Comments on AdoptUsKids blog: your family lives outside of the child’s state or ...

Hi Anonymous,I'm glad that Elizabeth was helpful. ...

2008-12-15T17:55:00.000-05:00

Hi Anonymous,

I'm glad that Elizabeth was helpful. It sounds as if you are a highly motivated family. In many cases it is actually better for the children to be placed with a local family, and I can assure you that the social workers are working hard for the best outcome for the children. Also, even if you are not matched with these children, as you know there are many children waiting in foster care and the right match for your family will be made. Your persistence will serve you well. Best,

Mark
AdoptUSKids/California Recruitment Response Team

Our family has adopted three times. Twice was wit...

2008-11-18T10:58:00.000-05:00

Our family has adopted three times. Twice was within state and the last time was out of state. We found our children on the AdoptUsKids web site. Before we found our children we did inquire on a sibling group from another state and were told they would not send children to our state due to the distance. We then started checking on another sibling group and found a state that was willing to work with us. Our children have been with us for three years now and I can't imagine our life without them. All have bonded wonderfully with our family and tell us they are so happy living where they do now. One child was from a large city and had never fished before. He now loves to fish any time of year, any time of the day. Sometimes you have to keep trying to find a child's worker that is open minded to work with a family out of state.

I just contacted Elizabeth and she was very helpfu...

2008-11-14T15:54:00.000-05:00

I just contacted Elizabeth and she was very helpful! We've inquired about a sibling group in California (we're out-of-state) and even though our home study was accepted, they have continued to put us off. We inquired back at the beginning of August and it's mid-November now. They decided they wanted to wait a few months for a local family, and have recently told us they will continue to look for a local family until early next year. We have an amazing background tailor-made over the last 6 years specifically for a sibling group just like the one we want to adopt! Why should a state line prevent these kids from being a part of our family? We're open to contact and visits and would love an excuse to head to California as frequently as we can haha! Maybe if we all just keep "shouting" eventually our voices will be heard and those thousands of children patiently waiting in foster care (in other states) will finally "Come Home".

Hello. We are fairly new to this process and I'm ...

2008-09-30T09:07:00.000-04:00

Hello. We are fairly new to this process and I'm wondering if anyone has stats on out of state adoption. Are out of state placements are the 'last pick' for finding a match? It seems no matter how I contact, email or phone, I've only touched base w/ 1 case manager out of state.
Are there any agencies that could help facilitate out of state placement? Thanks - Tracy

Hello everyone, I have adopted 8 girls. They all ...

2008-09-16T21:44:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone, I have adopted 8 girls. They all have some form of special need. I have adopted them from foster care in my local state. We are very blessed. We can see the design in all of it. How it was meant to be. We are now turing 47 and my husband will be 58. We still feel fairly young. We have 5 grown children and our youngest adopted is 3 year old triplets. I still have that feeling for another. People think we are crazy. I just enjoy watching them grow work through there issues and become productive. What does everyone think. Is 8 enough?

For the family that was interested in Destiny,Sorr...

2008-09-04T15:10:00.000-04:00

For the family that was interested in Destiny,

Sorry it took so long to respond. You sound really disappointed. I can assure you that the agencies, county, and courts all work towards the best outcome for the child. A few things from the 7/1 posting from Chmae also are relevant here - often there are many public agencies working together to find the best placement for a child. There are many other considerations in addition to money that go into placements. Searching closer to the east coast is a good strategy, though. The placements are much easier and it is easier for a child to maintain any important contacts and birth family connections they have. Best of luck,

Mark Kunkel

California Recruitment Response Team

To Sad and Fed UpI know how you feel and how frust...

2008-07-23T07:58:00.000-04:00

To Sad and Fed Up

I know how you feel and how frustrating it is but please dont give up. There are kids out there who need you. I dont think a worker would use a study just as a "filler" but only if you were being seriously considered. When studies go to a committee or a team meeting I dont think anyone knows for sure who will be chosen thus it would not make sense for a worker to throw a study in there that is not appropriate or fitting and take the chance on that family being chosen.
Have you been able to read your study? Sometimes all it takes is a little extra "pop" for yours to stand out. If you havent read it, ask to do so and if you feel there is additional information that reflects your family as exceptional then ask for it to be added to your study. It can be something really simple that makes your family stand out above the rest.
I do understand the frustration you and your husband are feeling but when you read the comments here at least you know that you are not being singled out. A lot of people out there are experiencing the same things that you are. I always say that things work out when you least expect them. Also, try not to make the mistake of attaching yourself to particular children based on a narrative. I am sure that there are many, many children out there, whether in your home state or others that would meet your criteria. Inquire about all that you think might be a match and even if you know you are going to selection, keep inquiring. Myself, I have actually been selected twice, if not three times and for some reason, usually a family member or foster family coming forward at the last minute, have been told that the situation has changed. This is not uncommon. How many children have you inquired about over the past three years? Are you searching the sites yourself and requesting your study be sent or are you leaving it up to your worker to do the matching. Again, registering with Adopt America is also a very useful tool in this process.
I would contact thru this site the RRT for your state and see if they can provide you with any insight as to why this is taking so long for you. Remember, sometimes even when pregnancy is a possibility, it can take months or years to become pregnant and then the 9 months before the child is born. It is not a lost cause, you simply have to learn the ropes for your state, find the right worker and agency for you and plug away.
The waiting is definitely the hardest but if you think it is hard on us, think of how hard it is on the children who are waiting for a family. We are adults, they are just kids. If we can make no sense out of the system, then I am sure even if the kids are aware of this wonderful system we have, they surely cannot make sense of it.
If you feel comfortable doing so, let us know what state you are in and some more info and maybe there is someone out there in your state of with more experience that can assist you in better understanding what is going on. I find that it is much easier to accept things when I can understand why they are the way they are.!!!

Chmae

We are sad and fed up. Many times over the past 3 ...

2008-07-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

We are sad and fed up. Many times over the past 3 years, we have been told we're finalists for a child or group of children. We get all excited and then we learn later that the child/ren went to an in-state family. Why don't workers state in the child's description that they don't want out-of-state families? Are we only "fillers" because they know they need a certain number for finalists?

We are tired of reading and hearing how badly homes are needed for children. I don't think I can get my husband to agree to apply for another child and get our hopes dashed once again. Three years of "no" are enough!

This is Chris Morrison, with Indiana Foster Care a...

2008-07-09T12:16:00.000-04:00

This is Chris Morrison, with Indiana Foster Care and Adoption Association, the AdoptUsKids RRT. Regarding the issue of paying for Homestudies, several Indiana residents have questioned the practice of how one agency will send your homestudy to another state at no cost while another agency charges a fee. This of course is confusing and whether or not it is a government child welfare agency or a private agency, there seems to be no certain guideline in practice. I have posed the question to our state official at Department of Child Services to seek clarity on the issue. When I receive an answer I will update the post here.

Chmae hereAdoptUsKids, if I understand correctly, ...

2008-07-01T16:18:00.000-04:00

Chmae here

AdoptUsKids, if I understand correctly, is a site that is a type of "catalog" of adoptable children. They provide the information for all of us to view as well as our family narratives when we register. It allows caseworkers to view our profiles and information. It is also my understanding that the placing agencies will request that the profiles of the children are placed on this site and AdoptUsKids simply does the "computer" work and posting.

I dont think it is an automatic response to send your home study and I do think that caseworkers are personally viewing the requests. They would have to be checking the site in order to know to request your home study.

Elizabeth Brescia had recently addressed the fact that the caseworkers are able to read our family profiles before requesting the home study be sent. I hadnt really thought about that before she had mentioned it but it makes sense. It could well be that when we dont get a response it is because the worker has read the profile and has determined that for one reason or the other there wouldnt be a match.

I know it is frustrating when there is no response at all, however, on the up side of that is if there is no response neither you or your adoption worker are wasting time sending a study to someone who isnt interested in reading it. I take it as a sign to move on. I check MY LIST regularly and if 2 weeks goes by and I havent received a response I take the child or group off of my list and move on.

While I am not an expert, I do know that caseworkers are required to follow federal regs too. I believe that they have to exhaust all family resources as well as are required by law to first search for families that will take the children without a subsidy. There are probably also other regs that play into this. Law requires a child who is adoptable to be listed as such even though there may already be a pending placement. Again, I have talked with two different caseworkers who have stated it is their agency's policy to have X number of home studies before the process to choose the family begins and that even applies if the foster family has expressed an interest in adopting the child. And, one thing my adoption worker has warned me about and has actually happened to me is at the last minute the foster parents decide they want the child and ultimately, that is where the child is placed. I sometimes wonder if the entire process isnt just as frustrating and confusing to the caseworkers as it is to us.

I think it would also do us well to keep in mind that it is not always the child's caseworker that makes the decisions as to the selected family. I would think that the worker would have input and opinions, but many times there is a committee involved as well as a CASA volunteer or court appointed guardian that attends the selection meetings to express the desires of the child. It may also be that the child has bio family in the state and it is desirable for some type of contact be maintained. In the case of my sons, the family members who wanted to maintain contact with them felt it was the best interest of the children to move from their state. So, while it may be that in most respects one might be the best match for the child, there may be minor issues that result in another family being the best match. There is just no way for us to know exactly why we were or were not chosen as the family for the child short of a worker being considerate enough to call and explain in detail. This seems to happen rarely.

I think AdoptUsKids provides a wonderful service. If nothing else, it saves an enormous amount of time for those of us who are searching. I do go to the individual state sites but have noticed over the last year or so that many seem to be dropping their own sites and using this one. Imagine the time it would take for us to go to each and every state web site and search for children. With this site, most states list their children, we can search based on our preferences and it is all right in front of us. I think that is just great for all of us. I also truly believe that everyone involved with AdoptUsKids would go the extra mile to assist with any of our requests.

Until changes are made to the system we really all need to find a way to work together as a team and that is the way we can help the children. It is fine to get frustrated, I have had and continue to have many of those moments myself and have many times vented on this very site. But we all need to support everyone working in the system so that the children dont linger longer than they are already.

Chmae

I am truly frustrated. I put in for a child that I...

2008-07-01T13:04:00.000-04:00

I am truly frustrated. I put in for a child that I believed would be the best match with out family. Her name was Destiny and I found her on California Kids Connection. I was told that I would be considered but then she was placed with someone in Cali. Her placement was essentially disrupted and she was then listed on adoptuskids. I put in for her again and my social worker and Destiny's social worker spoke on several occasions. There was some sort of battle with the agencies and whom would get paid or something like that.

I discussed with my social worker that we would foot the bill for followups in my home state. The other agency, I believe wanted to do the followups which would have been costly.

Long story short Destiny was placed locally in Cali. There has got to be laws against agency ambulance chasing. I do not care about me suffering disappointment that was to be expected. The agencies need to take better care of not allowing the children to suffer anymore than they should.

Needless to say, I am keeping my search options closer to the east coast.

Hello, I have been registered with adopt us kids s...

2008-07-01T12:13:00.000-04:00

Hello, I have been registered with adopt us kids since Aug, 2007. I have NEVER gotten a call from a social worker for any kid that I have inquired about. I think you get an automatic response from them to tell you where to send your home study, but that's it. From reading all the post it sounds like that is most peoples experience as well. At first I inquired about a lot of kids and had my home study sent to all of them. Not one reply. I know that we may not have been a good match, but come on, if these social workers have so many kids to find homes for why aren't they indulging into the families registered themselves and contacting them about children they have. They know their kids better than anyone, seems they could be more aggressive too, to help these children be placed in good homes. Aren't the caseworkers allowed to look through profiles, without the inquiry first? I like some others that posted have had more luck with going to actual state websites and sending my homestudy. I at least get responses saying that another family was chosen or something! All I have ever gotten from Adopt US Kids is an inquiry to send my homestudy, that's it!! With the thousands of kids profiles listed on the website, you would really think that a social worker could find all these kids a home with a little extra effort and time. WE as adoptive/foster parents sure put in our share of time and emotion, etc. We can't change kids lives on our own!!

Hi,My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with T...

2008-06-30T22:08:00.000-04:00

Hi,

My name is Elizabeth Brescia, and I work with The Collaboration to AdoptUsKids. AdoptUsKids.org is a photolisting website. Photolisting websites are intended to find families for children. By empowering the families to inquire about children, photolistings help to shorten the amount of time that children wait for families. AdoptUsKids.org is a national photolisting, so it’s easier to find families for children, whether the right family for that child is in the child’s state or across the country.

On AdoptUsKids.org, the children’s case workers are also able to search through information about homestudied families who have registered with our website.

If you have any questions about searching for children in other states, please let us know. You can post the question on the blog, email me at info@adoptuskids.org or call AdoptUsKids at 1-888-200-4005.

Thank you,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids

In Illinois most children in the foster care syste...

2008-06-30T12:37:00.000-04:00

In Illinois most children in the foster care system who become adopted are adopted by relatives or their current foster families. Thus, it can be frustrating for families who only want to adopt to be connected to a child. Although there are hundreds of children in Illinois who have adoption as their legal goal, the plan is for most of them to be adopted by the family with whom they are living. One of our tasks as the state exchange is to review cases with agencies to ensure that children who do not have an adoption resource are listed with us so families can become aware of their need for a new family.

Most of the children in foster care in Illinois (80%) are served by private agencies. The youth served by DCFS, the state agency, are primarily youth in residential or group care. The DCFS receives new cases and then refers them to agencies on a rotational basis (if a relative is not available). The agency that first gets the referral has 3 hours to respond and must place the child in the same zip code as the child’s family. This is beneficial to the child so he/she doesn’t have to change schools, friends, and can stay in contact with family. Agencies look for foster families that can assist them in working with the birth family so the child can return home as soon as possible. If return to birth parents is not feasible, the agency responsible for the child first looks for other relatives before considering non-related families to adopt the child. Also, in Illinois, the current foster parent has first consideration to adopt the child before other families are considered.

Practice in Illinois is designed to first keep the child in his own home and if that is not safe or possible, then relatives are considered, and then a foster home close to the child’s residence before coming into care. There are many more families wanting to adopt than children available and agencies greatest need is for foster families in the children’s home area. Thus, agencies encourage families that call them about adoption to consider foster care.

Private agencies receive funding from the state for their foster care services but they are not funded to provide adoption studies for families wanting to adopt children that are not already living with them. Thus, few agencies can afford to provide this service without charging a family for their time in preparing a family for adoption. If the adoptive family receives an Illinois child they would receive foster care funding until the child is adopted. If a child from outside of Illinois in placed with an Illinois family, the agency in the other state would pay the agency for serving their child. However, there is no funding for the agency that prepares a family (home study) for a non-specific child; thus, few agencies provide this service.

Please contact us, the Recruitment Response Team for AdoptusKids, for help with your adoption concerns.

Is this site (adoptuskids.org) intended to promote...

2008-06-26T19:23:00.000-04:00

Is this site (adoptuskids.org) intended to promote inter-state adoptions or merely consolidate the profiles of children who are available for adoption across the United States?

Hi all, a suggestion and a comment:"Finding" kids:...

2008-06-25T15:08:00.000-04:00

Hi all, a suggestion and a comment:

"Finding" kids:

Re: frustrating experiences with the photolisting websites. I was told that the kids you find online may be placed by the time you connect with anyone- so I hope that's helpful in staying philosophical. As someone said earlier, the children posted online may not all be available, ready or willing to be adopted.

Kids looking for you:
Have you tried the Heart Gallery of America org? The link is on the Resource Center page.

The local Heart Galleries show portraits of children who are actively seeking families and agree to be recruited for. The staff there is really motivated to match the kids with adoptive families and can help you connect with the right worker.

Out of state:
There may be serious reasons why it's in the child's best interest to remain in their state. Or the child may have asked to stay local. Shouldn't that be respected? Don't be too disappointed if workers are reluctant to have the kid moved away- there might be some child-centered reason.

Best wishes all- we have to believe, the right child is looking for us!

Local public social service agencies in VA are not...

2008-06-24T15:32:00.000-04:00

Local public social service agencies in VA are not mandated to do home studies for everyone who asks. Local public social service agencies do provide or arrange for training/home studies for families interested in adopting children from foster care. When a family is interested in adopting a child who is not in foster care, most local agencies will refer families to licensed child-placing agencies (LCPA). In VA if the family says that they are specifically looking to consider children from outside of the agency’s catchment area. Some of the LCPAs will charge fees for the training/home study. It is important for families to ask about this at the beginning, when they are choosing the local public social services office or LCPA that is best for them.

Hi John B.,I’m glad that you were able to talk wit...

2008-06-23T13:10:00.000-04:00

Hi John B.,

I’m glad that you were able to talk with the supervisor, but I am very sad for the child. I’m sure that you were, too. I agree with you that it is best, though, that the supervisor provided her honest opinion of what’s going on when she spoke with you.

We work often with Northwest Adoption Exchange. You can find the link to their photolisting (http://www.nwae.org) on AdoptUsKids.org. Have you seen CAP Book online? It’s at http://www.capbook.org/. They’ve added a video on the homepage.

Thanks,
Elizabeth Brescia
AdoptUsKids

It Happened!I have been frustrated by a huge lack ...

2008-06-20T23:02:00.000-04:00

It Happened!

I have been frustrated by a huge lack of response from out of state workers. Some responded, but most did not. I did make contact with a worker in 'A southern state that was involved with Katrina', she had a 10 yo boy that sounded like the child I was hoping to find. Initially, she was interested, but indicated that she would go over the home studies in about 60 days.

One week later she called and talked at length, she called it the 'disclosure' phone call. She would get back to me the following week, she did and simply said "I'll call when we make a decision, but definately within a week." Two weeks went by, no call, obviously, they had chosen someone else.

On Thursday morning, while driving in heavy traffic, she calls, and I though 'Oh Crap, here comes the thank you for applying', I really wanted this kid, he seemed a good fit for us, and we sure looked like exactly what his agency wanted. About 10 seconds after she said "You have been selected as Lane's new family', I connected with what she had said. This is the fifth time for me, it is just as incredible as the first. God is kind. Very hard to drive, no focus. I finally thought to say "Yes, I accept".

The worker had taken all of the Home Studies to Lane. He went through each one carefully. He is concerened for his saftey, he checked the criminal background checks on each one. On ours he liked All male household, All kids adopted from foster care, No kids under 18, Active, and the family picture on the front of the study. In the end, he picked our study, the staffing was held, and the worker, her boss, and her boss's boss also picked us.

Take heart. Yes I am quite experienced at raising kids with big issues, but there were negatives that could have eliminated us and did not. I am older, as in retired and I get social security. I have an adult son, who has not lived at home in some time, that has drug problems, psychiatric problems and is in jail. The two boys at home (18 and 20) each deal with issues, that in the past were biggies. I am single, another item that could have been a no-go. Also, we live in SoCal, some workers idea of off the edge of the earth. It was a matter of having a child who needed what we had. Keep the faith.

I have spent the last few weeks looking into this ...

2008-06-20T09:28:00.000-04:00

I have spent the last few weeks looking into this "paying for your Homestudy" so you can search out of state and it is actually the norm with most, if not all agencies. If you just buy the Homestudy for $1,000+, you will still need representation before any out of state case worker will consider you. Some people pay an adoption attorney for this. My agency has said to go out of state it would cost $5,000. That is for the Homestudy and paying for our case worker's time (post placement supervision etc). This is more inexpensive than using an adoption attorney and is also the norm with most agencies. What some agencies FORGET to explain is that some states will reimburse the whole fee and some will reimburse just part of that fee. I was also told by an agency, that Texas will sometimes pay the whole fee in advance, direct to the angency, therefore, you wouldn't have to pay anything upfront atall. This is also why most States will search for families in that state first before considering out of state families so as to be less draining on that states financial resources.
Not all agencies actually have and "Out of State" adoption worker so this may also be something to consider when looking for an agency to sign up with.
Personally, it saddens me that state lines should matter atall, afterall there are up to 600,000 children in the system, 150,000 of which, ARE legally free for adoption.
It took me a long time to get to the bottom of this and then piece together all the snippets of information. I hope it is of some use to all the "unfound families" out there.

Dear Heather in Minnesota:I can understand your fr...

2008-06-19T23:56:00.000-04:00

Dear Heather in Minnesota:

I can understand your frustration about children being listed before termination of parental rights (TPR) is complete. Sometimes social workers think the TPR will be done soon and then something happens that slows down the process. I agree with you that it would be good to list on the web site that certain children can't be considered in out of state adoptions because of a TPR in progress. Thank you in bringing this topic to our attention. Marilyn Gow, RRT Minnesota

Indiana I would recommend you contact another agen...

2008-06-19T11:10:00.000-04:00

Indiana

I would recommend you contact another agency. I am not sure how it works in your state but can tell you that in mine many agencies are willing to waive the home study fee and be reimbursed for it using the purchase of service fee from the sending state. Check with other agencies in your area and inquire on this site and maybe the RRT from Indiana can answer your questions. In the meantime hang in there.

What if you have gotten licensed thru an agency th...

2008-06-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

What if you have gotten licensed thru an agency that will only consider children in you state to send your homestudy to? They tell you the only way they will send out your homestudy to other state's is if you PAY them $1450 for the homestudy. I don't have that kind of money and I think that it is VERY unfair that they operate like that and would side swipe a child, just because they DON'T reside in the same state as the agency. How can you say that "you are about bring famlies together" as long as they don't live in your STATE.

Side swiped in Indiana

We are in MN and have had an approved homestudy si...

2008-06-18T10:50:00.000-04:00

We are in MN and have had an approved homestudy since Feb 08 to adopt 1-2 girls age 9-14. As we were completing our homestudy we became interested in a sibling group in SC that we found on adoptuskids. In Feb we finally found out that the parental rights for the girls haven't been terminated yet. They have been on the adoptuskids site since fall 2007 and it is now June 2008 and the parental rights still haven't been terminated yet and the adoption worker said that they do not know when it will be. We are wondering, why are kids listed so long on the photolisting before the parental rights are terminated? And why not indicate (as a few narratives do) that the parental rights haven't been terminated? We have inquired about several children only to find out from our sw that they can't be considered for out of state since the parents rights haven't been terminated yet. The lack of including the information on the child's narrative really slows down the searching process and frustrates the prospective adopive families.

I am aware that all children need to be listed reg...

2008-06-18T10:42:00.000-04:00

I am aware that all children need to be listed regardless of the length of time it may take before they are ready for placement. In these situations, isnt there a way without breeching any kind of confidentiality that caseworkers could add that fact to the narratives? It doesnt seem to be an issue to let people know that TPR hasnt been done as yet thus letting us know that placement may be in the future and not immediate. How about "placement pending further evaluation" or "needs of the child being evaluated for future placement"? It would seem to me that once all of us became familiar with the terms we would then assume that this is a child who is not yet ready to be placed so any interested parties could email the worker and let him/her know that when the time is right, they would be interested. Under those circumstances, it would seem that we wouldnt be expecting an immediate response and the caseworker would not feel a need to respond immediately. Possibly it would be against requirements to post in such a manner or possibly is it just too simple of a solution? I am all for making life easier and better for the caseworkers as it means their caseloads arent overwhelming and they are more receptive to inquiries. A simple FP (meaning future placement) could easily be added to the adoption vocab and eliminate many questions and frustrations.