have encountered are like this but there are a few that have been helpful(sadly all their children are placed).
Can somebody in PENNSYLVANIA if you are "listening" offer some advice?
Doorless,
Chmae was right that the time line depends on the individual agency submitting the paperwork. Persistence will serve you well - make sure you are in touch regularly with the social worker from the sending County and ask them for realistic time estimates. This page has some additional info about the ICPC process: http://adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/atcPublications.aspx
Hang in there and good luck!
Mark
California Recruitment Response Team
To Anonymous from PA
I think your question of why caseworkers in PA dont respond is a very typical concern that all of us have with this state. I have blogged twice concerning a question with SWAN and out of state assistance in placing children and while I am sure Kate has indeed forwarded the question to SWAN or Diakon, have yet to receive an answerfrom them. Not only caseworkers in PA that seem not to respond, it is an overall problem in the state. I am
currently looking to add a child(ren) to my family and I have to be honest and tell you that I no longer bother to look for children in PA. I am fortunate to have a worker who does out of state adoptions and works very hard for not only me but for the children, however, I know that there have been times when she has inquired for me and others for PA children but doesnt receive responses from the caseworkers. Her agency is not a SWAN affiliate thus there are some counties that will not deal with her because of this. I feel this is just another way the children in PA are being held back from finding homes.
While I am sure that there are many PA children in need of permanent homes and while I do feel for them, I am not naiive enough or maybe patient enough to sit back and wait forever for PA to finally place a child with me. There are thousands of children in the United States who in fact are just as deserving and in need of forever families as are the PA kids and since I am capable and willing to provide that, I look at all states.
Another blogger for this site, Char, has started a campaign of writing to people of importance in PA to try to correct some of the issues. I too have written politicians, etc and done my best to explain what I see as issues with the process in PA as well as have asked each of them to come to this blog site and read the comments pertaining to adoption in PA. I would ask that anyone in PA that has found the process faulty do the same. It is the only way there will ever be changes initiated, though I think it will be a long time in coming.
I firmly believe that a HUGE issue in PA is that each of the 67 counties has their own agenda. Each use different criteria for placement, subsidies vary greatly from county to county and I am sure there are some counties that have workers and systems that are just plain, old bogged down and overloaded with cases. While I do agree that children who are in custody of the state need to remain under the supervision of their respective counties, I think PA could do the state and most importantly, the children, a big favor by somehow making criteria, subsidies, etc more uniform by instituting state-wide regulations and procedures.
I think I have stated this before, but I had done an inquiry on a PA child and never received a response and if I recall correctly, (this was in my "early phase" before I learned to keep notes on every inquiry i do!!! lol)
I had inquired twice for this child. Ironically, he ended up in my home as a foster child, quite a long distance from his original county, and while it seemed no one paid any attention to my previous inquiries, I am now in the process of finalizing with this child. Again, go figure!!!
A sad thing also with PA, and maybe some other states as well, I have heard comment after comment from people who would be willing to look out of state but say their agencies will not do so. Not only does PA seem to be hindering their own process, it seems that they are also guilty of preventing children from other states in finding permanent homes.
The whole point of the adoption and foster care system should be to provide permanent, loving homes to children in need of them. States should be cooperating and working together to do this, not preventing this from happening. But, I do have to say that there are states, like OR, that are wonderful to work with. The entire process is time consuming and while most states require a minimum 6 months before finalization, it really shouldnt take any qualified family years to find a child(ren) who are a match. It should also not be that children are aging out or sitting and waiting for years before a placement is found for them. It does take time as well it should, but the wait for the children shouldnt be due to a system that is faulty or a caseworker who just doesnt bother to respond.
Maybe we need a blog category so that caseworkers can anonymously comment as to the conditions they are working under so that we might better understand their side of it. Sometimes it sounds as if we are always bashing the caseworkers but I am sure there are many, many great workers out there who may be just as frustrated with the system as we are.
In fact, CASEWORKERS OUT THERE - we all would much prefer to work hand in hand for the children. We would much prefer for this to be what it should be---- a positive experience for everyone involved. Please, post comments, tell us as prospective adoptive families what we can do in order to help change the system and see that the focus is placed back on the children. Tell us what we can do to help you with making the process a little more timely and simple. Are the issues on a state level? Are the issues on a federal level? Is your caseload such that time is precious so that not all calls can be returned? Please, talk to us!! I dont for one minute believe that there is anyone in this process that would not be willing to write letters or make calls to improve the process. The goal of everyone who reads and uses this site it to find permanent homes for children. There are families everyday who are giving up because the process can be a huge emotional burden. It could be that just hearing from caseworkers and better understanding the process and issues that people may in fact be more patient and willing to wait a little longer. I am not always sure it is the lengthy process that causes people to give up and stop their search. I think most of the time it is the frustration and NOT knowing that drives many away. Enlighten us, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
Chmae
Hi all:
I'm still writing letters and sending email to elected officials and to celebrities, especially those who have adopted. I'm also in the process of becoming a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) volunteer because I want to help the children in the system get better results. Based on my own experience with the system, while it claims that it is looking out for "the best interests of the children," the children's interests are not even considered. Everyone looks out for the biological parents' interests and since foster parents have no legal rights concerning the children we take into our homes, we don't count.
I prefer to help the children who are rotting in a system where the right hand too often either has no clue or doesn't care what the left hand is doing. The child welfare system in PA and in this country is an entrenched bureaucracy which refuses to change its way of doing business. Why fix something that isn't broken?! There is also insensitivity among too many of the case workers toward the children's situation. I have run into several caseworkers with 20 or more years exp & they strike me as callous and indifferent individuals. For example, I mentioned in an earlier blog that a social worker with over 25 yrs exp referred to the children her office receives as "dirty," meaning they have issues. I bristled at the remark.
I'm also reading a lot about foster care and adoption in PA & in the U. S. so that I can get a better understanding about the whole system. I'm focusing all my efforts on the children to ensure that their interests are actually being considered. Being a CASA volunteer will only allow me to help one child at a time, which I don't mind because had most of the children we see over and over again on the adoption websites had a CASA representative who was truly looking out for their interests, they would have been placed in permanent adoptive homes years ago. I encourage you to become a CASA (or the equivalent) volunteer in your state. You don't need to be a lawyer or anything like that. There are training sessions involved. Based on my readings, there are many children in need but not enough volunteers to help them have their voices heard, especially in court. What you need is a commitment to helping the children. This could be something else to do while you wait months and/or years to foster/adopt. All this activity is keeping me sane. Char
"if adoption professionals are listening" why aren't they responding? I too live in Pennsylvania and I have adopted before in the past.Somehow I remember it being much easier the last time.
It is a shame how the workers simply "ignore" emails and calls.
I have contacted a caseworker from Monroe County a total of 10 times and STILL no response.My worker calls for her every other DAY!!!
How do they expect to place children?
On the other hand I have contacted an agency in Chambersburg,the child is placed however ANY time I contact the worker I get a response with a day!!!
I just heard from her again today.There truly needs to be something done with the system.
Philadelphia is also a county I have had much sucess with hearing back from although the child I inquired about has already been placed.I know that you will not list the names of these"no response" caseworkers but maybe you should so they can be avoided.
Who wants to waste the time to inquire when NOBODY responds back?
Wow, this is an amazing thread and very emotional. First of all, we are not experts and we have not completed the adoption process. I have found that we get frustrated with this system routinely and that agencies differ in how they communicate with us. I have also found that we are our best advocates in this process.
We have been extremely fortunate, after reading the posts, with our licensing and home study process. We applied to our local social services December 18, 2007. Our fingerprints and background checks were completed in early January and we submitted all of the paperwork for application. We asked for our paperwork up front and continued to push the agency to give us everything early. We started MAPP classes in January and graduated in February. Our Home study was completed in March and we received our foster care license in April. So we are the exception, it appears.
As we entered the search for a child, we took this on ourselves and did not wait for the agency. The agency was upfront with us, letting us know that there were not any children available in our area and that the wait could be extremely long. Initially when we bombarded our worker with requests on children and requests by outside agencies for home studies, there was a little resistance but that has seemed to change with time. We keep the agency involved and we also get feedback and information on children from our agency.
We treat the search as a second job, spending 3 to 4 hours a day researching, calling caseworkers and emailing. We have been to the local schools discussing special programs for special needs children and what programs are available, have researched local therapists and counselors and found which ones are best equipped to handle issues found in adoptions, and have read nearly every book on the amazon list for adoption of children in the foster care system. This allows us to talk to the case workers of children that we are interested in and know if this child would be a good match for us. We are able to discuss what is available in our area and discuss how this would be beneficial or not available for certain disabilities. This type of information has been received extremely well by the case workers and most all of them comment on our preparedness. This also seems to make a difference in the case workers returning our calls, answering our emails or answering the phone when we call.
We are in the final matching for three wonderful children at this time (one in Missouri and two in Florida) and expect to know if we are selected in the next couple of weeks. The case workers for these children have called us regularly to update us and our agency on the status of selection and where we stand.
All in all we have found the process to be frustrating at times, there is too much paperwork, too much bureaucracy, and the agency personnel and caseworkers are busy. We also determined that we are our best advocates and we need to push our agency and the case workers to give us information and status updates. We are always extremely respectful to all of these people, regardless of how they treat us. We followed the advice of many, using the "squeaky wheel gets the grease" philosophy. Additionally, we determined that the process is not perfect, we have to take what is there and believe that what happens is for the best. This is about the children and they have been waiting much longer for us than we have for them.
We have been in contact with numerous states and find that some are better than others, but we have found that mostly it is dependent on the individual caseworker and each is different. However, I will say that the folks in Missouri seem to be on the ball and respond quickly and keep in contact. Georgia and Virginia seem to be just the opposite, as we have yet to get any response past the initial request for a home study after dozens of inquiries. Some case workers are just easier to work with and some are not. We tend to move on when a case worker seems uninterested in us and fails to answer phone calls or emails. It is not personal, they have their job to do and they believe that they are doing it correctly - so we don't get discouraged and move on as well.
Obviously we can not pretend to understand everyone's issues with this system and we don't want to make light of any of the problems that folks are experiencing. We did feel that a positive post might be helpful for those that are just entering the process. We wish everyone the best of luck in their search!
Why do the adoption agencies have computer generated "thank you for your inquiry" but no response to home studies being sent for the specific child your requiring about? Our case worker has sent our home studies to aproximately 10 childrens agencies with no response of even receiving them.We have read that there are 500,000 plus children in foster care,if they were all adopted then all the social workers would be out of a job. At least thats why social workers don't reply to your inquiries.
I would like to comment specifically on SWAN funding given to agencies to promote adoptions. If I am correct, each year an agency can request a certain amount of funding based on their estimate of how many children they may place, how many adoption preps they will do, etc and the funding is then issued to that agency. I understand that once the money is received, the agency can spend it on any combination of appropriate services. In other words, the agency may have estimated they needed the funds to do 12 home studies but if they don’t do that they can use the funds to pay for the adoption prep done with children. I would assume, thus hope, that if the agency's estimates weren’t met for that year SWAN would take that into consideration before giving the funding for the next year.
So an agency does 10 homes studies and is paid 2500.00 per study. That is all well and good if the studies in question are actually used for the purpose intended. If the only requirement is that the home study is completed then what incentive is there for the agency to actually actively send out and recruit for children? The study could sit in a file for years and not a thing ever be done with it but the agency has already been reimbursed for it. Does it really matter to them at that point if the study goes out of their office?
As pre-adoptive parents, we have to wait until adoption finalization in order to be reimbursed for necessary expenses. Many states require finalization before any subsidies begin. Maybe that is how SWAN should deal with the agencies. Put together a system where agencies need to provide proof that studies were sent, families matches were attempted and then provide the funding. Not only should the agency need to provide documentation that the study was sent, it is something that someone should randomly verify. I think that if a verification process was in place that would give agency reps much more incentive to do what they are supposed to be doing. Also, it might actually prove to SWAN once and for all that caseworkers are not responding to calls and worker emails. My guess would be that workers and agencies that are not responding to calls would indeed not respond to the calls made to check the status of a child/home study. I am not at all sure that the majority of the fault actually lies with the licensed agencies but with the county agencies. Many of you, including me, have heard over and over again from our workers that those from county Children and Youth Services are not returning calls and emails. Many of us who privately attempt to contact workers on the county level are also ignored.
And, again, contact your elected officials on a county level. Draw attention to the problems and make the county agencies accountable for their actions. It is the only way. If you call a county worker concerning a child, give it a reasonable amount of time then call the county commissioners for that county. County Children and Youth Agencies are held accountable and do have to answer to their respective county as well as the state. Honestly, I would very much doubt that the people within the government are reading our comments on a daily basis. If they aren’t aware of the issues, they cannot inquire nor can they "fix" it. If your car breaks down and there is no mechanic in your family, you take the car to someone who can fix it and you in detail explain the problems you have encountered in order to allow the mechanic to find the problems. If you or a family member are sick, unless you are a doctor or nurse, you go to the doctor's office and explain the symptoms so the doctor can figure out what is wrong and find a treatment/cure. The issues we are seeing in the system are no different.
For some time now I have been a bit hesitant to pull out all the stops with complaints, etc our of fear that someone out there might remember my name and in doing that it would hinder my chances of finding a child in PA. I was just joking with an acquaintance the other day about that very subject. (so, the more of you out there that express your views the better for me!! LOL) seriously, though, those of you who are making the comments and feeling ignored, are not getting anywhere in PA anyway, so maybe it is not such a big deal. On the up side is that maybe a caseworker out there will somehow recall your name and realize that the kids are the main concern in all of this, not the county, the state, the federal government, etc. It is the kids that we are fighting for!!!
Thank you for your interest in adoption! My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with AdoptUsKids. I’m glad that you asked about this.
The good news is that case workers have the option of sending a pre-written response to families after reading their homestudies, just like they have the option of sending a pre-written response to thank families for their inquiries and request families’ homestudies. Case workers get to choose what these pre-written responses might be.
Unfortunately, the pre-written response to thank you for your inquiry and request your homestudy is used far more often than the pre-written response to respond to your homestudy is used. That’s why a lot of families think that case workers only have the option of sending the request for homestudy.
Please feel free to use the contact information that the case worker included when they requested your homestudy. Contact the case worker and ask them if they have had a chance to read your homestudy yet. If they say yes, ask them if they are still considering your family for the child. If they say no, ask them if they will hold onto your homestudy to consider you for other children they are working with who also need adoptive families. The old advice that has been around for years is true: The squeaky wheel gets oiled.
If you have any other questions about using AdoptUsKids.org, please post another question on the blog or call me at 1-888-200-4005. We want to support and assist you in using AdoptUsKids.org to contact children’s workers, be considered for children, and find the child or sibling group you are going to adopt. We are here to help.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
Hi All - Chmae here!
Just checking to see what is up with everyone? It seems the comments are at a low, havent seen many new lately?
I can see that my request to caseworkers to respond or comment has not been very effective. It is really a shame because I truly believe if we better understood what the caseworkers are going thru, their limitations, their caseload, etc it would assist us in understanding their position in all of this. I think it is also a shame because I for one would advocate for changes in the system pertaining to caseworkers if I knew for sure what to present as the issues. I think the system would be much better if we treated this as a team effort.
How are things going with everyone? Have things, as far as responses, placements, etc picked up this spring? I know they have for me, especially now being registered with Adopt America. Hang in there and lets see some comments going up!!!
Chmae
Well,I am still waiting for the ICPC to be completed in CA. I live in WI. It has been 10 weeks since we began.I have called . .eft messages, e mailed and rarely get a response back!
This is all so sad as my new soon to be daughter is in a facility and is HOH or Deaf. She has HA's that they only let her wear 15 minutes a day. No one signs to her at the facility. She is five and it is imperative she get proper care soon.
It should not take this long for ICPC from sending state to be completed. My social worker has not heard anything from CA either since we had the disclosure.
Is there anyone out there who thinks this is an unreasonable amount of time for the ICPC?
Doorless
I would think that your caseworker could inquire with ICPC to find out what the status is in CA. I know when I was doing an out of state my adoption worker informed me at one point in time that there was just one particular form that needed to be sent to ICPC from the sending state, thus I am assuming that she had access to all info involving ICPC. I would think your caseworker would have the ability to check with ICPC also.
I dont know that 10 weeks is a huge amount of time for ICPC yet it does seem a little long. Has anyone talked to the adoption specialist in CA to see what is going on? If you arent getting straight answers from the childs caseworker I think if it was me, I would call the caseworkers supervisor and inquire as to the status. Not to frighten you, but I recently was told a story of a family waiting for ICPC and as it turned out, the original caseworker in the sending state had been saying the work had been submitted. Sometime later another inquiry was done as things were not progressing and the adoption worker learned that the original caseworker had left her position and a new worker taken over the case. When the new worker did look into she found that the work had never be submitted to ICPC at all. You are your own best advocate as well as for the child you are bringing into your life so if I were you I would make some "noise" and if need be ruffle a few feathers to get everything in order. Keep us posted and hope things go well for you.
If adoption professionals are listening, why is that I have been in the adoption process so long (almost six years WITHOUT A PLACEMENT). I had a bad experience with an agency (they did not advocate for me), and had to find another (They are GREAT).HAving to find a new agency made me quite discouraged. The journey of adoption is for those who wanted to open their lives, homes, and hearts to children that want unconditional love and forever families. I am becomining more and more discouraged as the days go by. I have joined adoptuskids, Adopt America and still have not heard anything. The children that I have inquired about social workers repeatedly say, "Oh, we are sorry but that child or those children have been placed." It seems that the agencies do not update the websites of available children. Then I have had submitted inquiries and the social worker seems to want to match my family with a child that is not in the age range that I would like to have join my family. Some social workers for children that I have inquired about have asked me about other children and when I say hat I am not interested they seems to have nothing further to say. This is sad. Social workers that I have come across have made me feel that I am NOT good enough. They have so much control over placements of children that it discourages people of color such as myself from getting involved with the adoption process. I am aware that the needs and well being of the children are the most important but who are they to judge? I have a four bedroom home, good job and am in school to acquire my degree, so what is wrong with me? My son who I rasied primarily by myself has come out great and has stood behind me throughout my disappointments but he has even said, "Mom give it up, you don't need to get your hopes up and then be shot down." Attending support groups has given me some help, but I am still asking the question, "When will it be my turn?"
I hope that someone can relate to what I am going through and is able to give me other websites and information that will help me along with my journey. I am willing to hear all bits of advice regardless of how small it may be.
Prayerfully all of us who are still waiting will hear from a social worker soon regarding a child that needs and wants our love.
Hope to hear from someone soon.
I am an adoptive parent, and can identify with how frustrating the process can be. The time involved in the initial inquiry and on to the final adoption seems unbearable. If you can keep faith that the child who is meant to be with you will be identified, and that the child will become part of your family, it will make this a more positive experience. Through each adoption, the social workers are required to make the call as to the placement. They may know details of the child's case that are not available to us. Sometimes, too, the websites are not updated, and the child that is inquired on, may have already been placed. The plan is hard for us to understand, but if it is meant for you to adopt a child, it will happen. Try to hang in there!
Margaret
Please do not give up. Foster/Adoption is what worked for us. We adopted a sibling group of three from the foster care system here in New York state. If you are willing to take children of any age you will get a child right away . If you are little more selective it may take longer. Often times social services wants to find the perfect match for you and your family. We know that we are truly grateful to the foster care system and for bringing us our family plus, we then had a birth child and now have another foster children who soon may be able to be adopted. My advice is to go to your state agency and go through their MAPPS training if you have not and maybe broaden your age limit.
Chris
This is not an easy question to answer. If you are a SWAN (Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network) family, SWAN has paid your agency to complete the homestudy for you. You do not have to pay anything for the home study. If SWAN has paid for the homestudy, SWAN actually “owns” the study which means it will cost you to have it sent to another state. What SWAN has done to help families that locate a child that they want to adopt from out of state and will be using a SWAN homestudy is to allow that family to use there $2000 non-recurring expense to paid for the study.
My suggestion would be start looking in other States for young children. Once you have located a child that you are interested in, have your agency contact Larry Yarberough the Director of the Interstate Compact Unit in PA at 717-772-5506. He will walk the agency through the process of adopting from another state.
If you need anything else please let me know.
God bless
Phyllis Stevens
Adopting thru DFCS in the state of Georgia is a literal nightmare. My partner and I finalized on one child last year and will be doing so on another before the end of this year however.
My suggestion to anyone in GA is
#1 know your adoption policy - workers dont necessarily follow them and should be held accountable.
#2 dont be afraid to let your voice be heard when there is a problem with your DFCS office. Let someone know and go up high. The only thing that caseworkers react to is pressure from the top to do their jobs. Sad, but true.
Hang tough all y'all in Georgia.
Hi Doorless,
That sounds very frustrating! Have you asked the child's social worker what their timeline for the ICPC process is? Another person who may be able to help you is the ICPC Liason from the county.
I hope that helps,
Mark
CA Recruitment Response Team
We have never been given a time line on the ICPC in CA. When I call both the ICPC worker and the social worker they just say they are working on it. We began in March and it is now the middle of June. How do you find out who the ICPC liason is? and How would you be able to get hold of that person?
l, it is me again. I sent an e mail yesterday asking how much longer the ICPC will take and got a response back. The worker for the state said that the child's worker has decided that she will not let this child be adopted by me! She further stated the child's attorney agreed. No reason why! How can this be in the best interest of this child to remain in a medical facility that is not even equipped to teach her ASL? She is 6 and they none of them have bothered up to this point to use it with her. How can they match you with a child and want you to hurry up and go see said child and then take almost three months and suddenly decide that you cannot adopt a child. I have spent a lot of money and time learning ASL and have gotten videos for her , etc so I could be fully ready. I have contacted the school to be ready for her. I have bought clothing and toys for her and now! POOF , no you can't adopt her.
This is clearly horrible for the child and then for me. What do I do with all these things I will never use? What do I do with the clothes I have bought for her? How can they do this?
The California Department of Social Services is responsible for the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children here in California. We are always available to respond to issues or concerns that members of the public may have about ICPC issues impacting them. However, it is often difficult to provide an accurate response without a clear understanding of all the nuances of each case. We do have a mailbox that folks can send questions regarding ICPC issues impacting California Children. That mailbox is: ICPC@dss.ca.gov.
Me again. I found out the social worker who I have no name for decided this when she came back from maternity leave. She saw that I have two at home with severe CP and assumed that it would be too hard for me to parent three with CP given Ashley's needs. My middle daughter passed away last year from a stupid mistake by a doctor.. My home study showed that I have parented three with CP for many years successfully and the children thrived under my care. I can't even get the social workers name. How do I appeal this?
It is clear that you are very, very upset and you have every right to be. There are so many questions in this that are unanswered. The best thing to do (since it sounds like you are prepared to have this child at this point) would be to see where exactly the issue is. You say you were matched with this child. Was the child’s attorney not involved in that in any way? Since it has been three months, have you had any contact with the child’s attorney? How much contact have you had with the child’s worker? Do you have a case worker in the agency you are working with? Can that worker contact the worker in the other state and get more information? It is also uncommon for the ICPC worker to give that type of information directly to a family. That information comes from the worker to the family’s worker or to the family, not initially through ICPC. There are many things to be considered. First you must calm down – be angry, yes! But don’t expend all your energy on that because you will need your energy to fight for this child. You may want to contact the Recruitment Response Team in your state and ask them to contact the Recruitment Response Team in the other state. Possibly, they together could unearth what some of the issue is. However, you – or your worker -- must talk to the child’s worker! It is usually better if the conversation is worker to worker (that is unfair, yes, but that is how our system works). If you are not working with anyone right now, you will need to speak with the worker. When contact is made, concentrate on the child and the decision. Don’t talk about the clothes you have bought or learning ASL. That could make it seem like to are more focused on you than on this child. Have a list of questions written out (if you could email them, that would be good, it always helps to have a paper trail). Maintain a calm demeanor and ask about what made the agency change their mind about placing the child this you. You may eventually have to involve other parties but if the RRTs could get to the bottom of it and see where the glitch in communication lies, that would be a good thing.
These experiences are so painful. They are certainly painful for those of us seeking to adopt a specific child. We think of that child all the time. They become the focus of our being. Then, when faced with information such as you are faced with, it must feel very confusing and frustrating. Again, please look at the questions that are not answered. You must get some answers. If you were matched with this child and have not heard from the child’s worker that you are no longer the resource for this child, you must talk with that worker. And, you must get some support from your own worker and the RRT in your state. This is not a “done deal” yet, you need to figure out where the missing pieces are and then get back to finishing the puzzle. Best wishes and please keep working for this child – there are so many like her waiting and we don’t want anyone slipping through the cracks. Keep an open mind and ask lots of questions! Write back if there is more we can do to help! Good luck!
I am the RRT from Pennsylvania and I am finally able to respond to your questions and comments. I know it has been frustrating for those who have posted questions in the past and didn’t get a response. I apologize for the delay but know that your questions and comments were heard, not only by me but also the folks working in PA’s Office of Children and Youth. We all care about the children and are committed to finding permanency for every child in the foster care system.
Hello fellow adopters! Our family has 5 successful adoptions and also suffered two disruptions. We have both praised and cursed the whole process from Induction to Permanancy. In reading some of your comments I can really identify with both the incredibly frustrating ones and the nothing but praise ones. I have to face this issue one day at a time and one individual at a time. I can get soooo upset at the whole picture. Remember the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr accepting the things you can and cannot control. I have seen some ugly things done to kids by people in the system and I have seen some people that truly amaze me at how much they do for the kids and their incredible patience! I just want to encourage anyone going through a hard time right now that 1) You are NOT alone! 2)There IS help available. 3)Get revenge on the bad days by having good days ;-) 4)It is normal to ask yourself during the hard moments, "what have I done?!" (it's in my wife's book, "The Heart of Adoption".
In the North part of MS we have a support group. All About Adoption support group. People come from TN, AR, and MS. It is sponsored by Heart of Adoption Ministries, Inc. We have subject matter experts come and share information, but the best moments are when everyone tells their personal stories. There is a lot of head nodding when someone is telling their story. From those looking to adopt to adults who were adopted and are spreading the word that adoption was good for them and all the steps (pretty and ugly) in between. No subject is too sacred. My kids like helping out too. Now if I can just get them to mow the lawn...
Let your frustration become action. Your pain become a purpose. If we had not had such hard times adjusting these last 8 years to the different adoptions, and struggling for 12 years to get the kids I wouldn't be so doggedly determined to make permanency a reality. We have two boys adopted internationally, one boy and two girls adopted from foster care. They fight like cats and dogs. Are so loud I think I am going deaf. They LOVE to remind me of how OLD I am. They are still dissapointed that they were not adopted by rich people who spoil kids (they say I sound like the credit card commercial where every sentance ends in a "no"). If you ask them what they are thankful for they all say the same thing. "We are safe".
It is NOT easy. I think being slightly "eccentric" helps a lot. I can't imagine my life without having these kids. They have been through so much. When I hear them laughing and carrying on all the hassle is so worth it.
James
Lots of love, lots of kids, Lord we need more room...
Heart of Adoption Ministries
P.O. Box 715
Horn Lake, MS 38637
We are seeking email addresses for the agency workers that assisted you with the homestudy/search/adoption process. We’d like to add them to our informative email blasts. If we can coordinate with the caseworkers and train them on resources and policies, the adoption processes nationwide will be improved. Please provide the name of the worker, agency, and office email address to me at kkirkpatrick@adoptuskids.org. Don’t worry – your name won’t be included in our message. Thanks!
hey James,
I'm from Jonesboro Ar and would like more info on your support group. I run the support group in Jonesboro, but am always looking to hook up with others near me.
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