November is National Adoption Month, a month set aside to raise awareness about the adoption of children from foster care. This year's theme of adopting teens from foster care builds on the Ad Council's public service announcement (PSA) campaign "You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. There are thousands of teens in foster care who would love to put up with you!" Find out more about National Adoption Month celebrations in your state at the Child Welfare Information Gateway website.
If you have questions, contact us at info@adoptuskids.org.
Friday, October 10, 2008
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One Church, One Child are holding a match reception, Thursday, October 30th, 6 30pm - 8 30pm at Williamsburg, Va for those of you that haven't been informed. This is the only adoption event that I am aware of in Virginia but would be happy to hear of any more if anyone has more information on events for "National Adoption month" in Va.
I wish my state did something like that. I've asked and no one has even heard of things like that!
It would be wonderful if all of us waiting for the placement of a child at this time could get that girl/boy this month! I know it would be just the tip of the children who need homes but it is a start. I will be thinking of each parent looking for a match. And hoping our 'forever' children come home soon!
Montgomery County (Philly area) in PA is hosting a matching event on November 18th 4:30-7:00 pm. Lehigh County (Allentown area) is hosting a press conference for awareness on the same day at 11:30am. Most counties are having a press conference or a matching event as well - contact your local County agency to ask what they are doing in celebration!
we have adopted 2 girls, and are very excited to adopt another sibling group. there is no greater love than a child who needs a home , or someone to love them ,and both of these are one great reason to adopt an older child. they need us to.
My husband and I have been trying to meet a particular little girl for 9 months. After considerable wrangling, we are meeting her for the first time on Saturday. Coincidentally, that happens to be National Adoption Day. I hope that is a sign of good things to come.
It must be nice to be an adoptive parent, after 8 years and 12 foster children, i do not understand why I do not have any adopted children. I have tried by sending homestudies to different states. I hope some children will come, because we would love to adopt
Adoption month sounds wonderful, my state does not do this either. Also, I have become a little frustrated with the Adoption Process. Any help out there? We are a Therapuetic Foster Family through an agency that only gets the Adoption home studies completed when you have a child in your custody that can be adopted and you want to adopt. We are a family that has specialized medical training and are willing to take a medically fragile child...why can we not get any assistance from our Agency nor our Department of Social Services?
Dave, don't lose hope. The first 4 we adopted came to us as foster children with no goal of adoption. When the goal was changed to adoption we had first right of refusal (Missouri) and chose, in every case to adopt. Now we are slowly working toward adopting three boys who have not been foster children. This journey has taken us many many months and we still have only been able to chat with the children over the phone. Keep trying, there are children out there for you.
It doesn't seem to me that advertising of any sort is worth the trouble...considering how many people are waiting for children. It's hard to believe that the children waiting wouldn't be better off with these families. Surely somebody matches them!! It just makes no sense to me!
We're nearing the end of November, and hoping to soon officially meet our prospective daughter. We are in MN and our homestudy was complete Feb 08. In early Sept, our social worker told us about a 12 yr old MN girl needing a family. About a week later I was able to speak by phone with the girl's social worker for almost an hour. She gave me more info yet also said they hadn't decided on a family yet. We were told that the girl would be at an adoption event and we are invited to come and see her along with other waiting children, as long as we didn't let the children know which one we were specifically interested in. We went to the event at the end of Sept. and REALLY enjoyed the opportunity to see the waiting kids in person! We had read about many of them on the MN site and it was awesome to get to see them in action at the event! That week we also met with the girl's workers to learn more about each other and they gave us a video of her they had made in the summer. In mid October the workers finally decided to move forward with our family and we were able to meet in person with the girl's therapist, past teacher, and fostermom. I was disappointed with the therapist, I had hoped to learn more about the girl's emotional and developmental needs, what therapy and meds she'll need, and what would help her transition. Instead the therapist seemed to spend almost the whole time talking about the fact that we are a white rural family wanting to adopt an African American city girl. Anyway, we decided not to let the opinion of one person discourage us. We told our social worker we'd like to move forward toward adopting the girl. The next week we mailed a scrapbook photo album for the workers to give to the girl when they tell her about us, which was supposed to be that week. When they got the album, they then told us that the fostermom said she wants to adopt the girl!! Which normally should be a good thing, but after getting so far into the adoption process... It turns out that they had asked the fostermom earlier this year if she planned to adopt and she said no, so they had her sign a form stating that. We then had to wait until the court hearing November 20, where the workers told the judge the progress that had been made toward adoption for her. I don't know all of the details they discussed, but they say it went well and we are now moving forward again. In the next week (or two, because of Thanksgiving) they plan to tell the girl about us, and would then like us to come officially meet her soon after. They still haven't told us how many or often our visits will be. And still don't know when she may be placed in our home, but we are excited that we may soon get to see her again after nearly 2 months!!
We are foster/adoptive parents in Iowa. If any workers from Iowa are checking this site- we would LOVE to have meet and greet events here in Iowa. It would be great to meet children available for adoption. Or even a meet and greet where the potential parents could meet the adoption workers in the area.
My Adoption Choice
I was alone in my bathroom. The walls were painted white and the floor was an off-white laminate tile. The feel of the room, as well as, my bare feet made the room seem all the more cold. And there, lying on that small apartment sized counter were the results of my pregnancy test. The short, white stick had a small pink line reflecting my results.
It seemed to turn into a sullen, disappointed face looking back at me, as if to say, “Shame on you. You did it again.”
It was true. At age twenty two, this was the second time I had irresponsibly brought a child into this world. I wasn’t careful. I was a lonely girl, thirsty for love. I was created as a valuable treasure, yet didn’t know it.
Now, as the reality of my situation and the consequence of my sin overwhelmed me, my whole being seemed to flood with anxiety. Waves of shame and fear moved through me like powerful ocean waves engulfing a shore. My thoughts and my heart raced as I frantically tried to find a solution to my desperate situation.
Because of my beliefs and personal convictions about life, I had never thought that abortion was an option. Yet, thoughts of an easy way out of a terrible situation flooded my mind.
Three achingly long weeks passed. And during those lonely days and sleepless nights, I would often think about placing my baby for adoption. But, because I was uneducated about the subject, I would quickly dismiss it. I didn’t think I could handle the weight of giving my baby away. Television talk shows made it seem so negative and disastrous.
As I turned back toward my faith, I drew closer to God for guidance and direction. I felt impressed to answer these questions of myself: As a single mother, could I handle raising another child alone? Is it fair to my current son or to the new baby if I tried? Are my feelings holding me back from making the right choice? &, Are my fears of other’s opinions holding me back?
One day I reluctantly told my close friend about my decision. She informed me of a young girl, Sarah, attending our church, who had just placed her baby. She recommended I talk to her.
I was anxious to hear Sarah’s story and, it seemed, Sarah was excited to tell it. She and her mother, came to my small apartment to share their experience, and their tears, with me. When they left and I closed the door behind them, I whispered a thank you prayer to God. I finally had the answer I needed. I was ready to proceed with adoption plans.
The next day, I made a call Nebraska Children’s Home. I met, that day, a woman named Deb. For the next several months, Deb would become my mentor and friend, and, eventually, the kind of counselor I would like to become after I receive my masters in Social Work.
Deb educated me on the different types of adoption, which are as follows: Open, semi-open and closed. I chose semi-open. It seemed to be an appropriate balance to the journey of picking the parents I thought would best raise my baby, receiving updates on him as he grows and, yet, keeping a healthy distance so that he would never feel uncomfortable in any way. I also found that these steps helped me process my grief most efficiently.
During my meetings with Deb, I would read about my choices for couples waiting to adopt. I would see their pictures, read their answers on their questionnaires and carefully consider who would be the best choice for my child.
I finally chose L. and T. I was drawn to them because of their faith, their sense of humor and the way they spoke about each other; I could tell they were really in love.
The time finally came when my little boy miraculously came in to this world. And, for a brief moment, he was mine. I had the privilege to give him the first name he would receive. I picked one that had great meaning and reflected the way I felt about him. His first name was J., meaning “a gift from God” and his middle name meant “beloved”.
For three incredible days I was his mother. And during that time, I dealt with the emotional highs and lows of saying, “hello” to a baby I would soon have to say, “goodbye” to.
He had so much beautiful, black hair. I cut a small locket for my own scrapbook.
I would hold this soft, warm bundle close, & feel his heart beat. He smelled so sweet. Of all the aromas of the most beautiful flowers and perfumes, his sent was by far the loveliest. I would inhale deeply and treasure the moments we had together alone. My heart overflowed with that unexplainable love a mother feels when she holds her baby for the first time. But, I also felt the paralyzing agony a mother feels when she is about to lose that baby she loves so deeply.
It was August 15, 1993 and I can still remember how the sun shone so brightly through the window of my room on the east side of the hospital. I hated the sun that day. But, looking back, I can see that the bright clear sky was a message of hope for a brighter future. I watched out the window at how small everyone looked going about their business.
I wondered, “Would the world stop if they knew what was happening today?”
As I turned back toward my empty hospital room, all the emotion that had not hit me, finally gripped my heart. I felt faint. And on that day, I felt as though I would rather die, than to lose my baby.
Deb arrived about that time and said, “Well you look good this morning!”
Just then, all that built up energy came bursting out, and I began to weep. She was a comfort to me. I needed a caring friend with me at that moment.
The baby & I were discharged from the hospital & around 10:30am, Deb drove us toward NCH. The drive seemed too short. My tears continued to flow like an endless stream from the deepest ocean.
In my memory, I held my son close to my chest the entire drive. But, months later, while speaking to a group of couples waiting to adopt for the first time, I realized my memory was incorrect when Deb told me that the baby was actually strapped in the car seat. But, that’s not how I remember it…
The car pulled into the small parking lot on the south side of the building.
As it did, I said to Deb, “I can’t just walk in there & hand him over.”
Deb looked at me with a look that seemed to say, “You didn’t change your mind, did you?”
I assured her that I was still confident in my decision; I just needed more time.
Deb replied, “That’s ok. Let’s go in thru the back door, into my basement office. You can sit there until you’re ready; I’ll let L. & T. know.”
Her office was small and rectangular with barely enough room to turn around in. She offered me a chair & it felt good to be able to sit down with my baby. I rest there with my eyes closed; warm tears quietly streaming down my cheeks, wondering when I would feel confident enough to walk upstairs.
The next voice I heard was the soft & gentle voice of my Pastor, Kenny.
He simply said, “I’m going to sit with you.”
& he did. Quietly & patiently he waited. Everyone waited. & at just the right moment, Pastor Kenny began to pray for me. As he did, a peace began to fill my heart like I had never experienced before. I felt as if God had just wrapped His arms around me.
I was then ready to go upstairs. As we did, the thought of this being the last time I would hold my baby filled my mind. I felt as though I was in a dream, trying to get to a door at the end of a long narrow hallway; the floors are slanted, the room is twisted & the door at the end seems continuously out of reach.
Here we were, standing at the French doors to the room I had been in so many times before. It was my favorite. I had requested it for this day. The design & structure of the room was like that of an old colonial home. Furniture, like that of the eighteen hundreds, graced this room which was trimmed with wide, oak moldings & a fireplace.
When L. & T. saw me come in, they stood up from the sofa & quickly moved toward me, meeting me half way across the room. I could hear them sobbing under the arms that embraced me. I loved that they waited for me to hand him to them. They never made a move to take him from my arms. I kissed my baby the last kiss I would give him as his mother & placed him in the longing arms of his new mother. & again, it seemed another wave of incomprehensible peace came over me.
During our time in that room, Pastor Kenny shared about how the Bible speaks of adoption. He said that it was customary for the adopted child to receive the same inheritance as the first born. That spoken word made me feel a sense of relief. I had thought that God must have been so disappointed in me.
He also said, “I’m thinking of a song, but I can’t remember all the words.”
He began to sing some of it, when Sarah’s mom, so elegantly & poetically finished it. There were no instruments, no backup singers, just simply her beautiful voice singing this beautiful song. L. broke down weeping uncontrollably as his emotions overtook him. & in response, everyone in the room wept, as well.
T. said it best when she said, "This is a bittersweet day, because out of your grief came our happiness.”
I have never regretted my decision to place my baby for adoption. My choice wasn’t based on my emotions. I didn’t “get rid of” or “run away from” my responsibility. I took responsibility to love my child enough to give him a chance to live & struggle & succeed in the most nurturing environment possible.
Since the day I placed J, whose name is now M, I have been able to reunite with his family several times. Even play a part in the adoption of their little girl two years later.
Friends have often seen us together & asked, “How do you do it?”
& I tell them, “I know I gave birth to him, but somehow, maybe supernaturally, there is no longer that deep connection. It’s like seeing my friends & their children.”
This is not the end to this story. There are so many opportunities that have branched from this experience. Maybe I’ll write about them another time. But, in closing I would just like to say that, though this may have been the hardest day in this chapter of my life, it produced a hopeful future for many people. I am so proud & honored to be part of something so grand.
From what I understand, TN doesn't have any meet and greet opportunities either. At least the agency we use doesnt.
to Heather MN
You may already have your child with you by now, but I just wanted to say that we too were a small town country family who tried to adopt an 11 year old city girl from another state. She was VERY unhappy with small town life, although initially she thought she would love it. She had never been in such a small town atmoshpere before so she really didn't know what to expect although we told her as much as we could. NOt trying to discourage you in ANY way, just thought that you might want to know that the country mouse/city mouse thing can be huge to some kids.
TO CONTINUE THE DISCUSSIONS ON THIS BLOG . . .
go to the following blogspot:
www.adoptionproblems.blogspot.com
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