The holidays can be an especially difficult time for those who have experienced a loss or disappointment or who are in a time of uncertainty. This is especially true for children who are living in temporary foster care and those who have been adopted and have memories of their families of origin.
Some children in foster care or adopted from foster care have painful memories of having been removed from their families at the beginning of a holiday break from school. There is strong documentation that reports of child abuse and neglect by school officials increase dramatically just before school breaks as caring teachers worry what will happen to their students whose wellbeing they will be able to monitor on a daily basis. Even years later, children who were placed into foster care around the holidays may experience mood swings and anxiety.
Keep these factors in mind this year and in the years to come as you parent a child who may have these memories and seek professional guidance – either by contacting an adoption professional or reading some of the expert guidance that is available.
Likewise, if you have been waiting for a child to join your family, the holiday season may bring disappointment to you. Perhaps you will be sharing a meal or party with others who have fulfilled their dream to adopt. Be aware of your emotions and prepare in advance for difficult questions or situations. Continue to remember that although the process may be longer than you hoped, we are here to support you.
If you have questions about the issues facing children in foster care or the disappointments you may feel, please feel free to contact us at 1-888-200-4005 and we will connect you with your state expert.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
15 comments:
I have been hoping for a match for almost a year now. I had big dreams of having my own "family" this holiday season, it is such a lonely feeling to face another holiday season childless. My extended family is also disappointed in the amount of time this is taking and the lack of support from the agency. My parents are waiting and hoping for the new grandchild just as much as I am. We wanted so much to shower our new addition to the family with all the love and family he/she would need or want. Today I am not much into the holiday spirit, knowing there are so many children out there that need a family and I and my family are here waiting and wanting but unable to receive them. At this point I'm ready to turn the child room into an office space. Its very hard being a single person and going home to an empty house looking at a room set up for a child that you can't find. I'm starting to doubt myself, wondering what is wrong with me that I am not a match for any of these children. If the State isn't going to give me a child I would rather they just say they are not going to give a single person a child than to leave me in this limbo...
Evelyn:
I agree w/what you said in your comments. For more than 2 yrs now, my family & friends have been telling me that I'd make a great parent. Their assessment is based on my personality, my age & maturity level as well as my personal, professional, & educational achievements. But I too have been waiting & waiting & waiting some more. I even changed agencies to get better results. I'm still waiting & I'm still filling out forms online requesting kids. I'd love to get a large sib grp, but I know that some of the SW's involved won't consider my home study because I'm also single & I have a small home. Like you, I've been asking, "What's wrong w/me? Why am I not getting matched w/children?" Luckily, I have my pets (a cat & a dog) who seem to sense that I'm not completely happy this holiday season. Take care. Char
I have been waiting for over two years to adopt. In the state of Illinois where I am from is in a state of chaos due the recent arrest of Govonor Rod Blagojevich after he tried to sell Barach Obama's senate seat.
The state govenment in a stand still so I don't expect any adoption going forward until the govonor is either thrown out of office or gets convicted.
I am thinking of going to graduate school instead of needless waiting an adoption that is likely never happen.
I am not sadden by an empty house around the holidays but from a child welfare system that has shown very little progress in moving these kids toward adoption.
Ditto Ditto and Ditto. Supposedly as adoptive parents we are blessed among the masses but the process is so slow and the lack of communication is extremely frustrating. You would think that anytime a homestudy is approved that you would get phone calls and emails and responses to your inquiries. I could deal with the waiting if there wasn't such an outrageous lack of communication and professionalism. If so many kids need homes why isn't my phone ringing off the hook? With the technology we have available at our fingertips it does not take much time or effort to communication a "Thank you but we are not going to pursue your homestudy at this time". Instead we are in limbo wondering if the homestudy was recieved, wondering if they are interested in talking to us...wondering, wondering, wondering. I don't get it at all. More attention is paid to pets who need homes and the families who want to adopt them than to families who want to adopt children who need homes. Makes no sense.
Is it easier to adopt internationally?
Keep trying! If you have a copy of your homestudy you could e-mail it to the caseworker once you inquire on adoptuskids.com and provide them with your worker's name and phone number for follow up/confirmation. Maybe that would move things along?
Don't give up, your child needs you!
I think the important piece to remember, especially during the holidays, is that despite the challenges, with patience and perseverance a child in need can become part of your family.
I also have an "empty bedroom" awaiting a child to love, but I keep looking! Every week I send my caseworker an updated word document with each child's name/case id #/caseworker contact info. I then follow up and ask what date each home study was sent and if there was a response. This has been extremely helpful to my caseworker. If you only give them names or id #s then they have to put in a lot of extra effort looking things up. I try to make it as easy as possible for my caseworker to get the homestudies out by providing all the information she needs.
Also, you can look at state's other than the state you live in.
still waiting.
just as an update:
-inquired about 2 brothers, and were supposed to find out the week BEFORE Halloween. I called every two weeks since then and continued to leave voicemails and etc. My social worker called every now and then too. I kept getting the same run around, "We didn't have time last week, we'll let you know by Friday." And that's if I even GET a response.
I have since given up. They are still listed on their state's website. How sad. They contacted us too... so it is really frustrating. They contacted our worker, sent profiles to us, we responded within 48 hours of saying yes...and that's it. Never heard from them again.
Next case: The large sibling group of 5 kids. 4 boys ages 8-13, and a girl, age 14. They were in the system for well over a year.. perhaps a year and half. My husband and I finally decided to go for it. We could do it. Those kids have been sitting there too long! So we inquired. That was Oct. 30th. I got response right away, sent in our homestudy, and that's it. Nothing. This blog actually led to some action..so THANKS! but I'm still disapointed in the system. I got a call Wednesday night from a worker. They told me that due to the high volume of interest- (WHOA. HOLD ON. THESE KIDS HAVE BEEN ON THE LISTING FOR OVER A YEAR, AND YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WANT TO ADOPT THESE KIDS AT THE SAME TIME?) Are they just pulling my leg? anyway... they tell me that due to the large number of inquiries, they don't know WHEN I'll get an answer or even IF I'll get an answer. They couldn't even tell me, "if you don't hear from us by ______, then we probably went with someone else." No clue as to what I am supposed to do. One worker told me that they'd let me know by mid January, but I haven't heard from them since mid December.
It's hard around the holidays, for us. We have such a WIDE range of what we will accept, that it's frustrating. The Home for the Holidays special was on, or a newscast would do a special on kids in foster care at age 15,16 or so. My husband just gets angry. We'd take any or all of them in a second. But we are looked down upon because we have an 8 month old. I mean we migh as well deal crack...they consider this infant to be such a handicap for us. It doesn't matter our size of house, income, great referances... anything like that... we won't get a second look. We want a large family, so we figured that we would have some bio kids, and adopt some children as well. Well, the system is taking to so long that if they don't hurry up, we will just have another bio child. We will always, hopefully, have a young child. So the system had better just get used to it.
Those kids have been on the listing for a year and a half...and we STILL aren't good enough for them. Ridiculous. Sorry to be so angry today. It just gets so old. I haven't inquired about any other kids since early November...our hearts just can't take it knowing that there are kids out there, that they would rather have sit in the system than rather be at home with us and a *GASP* infant. We spent so much money on our homestudy, and really had to re-budget to do it. But it was okay... we thought we were doing something really good for kids out there. But, nope. At this rate, it is highly likely that our homestudy will expire before we are given any children. And I highly doubt we will do this again.
I totally understand the feelings here. I, too have been waiting and my wait has been a little over 3 years. I have had my homestudy sent off at least 100 times already. We have been to committee about 5 times and have been told we are a good adoptive resource, yet my dh and I remain childless. We have done a little fostering during these years and each time the children were sent home. For a few of them, I was happy to see their families reunited and doing better. Several others were sent back to the same horrendous situations..
I have often felt like quitting this whole thing because of the limbo and feeling not quite good enough. I have had no luck at all on this site. Many of the same children I have expressed interest in over the years are still listed, some of them having lingered on here for years. So many of us are here with open arms and hearts, yet we often hear nothing back. I am always hearing on TV and radio about the "need for adoptive families." Here we are, and the children still wait.
Well I have looked in EVERY other state and sent in homestudies to EVERY other state and still nothing. Even Alaska and Hawaii...not even knowing how I'll get there. I just trust if my child is there...God will find a way to get me to them.
I also follow up on my homestudies, but it's very hard to get anyone to call you back. There is a certain little boy with special needs that I have inquired on, called about, sent my homestudy in for...starting back in june of 08. They still have not placed him and called me a few weeks ago only because I inquired about him AGAIN b/c he was placed on a heart gallery website. They told me they never recieved my homestudy, although it's been sent more than once. So we sent it AGAIN. This is getting ridiculous....
I wish someone in who can pull strings would read these blogs. It's rediculous to wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's like we don't even exist!!! I waited 2 years for a 12 year old. I can't even tell you how many kids I asked information on. Everyone of them took a piece of me. I don't think our agency really cared about us. We have a clean background, make $110,000 a year, go to church regularly and are under 30. We also had no children, which many older kids need the one on one attention. We are both educated and had several classes in Psychology. I can take off work anytime I need to. I'm not married to my job.
Of all we had to offer, no one would even glance at us. So, don't feel bad if you think they don't want you because your single, they didn't want us either. I'm starting to wonder if it isn't us. Maybe they don't want to lose the children or they'll lose they're employment!
I don't know if any of you are Oregon families, but speaking as Oregon's RRT (Recruitment Response Team member) I do want to let you know that we're here. RRTs around the country have varying levels of influence with their state system, but all of them have access to you - the family - as well as resources and information about the process and system in your state.
Please take the time to request RRT contact from someone in your state. You can find the form at www.adoptuskids.org on the main page. Our purpose is to educate families around our state and be a resource for information about the process. Some RRTs work very closely with the state child welfare system and can give more detailed explanations of why things might take a long time, communication is iffy, etc. They may even have suggestions for families that might improve the situation.
At the very least, the RRTs can collect the qualitative information that families in their state provide, then analyze and forward that information to the correct persons with decision-making authority.
It's confusing and frustrating for everyone involved. My hope is that we can all come together over the fact that we're frustrated for the same reasons; we all want to see kids and families united, healthy, safe, and happy - whether it's a "perfect" biological nuclear family or an extended, multi-dimensional adoptive family.
I've looked into adopting in the state of Oregon and they won't exept my home study from NC. When looking at the children from this web site, I take out the state of oregon since I'm not qualified for those children. I'm not sure why they're different from the rest of the country.
what? I'm from NC and I've inquired about kids from Oregon. I don't think we've ever heard that. Unless our worker has left that info out.
Anon Jan 7
I dont know why OR wouldnt accept your study from NC. While I am not in NC, I have adopted from OR and it is a wonderful state to work with. Did you inquire as to why?
TO CONTINUE THE DISCUSSIONS ON THIS BLOG . . .
go to the following blogspot:
www.adoptionproblems.blogspot.com
Post a Comment