Want to become more involved in the adoption process and finding a child? Follow these steps!
Spread information about your interest in adopting - tell all your family members, your friends, your neighbors and your co-workers.
Reach out to agencies and adoption exchanges throughout the country – if you are interested in a child, contact the caseworker to introduce yourself.
Learn about the children featured on AdoptUsKids.org and similar state photolistings – read all you can to become prepared and knowledgeable.
Review your homestudy - it should describe your preparation, background, motivation, support circle, and relevant experience.
Keep notes on every child about whom you inquire - the date of the call, participants in the call, and substance of the conversation are all important.
Journal your feelings and experiences - children like to hear how they became part of their family; this journal will help you tell their story.
Make sure your caseworker sends out copies of your homestudy - if your worker says s/he's too busy, offer to come in and help.
Monitor the child’s photolisting even if you have not been matched - if the child is still waiting after three months or so, contact the worker again.
If you’d like to learn how to use AdoptUsKids.org to send inquiries to children’s workers and receive responses back from them, please call 1-888-200-4005 to talk to an AdoptUsKids Child and Family Advocate.
52 comments:
My husband and I have tried most of your suggestions. I have contacted the regional county, local, state person. We are getting told there is a waiting list for girls in our state. We have even contacted some caseworkers of the children we have inquiried about. We are so close, but nothing. The old saying Screeky wheel gets the oil. Well be are trying to screek a lot.
We are monitoring the children and sometimes we see them on HOLD for months. Why I do not know.
As far as our homestudy, it seems like we are not a match for one reason or another.
We are aslo in involve with a support group that has the same issues as us.
What else can we do?
What do you do when your not able to see your home study or get a copy of it?
I have asked about our homestudy too. The comment was we are a private agency and you would have to pay for it, even if it is through the state.
Kate:
Is there anyway our(prospective adoptive parents) homestudy could be posted under our profile so a childs case worker could access it with a username and password? Instead of us having to make the inquiry, wait for a response, then contact our worker to have them fax or mail it. Not knowing if our worker faxed it or if the child's worker has received it.
I know personally I asked my worker to fax at least 5or more home studies a week. Not only it time consuming for our worker to fax not only my home study but they have other families they do the same for. How in the world can they fax home studies, make phone calls, and advocate for the children and families? I think it would eliminate a lot of wasted time.
To Kate & Dana,
& It would save a lot of trees!
Posting a homestudy on the website is an idea we have considered and decided not to implement at this time.
The primary reason we came to this decision is that, by policy, many states will only accept homestudies sent directly from the family’s case worker. Some states will only accept printed homestudies delivered by postal mail. Faxes and electronic delivery are often not accepted.
A less obvious benefit of having your worker send your homestudy is that it keeps your worker involved in your progress. Your worker will learn more about you as they see which children you are inquiring about and can better guide you through the barriers and successes of the process.
As policies and practices evolve, we will certainly re-evaluate the idea of posting the family’s homestudy for workers to review.
Helen Owens
AdoptUsKids
In response to Dana....
I agree. Excellent Idea!
I am registered with the AdoptUS Kids Website with our family information and picture - It would be great if the agency could just access an attachment or file with our "Official Home Study" - Sooo many time I get a request to send the home study... Yadda, Yadda, Yadda - The only way I know it getting sent is if I fax it myself (some agencies are not OK with this) Or if I call relentlessly: ( Ok maybe not that much!) to the case worker to see if they have received it.... I have faxed my home study to a case worker in Arkansas- Lisa in January and called - left message 2x - I never get any reply - It would be nice to know that she is considering us or if she needs the home study sent again, I would do it in a red hot minute! Earlier, I was in contact with a kind man named Alden (who referred me to her) and he has since left - temporarily? Someone help me reach this caseworker? We need some help here : ) I don't want to let this case slip away without us having an opportunity to be presented!
Again,I really like this idea - that way the case worker could see our picture and Home study all in one - the agency or Case worker could just print the families of interest and notify the Inquiring family if they are being considered (this is a whole other process, I know)or not - We would like some feedback as to if they are not interested as well...then we might not bug them! We could just move on and inquire on other possible matches....
GOSH! This would really save on the endless confusion... did they or didn't they receive it??? the phone calls... Hey - I would pay for this service!
Kate... Do the case workers view our profiles or have access to what are profiles contain or only if we inquire?? - In other words is there a "reverse" search for the caseworkers data base in order for them to search for homes and solicit or inquire to families? Because the main focus is to FIND FAMILIES FOR THESE CHILDREN NOT CHILDREN FOR FAMILIES, Right???
I would be OK if the case workers would have access to similar information for placement purposes.... it seems like this could be helpful?? Solicit me!
Anyone else like to add to this idea??
Thank you for your interest in finding families for children! Yes, all registered case workers can search the database of over 5,000 registered families to find families for children.
Agencies register with AdoptUsKids.org, then one or a few people at that agency add individual professionals as registered AdoptUsKids.org users with professional access. Then, these registered case workers can log in and search for families. The families’ information is kept on secure pages.
In fact, there are specific search tools that registered case workers can use on AdoptUsKids.org to search for families for children. Many, many case workers use these search tools. We also offer free publications for case workers who are searching for families for children.
If I know what organization you work with, and what state you work in, I can tell you if your organization is already registered or not. If it is registered, I can tell you who at your organization can add you as an AdoptUsKids.org website user. If your organization is not registered, I can direct you to our short, easy Agency Registration Form available at www.adoptuskids.org.
You can post on the blog again, or you can contact me directly at 1-888-200-4005.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
Helen,
Thanks for responding to my post! I understand that some workers rather have mailed home studies, some prefer faxed. Some only prefer our home study from our worker. We can't even get a copy of our home study. Second our home study could be faxed or mailed from our case worker to adoptuskids and they can put it on our profile. that way the other workers will know if only came from the family case worker.
Sending it by fax or by mail could also be a problem for some. What if our homestudy gets faxed to the wrong # or the mail is delivered to the wrong address...what about confidentality?
As far as our worker knowing learning more about us and knowing our progress...if she doesn't know me by now after year after year of doing our home study, calling her every day..lol
A report could me emailed to them once a month if they need to check the progress of a family of which child we inquire about and the status.
I know NC keeps our home study on file and we only have to call to get more information about a child and we decide if we want our home study to go to the worker. Why cant all states have this system?
I would come and work for you and do it myself :)
Dana
Do the caseworkers who have access to our family profiles have access to our agency information? If so, would it not be a relatively simple task for the worker to email or call the the adoption worker and request a copy of the home study for a particular family? As crazy as it sounds, I do understand why some agencies require that the study be sent directly from the adoption worker. It is a precaution and I think justifiably so. As for it being necessary for the adoption worker to fax, fax, fax that is their job. I dont agree that families are not permitted a copy of their home study, at least to review, and possibly an agency could issue that with some kind of message that it is not an official document. As crazy as it sounds, I know of someone who had previously worked for an agency and was sending out home studies, adopting children, doing her own supervisions, etc and the end result was 11 children being disrupted and put into other homes. I think many times we see regs as hindering when there are there because of that type of situation. I like to believe that most of us are correct in our actions and do the right thing but that is not always the case. Not even one child should have to suffer for an adults poor behavior and judgement. I cannot imagine there are too many people out there who have chosen one child, sent the home study and been selected for that child. The only way it seems that you get responses is to inquire on as many children as possible and hope that a good match will be made. This might sound horrible to some people, but I have learned not to get attached to children based on the narratives or photos. I feel for all of these children, but until I am chosen or asked to read a full profile, I maintain a safe emotional distance. I made the mistake early on in the process of not doing that and was very interested and excited with a sib group only to learn when I read the entire profile on these children that there was no way I would be capable of dealing with all of them and their issues.
I have many emails from caseworkers that I had talked to in the past but for some reason the match wasnt good or the children were placed elsewhere. Every now and then I go back to these emails and just drop a line or two to let the worker know that I am still available as a resource and to keep me in mind. I havent yet found that to end in a situation where I have been selected for a child in this manner, but it could happen. I dont get upset or angry when a worker doesnt respond to me. Maybe my attitude is that when it is meant to be and meant to happen, it will. Just the other day I emailed a worker from another state and told her I was still interested in a child and she immediately emailed me back with info on a child and asked if I may be interested. That doesnt mean I will be selected, but I have already turned down a sib group and was not chosen for another, yet she still shows an interest in me and my qualifications. I think all if not most of the inquiries on AdoptUsKids has the worker information so drop them an email. If it is not for the child that you had originally inquired about, just let them know if a similar child(ren) would become available, to keep you in mind. Many of the contacts are not the childs caseworker but someone assigned to collect home studies and present them to the child's worker thus they have no control or information once the study is forwarded. And, quite honestly, I have quit wasting my time on states that dont seem to respond, like CA, TX, PA, just to name a few. When I do receive a nice response, even if to tell me I have not been selected or the children are already placed, I always write a "thank you" and ask, again, if they could keep me in mind. I think NC has it right by keeping the home studies on file for a year as I know of some states that if you dont seem to be a fit they immediately discard the study. I had inquired with one agency concerning three different groups of children and my worker had to send three studies all to the same fax number but to three different workers within one agency. Seems redundant to me!
All in all, we want to adopt, we want to give homes to children who need them thus we just have to keep working within the crazy system. Grin and bare it!!! We can fight for changes but we cant let it deter us from our goal.
Chmae says
Just wanted to let all of you know that recently I inquired about a sib group off of the Northwest Adoption Exchange and the responses have been great. Not only did I receive a quick and nice response from the worker from the exchange but my info was forwarded to the caseworker and I have received responses from her also. I am really impressed with both of these people and their wonderful attitudes and interest in the children. So, any of you willing to look out of state, especially the states covered by Northwest, should go to the site and view the great kids there. It is definitely the time of year for workers to be seriously considering placement of the kids.
I was recently told by two different caseworkers in various states that they are "impressed" with me and my study because I am so willing to consider any child with any issues. While I do have certain issues that I cannot accept due to the children already in my home, I have not severely limited myself to a particular age group or set of issues. I do listen and consider every child profile that is sent to me and will continue to do so. One of my sons was nothing like what I had in my head nor did he meet any of the preferences I had placed on myself concerning age or functioning level. I was not sure in my mind that I was willing or able to deal with all of his issues and he was older than what I thought I preferred. I considered him and since he was to be foster care until I made my decision I had decided to see how he would fit into our lives. He is a great kid, very laid back, easy to deal with and within a very short time of coming into my home became an instant part of my family. The issues I thought would "bother" me dont, they are minor compared to issues I had with my own teen age children!!! Needless to say I am finalizing with him and now wonder how many kids in the past did I reject based on my own preconceived ideas of the type of child I wanted.
I am not sure what "normal" is or means anymore, but I can feel safe in telling everyone that not one of the kids coming from the system is "normal". They have all suffered some type of trauma, neglect, etc that "normal" kids (meaning those who have never been removed from their homes or families) have not suffered. One cannot be sure even if adopting an infant that the child will be "normal". Maybe what we all need to consider, past age or apparent issues, is what a particular child has to offer us, not what we can offer them. My son is loving, appreciative of all I do for him as well as excited everyday with the new things he learns. I happen to love the age group of 5-8 and although my boy is in an older body, he will be that age for the rest of his life and bring with him all of the things I love about that age group. We just met recently with his guardian at litem who has been working with him for many years and she stated that for the first time in all the years she has known him she was actually able to carry on a conversation with him and he stayed on the subject with her the entire time. I wouldnt have been more proud if it was a child who had just won a full scholarship to Harvard!! And while I dont think he fully understands this type of progress, he was pretty darn proud of himself too.
So, for those of you who can, maybe you want to consider opening the doors a little wider. Reading a profile or discussing a child doesnt mean you have to accept a child, but I will say that I truly believe that by being a little more open you will find many more kids to inquire about and will receive many more responses to those inquiries.
Again, educate yourselves. If you see a child and you are not sure of a condition or diagnosis, research it and decide if it is something that you can handle. I was guilty of having a preconceived notion concerning Austism, and I worked in the MH/MR field for years. It turns out, that just like "normal" kids, autistic kids are individuals and have their own personalities. You would think with my experience in the field I would have been aware of that long before I was! And, to be quite honest, from a personal stand point, sometimes I think dealing with a child with developmental delays, MR, Autism, etc is more rewarding as well as easier than those with MH diagnoses.
I would never dream of attempting to tell anyone what type of child would best fit into their homes or life, but just ask all of you to search your hearts and consider making a child that is a little different, sometimes in a good way, a part of your lives. And, like it or not, children who are labelled "normal" are those that are the most sought after and those that the workers receive tons of studies for and are placed first. It is my opinion that many kids who dont fit that bill are the ones you see that might be aging out of the system because they are not the definition of "normal". You may not know by looking at them that they have issues but appearances can and are deceiving.
I know I am long-winded at times and I do apologize for that, however, I will make one more comment to finish this blog. I was at the store the other day with my boys and an older woman commented on how cute they are and the one boy always responds, "Mom adopted me". She said something like "you have your hands full" and mentioned I should be "commended" for taking in kids "like them". ( she wasnt meaning anything derogatory) I just looked at her and said "they are just kids like any other kids". The smile on her face was priceless and I realized that they are just kids, no more and no less. The best part is, they are MY kids!! And, Mothers Day was awesome this year!!!!!!!! For the most part, I really feel that they have contributed much more to my life than they have to mine.
This system is leaving children lingering unnecessarily in foster homes, etc. because it is so slow moving-something must be done! when I am insistent on speaking with caseworkers and they cannot give me any pertinent information it can be overly frustrating to me, but I really grieve for the child that I am "advocating" to adopt. Here my family is waiting to make a difference in a child's life the most monumental difference that can be made in his life-and we just wait. Agency workers lack compassion and give any answers that may just get you off of the phone. Are they really wanting to find homes for children? If they were, wouldn't they be cordial and polite, and give you a timeframe to have in mind? Instead I find myself being responded to with abrubptness and unprofessional attitudes and yes, I was actually hung up on today by a caseworker. No I did not use foul language or was I rude, just asked for an answer to whether they actually have my homestudy and how much longer do I have to wait until a decision will be made on a child I inquired about! What do I do now?
I saw you said review your home study. Are we supposed to receive a copy of this from our agancy?
I saw a child on adoptuskids and clicked the make inquiry button and the reply was to have my caseworker send our homestudy. I asked my caseworker and she said that she would send me our homestudy to send on and she did that but because of some mailing trouble during our homestudy phase I decided it would maybe be best to send our homestudy special delivery striaght to the caseworker in the other state dealing with the childs case. I waited and waited and called leaving messages as the childs caseworker never seemed to be available to me and never returned my calls and after three weeks the child became unavailable and I thought it was simply that someone got in ahead of us and matched but one week after that I received the special delivery envelope with our homestudy in it back, unopened, because the caseworker was never available to sign for it. How on earth am I suppose to make sure they got my homestudy when they don't return phone calls, send post cards to confirm receipt, are at all available to sign for their own post, or in anyway let you know that you are being considered?
Hello,
My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with AdoptUsKids. Anytime that someone can’t receive a basic response to their call or email or letter, that is an incredibly frustrating experience. It’s frustrating for the families, it’s frustrating for their case workers, and it’s frustrating for the case workers assigned to children who do return calls, respond to emails, and provide confirmation that the homestudy was received.
I’m so glad that, instead of accepting it, you came to this blog to let us know. Thank you for doing that. I hope that you will call me at 1-888-200-4005 x24 to provide the case number of the child on AdoptUsKids.org so that we can learn more specifics.
Since you mentioned using special delivery, I would suggest that families probably don’t need to put themselves through the burden of sending your homestudy by special delivery. So far, I haven’t heard anyone say that it was needed by case workers who do respond to families or that it made a difference amongst case workers who do not confirm that the homestudy was received. In addition to hoping that you will call, that would be my suggestion to at least make that easier on yourself.
If anyone else on the blog disagrees, though, please let all of us know.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
Elizabeth
I do agree with you that it is not necessary to send a home study by any other means than email, snail mail or fax. I do know that some agencys require it be sent snail mail but there shouldnt be a reason, unless requested by a specific worker, to go to the time and expense of sending it any special way. The only real scenario I can see that might require that is I have noticed on some state sites they have cut off dates for submitting studies. In that case for the sake of time you might want to sent it express. If anyone out there does send it in that manner, I would suggest two envelopes. I would address the express envelope directly to the agency thus allowing anyone to sign for it then have the home study inside another envelope with the specific name on it.
I would also like to suggest that anyone out there wanting to touch base with a caseworker to try email as the main connection. Put all of your questions and concerns in one email and allow some time for a worker to answer. It has been my experience that all people in this process, whether adoptive parents or children's caseworkers are "talkers" and there may be times when a worker has the time for a 5-10 minute call but not a half an hour call so it gets put off. Emails can eliminate this as the caseworker can respond in their own time without it possibly interrupting an otherwise hectic schedule. It also gives them time to consider your questions and find the answers if in fact they dont know the answer up front. I know I have received many email responses on week ends as well as during late evening hours indicating to me that there are workers out there who are working OT and on their own time to meet their obligations. I have written emails as simple as this and received very greatful responses " Know you are busy so you dont have to respond. Just wanted to let you know that I am still interested in Bobby and Kevin. I realize you have a hectic schedule so keep me posted when you have time. Thanks so much." Even the grouchiest and most over worked caseworker in the world will feel relieved to know that someone out there understands their plight. Also, simple consideration and courtesy to the caseworkers reflects your personality and character and that is something that certainly cannot hurt you in this process.
And to all caseworkers out there, I think I speak for many when I say this, I would much rather have you be honest and say you dont know how long the selection process will be, that the agency is backed up or that you have passed on the information to another who is handling things and it is out of your hands rather than just be ignored. With an "I dont know" you at least give us an answer!!!! That is all many of us are looking for, just a simple answer.
I have spent the past hour reading through everyone's comments and I am glad my family and I are not the only ones going through all this. Our caseworker has been great about mailing, faxing, emailing or calling caseworkers when we make inquiries about children. Unfortunately we've been through all the same things as everyone else. We send a homestudy and the worker, rarely, if ever gets back with us. If I try and call them I am either completely unable to get ahold of them or am told "we can only talk to your worker." I wish these caseworkers understood the emotional toll this type of behavior takes on us as prospective adoptive famililes. We have sent out more homestudies than I can count and have received calls, from caseworkers on three of them. We were actually asked to travel to meet with a team to be considered as an adoptive family for a child. We went to a great deal of time and expense to meet with these people and were then told we were the wrong religion. Even though our religion was printed directly in our homestudy. DO THESE PEOPLE CARE WHAT WE GO THROUGH, or better yet, do they care about the children in their care. On every adoptuskids profile I read they are looking for "forever families." Well we would like to be a forever family, we have the means, training, experience and willingness to do whatever it takes to help a child heal and reach their fullest potential. Unfortunately these caseworkers don't seem to care and to me that it the greatest tradgedy of all. So due to their lack of caring these children continue to linger in foster care. I am so frustrated that we are ready to give up our search. I hope all of you out there who are going through the same things we are have more success than we have.
God Bless,
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer, I was just wondering what state you are from? Thanks, Jenna
Wow, you have all had the same experiences that I have been having. Non-responisve workers, workers who have no shame at an excessively long decision period (6 months for a 12 yo), and a few good apples who do respond. I have done this four times in the past (adoptions from foster care), number five is a real downer. In the past, workers cared, they wanted to place the kids and knew that time mattered. They also knew that families are going to go with the first child who meets their go no-go list, so la di da would cost their child chances that shouldn't be lost.
A new world. Poor me, I am sooo over worked, I have X kids in my case load. Clearly placements are not a priority. I suspect the lazy wads have figured out that if they use up all those hours making a placement, they just get a new case to make up for the child just placed. Cleaver strategy, delay, delay, delay. If there are still families interested, more delay, eventually, the only studies left are not a good match, and the child is stale on the net so no new ones. Oh well, I tried, maybe next year. The poor kid gets the shaft. I don't mean that all workers do this, but a majority? I think so, what a shame. Unfortunately, the supervisors know that not many placements happen and they ignore it.
Wait three months for a worker to respond? Never, why would you think she will do any better once she has made contact? Move on, deal with a real worker. How long would it have taken her to send an e-mail at the begining?
I have found that e-mail is more effective that phone calls or mail. I haven't had any better luck when its my agency that makes contact. Dedicated non performance. Do add OH to the list of 'We don't care' states, four inquirys, one response. Kids are great, lazy workers are not. John
John
Are you registered with Adopt America? It is based in Ohio and I have found them to be a great help in the search for children. It doesnt cost a thing, all you need to do is register and have your worker send your home study then you are assigned an adoption specialist who will hook you up to start receiving emails concerning available children across the country.
I dont know if the children's caseworkers are over worked, lazy or if the main incentive to keep the kids in the system is the money that each state/county brings in for every child they have in the system. I expect things to get worse as the economy worsens and states/counties are tightening their belts for budget cuts. As is usual, it will be the social programs that will suffer during the budget cuts. And the kids will linger in the system even longer than they have been.
Several people have commented on this site that it is very different than it was some years ago. I cant help but wonder why that is and does anyone have any ideas on that?
Chame
Chame, are you refering to AAN, or is Adopt America a different network? I did register with AAN. I never thought about the idea that they might want to stockpile kids to get funding. It still stinks, but its not about lazy. My vote is for the ME generation becoming social workers, and finding out that they are expected to work, how icky. Something is drastically different.
The change seems to have coincided with the widespread change to fos-adopt. Before that, there was no pretending that a permenant placement had occured until an adoptive placement began.
Hi All - Chmae here
I just wanted to remind everyone to periodically go back to your family profile here on AdoptUsKids and update it as needed. I hadnt thought about it or done that in over a year and when I went back and read it realized it definitely needed an update. I also realized that some other info needed updating also. Another discovery is that having been in this process for a good amount of time I feel I know a little better now what it is that a caseworker may be looking for when they read the family narratives.
I had doubts for some time that caseworkers actually read the info posted on the site, but some do. I was recently contacted out of nowhere by a caseworker in TX requesting my study as a possible match for two boys. I know this was only one caseworker in all the time I have been registered, which is probably two years now, but it just might be that this pans out. Who knows?
I am wondering if it is possible for AdoptUsKids to put add some kind of counter to our family information? I know the name of the worker, etc could not be disclosed but am thinking that if those of us registered could see that X number of caseworkers have at least viewed our profiles it would be somewhat encouraging. I am no computer expert thus this may be too great a task, I just dont know but again I know I would be less frustrated at times if I was sure that someone out there was trying to match children to my home.
I would really like to "finish" my family over the summer months so am spending much time searching for children and am leaving "no rock unturned", so to speak. Again, this is a big time of the year for caseworkers to push placement of the children so they might start their new lives in their new homes before entering a new school year. I, too, keep a listing of all the children for which I have inquired however I now follow up with an email or phone call to find out if the worker has received my study. I do this not because I dont trust my worker - I do implicitly- but because there are times when items are lost in the mail, whether email or snail mail, and times when I am sure that paperwork is stacked up on a desk somewhere and the worker may not have received it or not have gotten to it yet. It can be time consuming and I know a lot of you feel it might be fruitless, but on the other hand, the caseworkers are looking for families that stand out and it may be that a simple email just stating that you had sent your home study for "Johnny, Bobby and Belle" and did you recieve it may indicate to the worker that you are dedicated and interested.
I am also wondering if anyone out there has any statistics concerning the number of children in the system waiting vs the number of adoptive families waiting? It would be interesting to know if there are a lack of families compared to children, more families than children, etc. Maybe the info is there and I just havent found it yet or maybe there is no way, considering each state is different, to gather that information.
Everyone out there, regardless of your state, should go to North American Council on Adoptable Children and look at the legislation introduced Senator Grassley concerning improvement in the adoption/foster care system. It will not solve all the problems with the system but it is a start. Since this is federal legislation it effects everyone in every state and all can help by writing your senators and asking them to support this important legislation. It will be of assistance to all of us in many ways and included in his incentives is extra money to any state that reaches the highest goal in placing children in adoptive homes. We can make a difference and this is a way we can all have our voices heard. Most importantly, it is a way we can help the kids find permanent homes.
Thanks for any support you give.
Chmae
Hi Chmae -
Thanks for your suggestion about our website. AdoptUsKids always appreciates and values feedback and ideas about all aspects of the project. Right now, our website people are ‘full up’ and working on many, many things simultaneously. But, we will hang on to your idea as a potential way to go in the future.
Kate
After reading several posts from above, I guess my husband and I have not been in the adoption process all that long after all. But I can't help but feel that we are overlooked because of our age. I am 45 and my husband is 43. I did have one case worker tell me that she would consider us for a baby, but that the particular children that we were looking at at the time, she would. I wanted so bad to say that I thought that was wrong and discriminating, but I didn't want to rock the boat. I felt that if I did say something, it would be held against us. I always thought that there were so many children for adoption that DSS offices were begging for people. Boy was I wrong. I guess if you wanted a teenager, you could have one tomorrow. But my husband and I want younger children that we can enjoy for a longer period of time before they would leave home. I am so frustrated and disillusioned.
Hi Jenna,
Sorry it took a few days to get back to you, I don't check the blog every day but I should because it makes me feel better. In answer to your question I and my family are from Nebraska, the hardest state in the USA to get liscensed.
Take Care
Jennifer
I have read everyone's comments and I can only comment on a few. We are in Colorado and our children were adopted out of foster care. We had them for 5 years and then adopted them. I haven't had the pain of having a homestudy float around while people talk behind my back and review my file without me present. However, as a foster parent I have been in on a lot of presentations, where we have discussed the 'ideal' family for a certain child. Knowing both sides of the story, I can only tell you that more goes into it than just a homestudy. That is a big piece, but your worker is your biggest advocate. It is your right to see your study I do believe and if you think your worker is not doing you any favors, ask for another one. This is YOUR life, and YOUR childs. I understand not wanting to be labeled, or withheld since you complained, but if you have valid reasons, then nothing is more important than making sure your needs are being met. If you are getting your needs met, no one else's will be either. Mostly your child's. I do agree that you should be your best advocate as well and keep calling and bugging. As for your age, I don't think it's a problem. You would be surprised what some of the items in the homestudy include. My particular foster child awaiting her forever family has asked for some real specific things. Like pets, siblings, church, etc.. and those are things they try to match. Older children are quicker to place as there are many more, but wanting a younger child, will take time. But look at all the children. Even one that looks tough, may just be the one. My son is autistic and I never thought I could raise a child with that since I watch my cousin struggle with his own. Yet, I have known no better joy. Hang in there. It's rough. I can't say I have used my homestudy to adopt out of the system, we adopt our foster children mostly. Two so far, but my 12 pass van will be full one day!! :) Your child is waiting for you and you for him. Be strong. Adopting is such a wonderful joy, it's worth the wait.
I had more to say and got posted early.
I also mean, if your needs are NOT being met, no one else's will be either. We had an age discrimination as well, but in the opposite direction. My adopted daughter is only 13 years younger than I am. I was good enough to foster her for 5 years, but when we wanted to adopt, that was the only thing that was brought up. Odd? I thought so. However, it was quickly resolved. We have a copy of our home study and since we live in Colorado, we are subject to a nasty questionnaire the state has come up with called the SAFE study, so we have a copy of that as well. It's part psychological to rule out us being dysfunctional in some way that the home study may have missed. It's wickedly personal, asks about our intimate lives, previous intimate lives, first sexual encounter, etc.. and any answers that are flagged have to then be discussed with your caseworker. We found this out after my husband accidentally checked 'amusing' for his first sexual experience. It was multiple choice. We asked our worker to share her personal story, and she didn't think we were funny. Either way, we know what you are going through as far as having your personal info being used in some 'backroom' meeting that you are not aware of. What I can tell you, is that as a foster parent I have been very instrumental in 'presentations' for adoption. Meaning I have been asked, in a very confidential for the adopting parents (I am not given any personal information) what might be a good match for a child in my home. Will the 'perfect' family be there, who knows, but this is a starting point. I would encourage everyone to push and bug until you have a copy to help keep current (like did you get a dog, move, new job, change what you want to adopt) and when you find that right child, keep pushing. The delays seem monumental I know. This child has been legally free for 7 months now and is still here in foster care. And not really due to lack of interest, just needing the 'right' placement for her. When a family is found, I then meet with the prospective parents, usually via conference call and talk about my child. Such as 'Jane' likes this and doesn't like this. She does well with this and not well with this. That way I don't have to take her to McDonalds and walk her like a show pony and have her meet people that won't take her. It's very nice that way. It's good to get as much information as possible. On what is being presented about you, and to you. Your caseworker should be someone who you want at a family reunion in 20 years. They are helping you create YOUR future. Don't ever settle or worry about upsetting the ebb and flow. If you feel you are being overlooked, address that. It's your right and eventually things will work. Adopting is such a joy, but it's also delicate in that it takes time. Longer than most of us want to wait. Look into what you might be able to handle that you didn't think you could before. Maybe over time you will become educated about certain things that might have scared you off before. We adopt mostly our foster children, but always keep on the lookout. My 12 pass van isn't full yet!! :) Hang in there, and post often. This site is the best place to get solid friendship from those of us who have done this, or are doing this and need some advice and just a helping pat on the back.
Stacey
It has been educational to read all of the comments posted. My wife and I had a similar experience when we had made the decision to adopt. After completing all of the requirements we waited for more than a year without any matches and virtually no communication. For us the turning point was being invited to a Heart Gallery event. We attended a Heart Gallery of New Mexico event and while there were impressed by a photo of a sibling group of three sisters. We expressed an interest to our case worker who was at the event and were introduced to the three sisters right there on the spot, since they were also at the event! After a short conversation with the three girls we decided to make these three a part of our family and told our case worker that we wanted to follow up. After that everything fell into place like clockwork. Three months later the girls were in our home and six months later the adoption was finalized. It has now been more than six years and these three have been a tremedous blessing in our lives and have seamlessly integrated into our extended family. I don't know what would have happened without the Heart Gallery - but I suspect from the stories posted here that it might have been nothing. If your state has a Heart Gallery event I really encourage you to support it. Maybe it will make a difference for you as it did for us! Visit www.heartgalleryofamerica.org for more information.
Andrew
Please call your local DSS offices and be proactive. Send them all copies of your Homestudy
with a recent photo of yourselves and a nice letter. I sent mine to about 5 offices and finally
one contacted me. You just need one social worker to help you.
I adopted a little girl aged 6 and now is doing wonderfully as a teenager. She brings me a lot
of joy every day.
These wonderful kids need homes or Forever Homes as I was told.
Edel
Just curious about my "theory" concerning placements picking up in the spring and summer months. Has anyone else noticed quicker responses and more responses lately? I guess I am testing my theory though not very scientific.
Chmae
Hi Chmae:
Now that I'm able to look for children in all states and since I allowed some flexibility in the age range I would accept, I got three listings within 24 hours on the AdoptUsKids website. Even though I've been listed with AdoptUsKids for the past 10 months, I only had one child matched and he had severe health issues and was listed as "failure to thrive." Char
Char, don't always shy away from 'failure to thrive' that is so easily fixable. My adopted son had it from being starved, and then my bio daugther was born and diagnosed the same. She had allergies and didn't gain weight. Now she's fine. I don't know about the other issues, but just keep in mind that one, depending on some things, can turn around quickly, or over time with dedication, but is not always life threatening. I think the placements pick up due to fiscal reasons. Most counties run on a fiscal year, not calendar so they need to clear their 'docket' and more kids come into the system during the spring and summer when there is more free time and thus usually less supervision. Not a theory. Proven. At least here. :) Hang in there everyone. Adoption rocks!!
Re: Sending home studies.
I send my home study via certified mail with a return receipt. It's kind of expensive, but at least I know if it got there and who signed for it.
Hi all
I, our of curiosity, went back and researched my own situation on AdoptUsKids. I registered in late Dec. of 05 and since then have inquired concerning 229 children/groups. It is probably upwards of 300 since most were sib groups. I think out of all of them only 26 were Family Closed Inquiries. Kind of makes you wonder, doesnt it? And, that doesnt include all of the children for which I have made inquiries on state websites or others. I know for a fact that I have dozens of home studies out floating around somewhere that were sent out by Adopt America also. I am making a guess from memory, but I believe I have been offered or considered seriously for maybe a dozen children/groups. I know that I had turned down 2 sib groups in the past due to them having issues I was not equipped to deal with.
Now, I cannot complain much as I have finalized with my two sons who were found on this site. On the other hand, it seems pretty pathetic that out of all the studies I do have out there and the fact that I am open to many age groups, not set my sites on one particular sex of child as well as being open to a huge variety of issues, that I have received so few responses. I am just so glad I am not a paranoid type personality and that I am aware of the faults in the system or I might take it all personally and think that something is seriously lacking in me!!! LOL
This is why it is so important for everyone to make sure they inquire for as many children as possible that may fit into their family. With the lack of responses, for whatever reason, and the fact that many of the children for which I inquired are still listed on the web sites, the only way in this lousy system to be chosen is to saturate yourself within the system.
I had to laugh the other day as I inquired for a sib group and when I received a response to send the home study, before my worker could even send it out that day, I received another response that I was not chosen as the family for the children. I am wondering how I could not have been chosen when the worker hadnt even read my study.
I am confident that the AdoptUsKids site keeps up with posting and removing children from the site as they are requested to do so. Yet, my sons were in my home for a good 5 months before the sending state had them taken off the site. It was a great state to work with, I have no complaints, but wonder why it is taking so long for the states to update their available children. If the children are no longer available for whatever reason, it would seem to cut down on frustration for the caseworkers as well as potential parents to have them removed from the site ASAP thus making room for more listings.
I have to say that I think this site is great and I appreciate the resources it provides along with a way to communicate with all of you.
To the anonymous person who left the blog on June 19th.
I think the answer to many of your questions is case overload. The case managers are so overloaded that they can't keep up with all of the children and home studies, let alone arrange a significant number of match staffings. Thus, many children and prospective adoptive parents fall through the cracks. It's just another flaw in a failing system. (Actually, if the adults who are supposed to be properly raising their children would do so, we would not need a child welfare system - at least it wouldn't be overloaded, anyway.)
You didn't say if you are male or female. I have found that single males tend to start out toward adoption with two strikes against them, especially if they want to adopt a girl. I'm interested in knowing, if you are female, if you faced any resistance to adopting opposite sex children.
Hello,
My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with AdoptUsKids. It is very sad that you had to inquire about so many children and sibling groups to find them, but I’m glad that you found your sons. Congratulations!
Thank you for encouraging everyone to inquire about all of the children they are interested in. That approach is a very important tool in finding the child or children that families will adopt from foster care.
You mentioned that a case worker notified your family that you were not selected for a child before reading your homestudy. After children’s case workers have registered with our website, they are able to read the information that families included in their registrations (when the families applied to register with AdoptUsKids.org). That is probably how the case worker received the information that s/he needed to notify your family that you had not been selected.
Unfortunately, many case workers do not save time for families by reading the registration information that the family has provided before the family has sent their homestudy. If more case workers did this, then families would send fewer homestudies out. Since you sounded surprised that this happened, it sounds to me like very few case workers have used this option when receiving your inquiries. I am very sorry to hear that.
Children’s case workers, child-specific recruiters and state adoption exchanges update children’s photolistings because they are the ones who interact with the children. AdoptUsKids does not make those changes. This includes changing a photolisting’s status from “active” to “placed” or “hold, pending placement” when a family has been found for a child.
Thank you for notifying me that it took five months for your sons’ photolisting to be edited. That is completely unfair to families – both your family and the families who were probably interested in your sons. It sounds like this has already been corrected for the photolisting for your sons, but, if you learn about any other photolistings on AdoptUsKids.org which should be edited because the children have found a home, please let me know at 1-888-200-4005 or at info@adoptuskids.org. I would appreciate the information so that we can follow-up about the problem.
I just wanted to say this again – congratulations on your adoption!!
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids
Hi All-Chmae here
I am the person who posted on the 19th telling the number of inquiries that I have done as well as the incident where I was "rejected" before my home study was read. Thanks Elizabeth for the information as it really didnt occur to me that the scenario you presented is the reason I was excluded before the home study was sent. In fact, you are correct in that caseworkers could definitely lighten their loads when it comes to reading studies by using this tool you provide for them. Not to mention all the time it would save for adotpion workers sending out studies and the number of trees it would save!!! And, before I go any farther, I have to say to all of the staff from AdoptUsKids that "YOU ROCK"!!
To the person who asked, I am female and dont feel I have ever been rejected based on that but I am older and single and believe that has much to do with it. Nor have I ever been questioned as to my preferences as to male of female children. Many times I have been questioned as to whether or not being single I am able to "handle" the children.
There are some fine lines that have to be walked in this process and sometimes one feels like there is no solution. I once was being considered for children who on initial information thought would fit in but wanted some time to really think it through before I committed. This hesitation on my part was seen as a negative rather than me being responsible and caring enough to be sure that it would work. The caseworker let me know in no uncertain terms that my hesitation was the end of the discussion. Or the caseworker that tried to convince me that a sib group I was intereseted in, having two sibs already sexually perpetrating other sibs, was "over it" and it hadnt happened in a "quite some time". When I questioned what "quite some time" meant it was just a matter of a little over 2 months and the children had been seperated.
I was not complaining nor did it upset me that I was turned down for children before my home study was read. I have developed "thick skin" throughout this process and actually thought it was a bit humorous. Nor was I complaining about the number of inquiries that I have made and the lack of responses. I pride myself on being flexible concerning the number of children, the sex of the children and types of issues I am willing to consider when adopting children.
I knew when I started this process that my age as well as being single would not be helpful to me, particularly if I was interested in younger children. It is the nature of the beast, so to speak, and one simply has to work around it or wait until a worker out there is able to see past those two issues and look at me for the experience and dedication that I have for these children.
I dont see the number of inquiries that I have made as unusual as I have talked to many, many people who in fact strive, as I do, to get their study out there for consideration. It seems that when the human factor plays into anything then personal preferences and biases also play into it.
The more workers that read my study the more likely it is that I will in fact be noticed. The more workers who read my study the more
likely it is that I will mesh with one of them on a more personal level and "fit" their idea of a match. I know many people and associate with many that do the same thing that I do so to me it seems the standard or "norm" and not that unusual. And while getting my study out there has not resulted in more children being placed with me,(YET)has
lead to some caseworkers contacting me about other children in the system that need homes.
This is a very competitive process and if you have what the system considers a flaw, such as being older, single, single male, gay or whatever, you absolutely NEED to be proactive or you will get no where. And, if you do happen to fit into the not so desirable category, you are often simply put aside and not considered.
I think if I resent anything it is that since I have now adopted and since my preferences are very flexible ( I actually prefer children with issues like MR, Autism, etc) that caseworkers assume that I will take any child regardless of their issues. There are a few issues that I have very specifically stated that I cannot consider yet those are the very children that I get calls about. In fact, I had a caseworker insinuate that considering my age and being single that I couldnt afford to be too picky. I find this offensive for more than one reason. First, if they are looking at the skill and experience level it takes to raise children with very special needs and I state that I am not equipped to deal with that type of issue, why would they attempt to change my mind? If I am capable of dealing with a severe child then would not a less severe child fit? I am fortunate that I am very able to determine what I can and cannot deal with and I stick to my guns on that. I would never agree to take a child for any other reason than I felt that I am totally capable of providing that child a loving and well adjusted home. I was offered a child who would not have been able to participate in events we do as a family, like car races and camping and when I had mentioned to the worker this just would not be fair to my other children she suggested that there was always the option of sending the child on respite when we did these things. To some that might indeed sound okay but I was horrified. I have no intention of bringing another child into our family that could not fully participate and enjoy what family life offers. There is nothing wrong with respite services, they are valuable and much needed, but to suggest that I send a child away every time the family has a special event is just ridiculous. I have many times felt as if I wasnt good enough for the caseworker to be considered for the child I had inquired about yet they would offer me a child that was very difficult to place. It is frightening to me to think there are caseworkers out there who have children on their caseloads that are so difficult to place that they would allow the child to be placed with someone who is hesitant and unsure simply to get the child placed. This seems to me a sure recipe for disruption. It also seems to me that children with severe medical needs, are non-verbal and totally helpless would be more subject to neglect and abuse than one who could in fact speak up as to the care they are receiving. Pushing to place a child with that type of issue with a person(s) who have stated that they dont think they can deal with the issues is just irresponsible and setting the child up for a bad road ahead. So, many times I have encountered a worker who will not take my word for what I CAN handle but will push when I specifically state I CANNOT.
I do agree that caseworkers for the most part are overloaded and quite possibly unable to keep up with their caseload. This is unfortunate and only hurts the children. It is also one of the big faults in our system that seems so easy to change. Take some of the funds and hire more people. Take some time to look at your current system and reorganize so that it takes the burden off of some of the caseworkers. This is why I had stated previously that I would love to see caseworkers responding and posting on this site. As taxpayers and adoptive families working in the system, if we knew what the problems were, we could quite possibly start a campaign to initiate changes and make your jobs easier. Sometimes all it takes is the correct statement to be made to the right politician before a situation is considered and changes made. It is not always that easy, but it can be done. Being on the "outside" and not knowing what the issues truly are, we have no way of knowing what we can do to assist. We all have the same goal, to find permanent homes for children and to provide them with a loving family. It seems that we should all be working together vs against each other.
I guess when posting for now on I should definitely not go anonymous but use Chmae so that all of you out there who have read my previous comments realize it is coming from me. I think sometimes I just forget. I do my best to stay positive and be helpful, and some of you have stated that information I have posted in the past has in fact been helpful and I appreciate the feed back.
Another person who has taken a great interest in changing the system is Char. She has sent letter after letter and done so much research as to the system and the changes that need to be made. It does take some extra time and effort to do this so I would hope that anyone out there who in fact has a little time might join in the effort to see that the needs of the children are better met. Anyone who would like to contact me is welcome to email Kate and request an exchange in email addresses so that we can communicate concerning the issues. I am always glad to respond and let others know what I am doing to help initiate changes.
In the meantime, we have to try to keep in mind that while we may not think placements are happening quickly enough they are happening and children are finding their forever homes. We need to support the people who are in fact on the other side of us and assist them in anyway possible to see that this continues. It is unfortunate that it seems always to be the negative and inept caseworkers and their comments that stick in our minds as I am sure there are many more good, decent workers out there who in fact do attempt to make the best placement possible for the chlidren on their caseloads. To all the caseworkers out there who are in fact working hard and are dedicated, thanks. You are doing a great service to the children in the system and making many families happy.
Chmae
To Elizabeth Brescia:
I have never been rejected prior to sending my home study regarding a child listed on AdoptUsKids, but I've many times been rejected - and even ignored - after I or my worker went through the time and expense of sending it. Therefore, it seems that very few workers are reading the family registration information.
My husband and I are so frustrated. We have been trying for well over a year now to find a child to adopt. We have sent out probably 20 homestudies (my social worker keeps count j/k) and each time it comes back we are not a match. I am just really frustrated and you hear all these comments that there are 140,000 children in foster care waiting for families but here we are waiting for them. I know it appears I am just venting but we are using our local city agency to adopt and I just feel we get no where with them and no where with adoptuskids.
Hi all:
I was offered two sibling groups much older than the ones I requested and I turned them down. The first sibling grp was 11 (girl) and 13 (boy) which was problematic because I currently only have two bedrooms and agencies require that each child have his/her own room. The second sibling grp was recently offered to me. The boy (6 yrs) was listed first with the comment that his younger sister "may also be available soon." I don't know what that means in SW speak, so I turned them down too. My research is also enabling me to read between the lines the words used by SW's. For example, the boy in the second sibling grp was described as "having a good appetite," which in the books I've read means that he may hoard or steal food because of previous neglect. There were some other terms used by the foster parents to describe him such as "gentle" and "able to be around animals and younger children," but I'm wary of positive evaluations from foster parents who have had a child for more than half the time he has been in foster care but who don't want to adopt him. I hope that my refusal to take these two grps won't hurt my chances. I just would like to get as close as possible to the age range I want because a room in my house is set up for an infant and/or a toddler. I am also distrustful of most SW's because of their tendency to minimize a child's problems. I'd like to know the truth so that I can make an informed decision about whether to take the child and I don't like unpleasant surprises. When the SW's specialize in manipulation and deception, they hurt the child's chances of being either fostered or adopted. I also don't want to take a child and have to return him or her in 30 days like he or she is a commodity item. I also don't want to be responsible for causing unnecessary damage, so I'd rather say no and take my chances. I've been waiting 11 months for another placement and I know that this is the time of year for children to be placed, so I'm willing to wait a while longer. I believe that the sibling grp for me will be placed in my home very soon. Char
Hi Char
I can tell you my experiences with one sib being available and the other might in the future. One scenario is that the child may have a different father than the other thus there may be paternal resources available that need to be evaluated before placing the child in a non-relative home. Another could be that (and this does happen) there are instances where there are sibs living in the household together and for some reason or the other only one child is singled out and abused by the parent(s). I often wonder why not all children would be removed from an abusive situation even if only one was abused or neglected but it does happen. It may also be that there are family resources for one sib and not the other. Unfortunately, we even see that at times with children in foster care. I have read several narratives that state the foster parents would like to adopt one of the siblings and not the other. On the other hand, it could be that the other sib that is not yet being placed is in a higher level of care for therapeutic reasons and not yet evaluated or ready to be placed in an adoptive home. I spoke with one caseworker with a large sib group who told me that if I took the group I would need to remain open to taking a sib that hadnt been born yet but as soon as the child was born it was being removed from the parents. So there could be many reasons for it and before I would turn down a child for that specific reason I would suggest that you ask the caseworker for specifics.
When I first started this process I was worried also that turning down a group would look bad for me. I have found that for the most part, workers would prefer this to one agreeing to take children they do not feel able to parent. I think most caseworkers respect this type of decision rather than see it as a negative if only because it would thwart a possible disruption for their children.
All of these kids will be coming with some "baggage" simply because something happened that they were removed from their parents for some extreme reason. Hoarding food is not uncommon with a lot of these kids. With some time and patience that can be easily overcome. I had a foster child in my home for about 2 1/2 years who was food deprived and he hoarded and while it took almost a year to overcome, we did do so. I realized he wasnt hungry but just wanted to know that there would be food there when he wanted it again so I started placing a package of wrapped crackers in his room with him at night and at first the crackers were always gone in the morning but eventually we did get to the point where the crackers just stayed in his room without being eaten. He just needed to learn that there would be food there when he wanted it. It might not the solution for all the kids but something that is no big deal and definitely worth a try.
I think you are right about learning to read between the lines in some of the narratives. Such as the phrase "constant supervision". In a child who has Autism or is MR or DD I would not see this as a red flag due to the functioning level of a child with these special needs. However, if the child is presented as "normal" ( I hate that word!!!) other than that phrase, I would definitely wonder. But again, dont let that be a deterent. The way the system is set up, before you totally commit, you should receive for review a very thorough and complete profile on the child. I have recieved rather extensive profiles for children before I thought I was even seriously considered as the resource. I have also found that for the most part, if there are very serious issues with the child caseworkers will send the profile to you so that you can decide based on that information whether or not you even want to be considered for the child. Just recently I have had that happen. Caseworkers for the most part really do want to see the child placed in the right home.
If my intuition tells me there is more to this child, I dont hesitate to request additional information and will make a list of questions that I would like addressed.
I think we have to remember the mindset of the workers also. If a child's issues are only hoarding food, bedwetting and intermittent temper tantrums, to a caseworker that may be downplayed and considered only minor issues compared to what other children's issues are. My 4 year old son will "hoard" food but it turns out it is only junk food, which I limit, one of my bio sons was "normal" except that he, like millions of other children, ocassionally wet the bed until he was a little over 12 and my 2 1/2 yr old grandson who I have basically raised has temper tantrums at times. Some of the issues these children are dealing with are no different than issues we would be dealing with if they were our bio children that we had raised from birth.
Any of you out there who are unsure what is "normal" and what is not have resources available to answer those questions. I think I had mentioned before that my pediatrician has given me advice as to a specific condition with a child as well as a psychologist that I have known for many years. And, research. I saw this horribly long medical term for this "condition" a child had and it turned out to be something rather minor and nothing that was life threatening or harmful.
Once you have been in this process and find friends and acquaintances who have adopted, you will find yourself with unending resources for information and assistance. There is always this blog. Kate, I know your people are busy but maybe we need a category so that adoptive parents can ask and give helpful tips based on their own experiences when it comes to dealing with issues with children. (I know you just love it when I make suggestions to add to your already overloaded list of things to do!!! LOL) Sometimes, the simplest of ideas, like the crackers in the bedroom at night, work!!!!
Char- before I brought home my boys from OR I received in the mail a HUGE binder of their entire case history, including psych evals, medical history, etc etc to read. I pretty much knew them inside and out before they arrived. By law, all that information has to be given to you before placement thus allowing you the time to read it, reflect on it and even have a third party go over it with you. You dont have to depend just on the word of the caseworker. And while there are times I have found that caseworkers are unresponsive to inquiries and even rude, I have only ever had one instance that I recall that all information was not disclosed and quite honestly, it was a medical thing and the worker was as unaware of it as I was. I would not have known to ask the question had it not been for the pediatrician.
So to all of you, yes it is wise to see the red flags and read between the lines but dont read way to much into a statement either. It might be a red flag, it might be something serious but the only way to know for sure is to make further inquiries.
Chmae
Hi,
This is Elizabeth Brescia of AdoptUsKids again. Thank you for letting me know. Reviewing the family’s information before requesting their homestudy is optional, so the only way that we can know if case workers for children are using that option is from families like you. I appreciate the information.
If you have any other questions about AdoptUsKids.org, please let me know.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids is available at 1-888-200-4005 and info@adoptuskids.org
We, too, are feeling the frustrations to this. We had our homestudy done in February. We REALLY thought that we would have had a "bite" by now on it. We are active duty US Air Force, have a 5 bedroom house, huge yard, financially stable, (we do, have 3 kids of our own already, and I am starting to wonder if this is what is causing us problems?) and...get this...we hardly have ANY criteria. We would actually LOVE a large sibling group. Other than that, we are open to practically anything. We would LIKE a girl around 4-8 years of age, so she can be compatible with our bio daughter. That's about it when it comes to requests.
We have checked "moderate" when it comes to everything else. The only things that we want to stay away from are previous/ current sexual behavior or previous/current physical anger towards others.
We are shocked that we honestly haven't had people beating down our door! With such a wide range of "criteria"...why haven't we heard anything?
I just want to thank everyone especially Chmae for all of your positive comments. I have been trying for 3 yrs to adopt and like you have sent my homestudy out for about 200+ children with no response. Reading your positive comments made me snap out of my "pity party" and realize this maybe my purpose in life!
I took a break from adoptuskids and now back with a renewed attitude. I inquired about a sibling group yesterday and for the first time got a response that the worker stated "she was interested in learning more about my family" and to send our homestudy.
I don't know if that is a general response a worker can send or if she read our profile and really is interested in our family.
I will continue to inquire about as many children as possible...
Thanks everyone for giving me the "kick in the pants".
Hi! Great advice to give to those who are attempting to do something wonderful in the lives of a child or children listed on the AdoptUSkids site or other sites. We followed your advice and stayed very proactive. It certainly paid off as we have been paired with a couple of wonderful little boys. We joined the AdoptUSKids site shortly after the new year. We were selected as their adoptive family on May 6th and we brought our new sons home on June 13th. Sure there have been ups and downs and every day brings with it something new but usually some FANTASTIC improvement.
We ONLY wanted a larger sibling group OR an infant. We were confident that those were the only two options we would EVER consider. What we found instead were the absolute most precious little boys from the other side of the country. I am a woman of faith and I do believe God placed these children in our home.
For those of you who are having a difficult time with the various states...I do recommend that you search in the NW US. You can also view those children specific to the Northwest on the NWAE. Please don't give up!! We almost did but I'm so glad we didn't. We will be adding to our family even further in the future. THANKS AdoptUSkids!
To Air Force
Please keep in mind it is not YOU that is a problem!! Please dont get discouraged. You said your home study was completed in Feb. and considering this process, that is not a long time to have been waiting.
I am in PA and have been in the process for very close to 3 years now. The first agency I was with talked me into doing foster to adopt and I had seriously considered just giving up until I found my current worker and agency, Sanctuary House of Chambersburg. I feel like I wasted the first year of my search with the other agency and while I havent been with them for 2 years now it still sometimes angers me a little that all that time was wasted. It turned out that the agency I was with, while it did do foster to adopt, they did not do active matching nor did they do out of state placements. The only adoptions I am aware that they have ever done was with children who came into their foster program and were adopted by the foster parents. And though I am no longer "kicking" myself over this, I did not take the time to educate myself and research all of my facts, if I had the time spent with the other agency would have been much less.
I have 4 bio children, all grown with one remaining at home. I have worked in the MH/MR field, mostly with children, for the majority of my adult life and in the past did regular and therapeutic foster care for many years. I feel VERY equipped to deal with children with a vast array of needs and know that I am dedicated and could provide a great home to the waiting kids out there. Like you, I thought at first people would be beating my door down to send kids my way. I have learned it just doesnt work that way. And, like you, I am willing and able to take a many different types of children of any age or sex. The only type of children I cannot take are the same as yours, those who have sexually acted out, those who are extremely physically agressive and those requiring nursing type care. Those limitations are not necessarily mine, but the concerns I have for my children who are at home and for my young grandchildren, one of which spends much time with me.
After switching agencies it seems that my leads became more in numbers as well as quality. And a little over a year ago I was finally selected for a sib group of two brothers who have since been finalized. During that time my adoption worker, who maybe knows me better than I know myself, placed a child with me for foster care (he was legally free and had just disrupted for the second time from an adoptive placement. He fit so well into our family that I am in the process of finalizing with him. They are great kids and I am blessed to have found them, but I am not done yet. I have room in my home as well in my heart and our family for a couple of more children and have been looking for months now. My boys are worth every bit of aggravation and frustration that I have gone through over the past three years and I would definitely do it all over again.
The difference between now and then is that this time around, I am able to say to myself "when it happens" and not like I did before my boys were placed with me, wondering "IF it ever happens". I will find the children I am looking for and they will be a welcome and wonderful addition to our family. I am a true believer in fate and live by the rule that when I find my children it is because it was "meant to be".
Again, I would like to remind everyone that this process is similar to looking for a job. You have a resume' as well as a lot of competition. Just like every business operates a little differently, each state does so also. In some cases, like PA, all 67 counties have their own agenda and operate differently than the others. One big difference is that with your resume you are in charge of actually writing it!! While you may not write your own home study you should be able to review it and make suggestions to your worker as to what should be included. Someone commented recently to the effect that your home study is a reflection of your life and with time your adoption worker should become very involved with your family and end up being someone you would invite to a reunion. A good adoption worker should be open to your suggestions and if there is something that he/she does not think should be included in your study, there should be a reasonable explanation for that. Be your own advocate and sell yourself.
Unfortunately, for those of us in the process that are strictly doing adoption, the available children are limited as well as most come with some pretty severe baggage. Sexual abuse issues as well as aggression are common place among the children in the system and they are the kids who are lingering and difficult to place. I dont mean this to sound negative but children with few issues, especially who are younger, are being adopted by the foster parents. This leaves much less of a pool of children for those of us who are not in foster to adopt programs. I understand that some states only do foster to adopt for adoption purposes. I, personally, chose the adoption only route because with the foster care I was finding it more and more emotionally difficult when the children left my home. I just didnt want to give them back. Also, agencies tend to place within their own organizations. In other words, there may be a foster parent who does not want to adopt a particular child, but if an agency has another foster parent who is interested, the advantage goes to them. It is just the way the system works.
In the beginning I also had the tendency to inquire and get my mind stuck on a particular child or sib group. I have learned that is a huge mistake. When you do the inquiry, sure there is something about these particular children that draw you in, but at this point in time, while you may feel for them as I do all the kids in the system, you dont have a relationship with them as yet, in fact you have never met them. It is important to find a way to distance yourself from the personal aspect of the photos and keep in mind that there are probably dozens of other families who are also showing an interest.
Are you actively searching the web sites for children or are you leaving that up to your worker? Are you inquiring about one child at a time rather than as many as you think might be a match? Many times workers dont have the time to spend actively searching out children who meet your criteria and there are some who just dont bother unless a child comes across their desk and seems like it might match with your family. And, keep in mind that adoption workers are working with more than just your family. They may have a dozen of families that have similar preferences that are looking for children.
Again, the first year for me was really tough. I became very frustrated and took almost everything personally. I felt anger, depression, rejection, etc until I really learned the system and realized that I needed to somewhat distance myself from it and not take it personally. Once I found the best way to do that for myself, it became much easier to overlook the faults in the system and stay more leveled out. It is possible to remain optimistic yet be realistic and that is what one needs to find a way to do. One of the many ways I deal is when I do have my little "moments" I try to put things back in perspective and think about my waiting vs the children who are lingering in the system and waiting.
It also helps to know the process and find some statistics, if you are only looking in your state, find your state statistics. I have read some of those statistics of late and found that most foster children available for adoption are in the system for 2+ years before going to a permanent placement. It is not uncommon for TPR ( termination of parental rights) to take a year of 18 months to accomplish. When you consider that except in extreme cases, most parents are afforded 6 months or more to get their act together and have the children returned home to them before the TPR is started, 2 years is not such a long time. This is not the fault of the caseworkers but has to do with the legal process involved in TPR, more the court system than anything else. As soon as the goal for the child becomes adoption they are then listed as available, this has to be done by law, whether it will be another year before they can be placed or not. Confidentiality plays into this as there is certain information that simply cannot be made public for everyone out there to know.
However slow the system might be, there are children being placed. I know of several families personally who have had their kids placed with them over the past year. It was a long process for most of them also.
So while it is a slow process, there are reasons, legitimate reasons, but placements do happen. It is a matter of waiting until the right child comes to the attention of you and your worker as well as the child's caseworker realizing that you are a match. When it does happen, and it will for everyone who doesnt become so frustrated they quit, it is an awesome experience. It is well worth every minute that you will have invested as well as all the aggravation that might have been included. Hang in there and keep looking.
Chmae
We are actively looking in almost every state. We are from NC, so I am TRYING to stay on this side of the country...basically east of nebraska. The reason? I thought that we would have visits required of us, and traveling across the country just isn't in our checkbook. But, I gave it a shot and inquired about a few from Northwest adoption exchange yesterday. WE go off of adoptuskids site as well as individual sights of each state. I think we have inquired to around 50 or so children/ cases so far. I am trying to stay on top of it more now too. I wrote our case worker and asked her for a complete list of those cases that we had inquired about, and when the last time was that she had any contact/ follow up with them. I am not very good at keeping tabs on her, I must admit. I think she sends the homestudies out and then moves on. So, I am taking matters into my own hands too. I am hoping to call all of the cases that are still active and touch base with them.
As for foster-adopt....we used to foster for our county, but had nothing but bad experiences. from the workers, NOT the kids. We took a couple of years off, and when i called back this winter and said that we wanted to get re-licensed and start up, and that we were definitely leaning towards adoption, they got offended. They "weren't going to waste their time licensing us, JUST so we could go to another state and adopt." ouch. They refused to relicense us. We don't have anything against NC, we just were looking for a sibling group that fit us, and they didn't have any. Also, NC has a rule of how many kids you can have. The most we could "qualify" for would be 2.
I am also wondering...I have decided to homeschool our 6 year old this year...should I have this updated in my adoptuskids profile and our homestudy? Is that a big deal you think? Maybe a point in our favor?
Thanks,
USAF wife
Hi Helen - I want to thank you for the great explanation you provided in regards to posting adoptive homestudies on line. In addition to the reasons you clearly stated, how safe would it be to post a homestudy on-line even if a username and password were assigned? Adoptive homestudies can include a lot of detailed, sensitive information, and if this information got into the wrong hands, it could create a new wave of identity theft. I also wonder how HIPAA interfaces with this issue....
Over the past year, our agency has recognized a growing trend - homestudy submission via email. I again question the safety of this practice and request that homestudies be submitted by snail mail or fax.
Prospective adoptive families, how do you feel about your adoptive homestudy being emailed to agency?
Thanks
Beverley Smith
North Carolina RRT
Dear USAF wife:
I am contacting you from the North Carolina RRT. I am sorry to hear about your experience with the licensing agency. You do have a couple of options to address this issue:
1. You can follow the chain of command and speak to someone else within this agency (supervisor, program director, DSS director, child program representative, etc.) about your particular experience and concerns (refusal to re-license and unsupportive staff, etc.). My concern is that we do not know if other prospective families are receiving the same treatment from this agency. If so, this will negatively impact the retention of resource families to serve our waiting youth.
2. You can also contact North Carolina’s licensing unit to discuss your particular concerns and experiences with this agency. The licensing unit can also provide you with additional information on the capacity issue (number of children in the home) and when waivers are appropriate.
3. You also have the option of choosing another licensing agency.
If you are planning to home school this year, I would recommend talking to your caseworker about updating your adoptive homestudy to reflect this change. This information may be significant to caseworkers when trying to match a child or sibling group to your family.
If you have any additional questions or need any further advice, feel free to post on the blog again or contact the NC RRT directly. Good luck with your search. Best wishes.
The question of sending my homestudy via email makes me nervous only because in Colorado it includes EVERYTHING. My entire life, my sexual life with my spouse, my financial life, my health, etc... so in case some weirdo gets my info, I would rather wait 5 days for it to be mailed 'snail mail' or faxed. But that is simply my preference. I realize that I shop online, and such, including blogging on this site, but... would be curious how other families feel? Chmae my whole family lives in Chambersburg and I'm in Colorado. What a small world. Happy Adopting all!!
I didn't have a chance to reply to everything, but I did notice a comment about 'not trusting positive comments from a foster family who doesn't want to adopt them'. I wish to respond to that. As a fost-adopt home, we have had MANY children who are highly adoptable, considered 'normal' whom we did not adopt. Why? Each one was different. One was a girl who was our son's age and they simply did not get along. Sibling rivalry stuff, but since he's got autism, I have already dedicated myself to him through his adoption, it would not be fair to adopt another child that would not be a high quality fit. That isn't fair to her. In the end she was adopted by a classmate at school, we see her daily and everything is wonderful. She and my son still see eachother everyday, and she's getting her needs met in her home and he's getting his. I didn't lie about her. I didn't sugar coat things, with comments like 'healthy appetite'. Most of us foster parents, either fost-adopt know EXACTLY what we are looking for in an adoptive situation. Meaning, we will pass on a child who is perfect for you, because it isn't what we think is the best for us. But taking our word is your best bet in a lot of cases, as this child lives in my home 24/7. Not the caseworkers. I take care of the runny nose, the scraped knee, the sad face, the holidays. And sometimes, I only take care of them for a couple months, yet I can tell you more about them than their caseworker who was assigned at the same time. Why? Because I only have 5-7 kids in my home, and they have upwards of 40 on their caseload. So don't dismiss a foster parents comments, and don't assume we are saying they are great, but lying because our actions don't show us adopting them. If you are curious, ask. I would tell you exactly why they aren't a match for us. Some of my other children are too young. I don't want any more toddlers to raise forever. But to foster until that home comes, I'm in!! Some, I wanted a different sex child, different age, etc.. just like you know what you want, I do too. So please let us help you. We are fostering these children until they become yours forever. We are here to help!! :)
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